4
Jul 00

I HATE DJs

I Hate Music23 comments • 1,970 views

I HATE DJs

Every one of them. From your great-uncle who tries to spin Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” over Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” (the unholy din created being only marginally better than the originals), to the big international brandname DJ’s and their coke-stained slipmatts, to the guy you went to school with who’s changed his name to “Mike-E-Blunt” or something equally ridiculous so he can pull chicks (Yeah mate, I remember you from school, and the cologne you’re wearing doesn’t hide the fact that you still smell).

There’s no art to being a DJ, and there’s a craft only in the sense that some DJs are less actively insulting than others. They talk about “taking listeners on a journey”, but they really mean that they’ve created the musical equivalent of cheap air-travel: no breaks once you start, no choices about the “entertainment” you’re given, no escape from the unpleasant people jammed in around you and a vague suspicion that the guy at the front smiling down at everyone and making weird arm motions is demonstrating the use of a life jacket. They wax poetic about “educating” their listeners, but all you really learn from one of their sets is that drugs will make anything bearable, and that thirty quid is seriously too much money to have to pay to see a man who can’t even play an instrument. They talk about revealing something of themselves through the records they play, but I’d like to see one of them have the guts to spin their favourite Journey record and reveal their geeky adolescence. And they are all geeks – the “jockey” in their honorific is accurate insofar as they are all short and whiny, and they all ride to glory on the back of a winner created by someone else.

Almost worse are the silly fools (drugfiends and journalists mostly, although that’s really just one category) who rave on about some wanker’s ability to play two records at once: “He was like liquid lightning, maaaaan! His hands were unleashing musical metallurgy to alchemise the blood of his willing captives!” If ecstasy is the happy drug, why do all these crank writers sound like they’ve been party to some awful voodoo ceremony gone wrong? I’m sorry, but the truth is that beatmixing – ie. playing two records, both in 4/4 time, both with four beats to the bar, simultaneously – is as easy as falling off a log. It’s almost as easy as catching a nasty STD from one of these guys (I once had a friend who went down that sorry path. She now spends her entire time in a bath tiled with sandpaper). As for turntablists, well, if I wanted to hear meaningless snippets of songs lost in interminable stretches of irritating noise, I’d just keep flicking the tuner on my radio and save myself the bother.

The only thing that stops me popping off the lot of them right now is a slight case of indecision. Which is worse? Those who make the crappy records or those who spin them together so that the terrible noise need never end? Perhaps I should pack some extra rounds of ammunition…

Comments

  1. 1
    DJ/musicain/music lover on 22 Jul 2008 #

    What is worse is someone who is ignorant about music and DJs
    or just ignorant in general.
    Sure some DJs are no better than a bad Juke box.
    Granted nowadays everyone who had an ipod thinks they are a DJ.
    Same with bands. Some music sucks and some kicks ass.
    Same goes for people
    I hate people like you!

    Your radio has a DJ behind it selecting the songs you are listening to.
    except they mix in commercials inbetween tracks
    Now that fckin entertaining.

    Sorry but I prefer a mix of music without that crap.
    Your favorite rock band has a DJ/Producer mixing their awesome CDs
    Your favorite Movie has a soundtrack to it.
    Music and DJs are as diverse as the stars in the sky.
    If you cant’ find anything good in the world.
    Shut the Fck up. I’d much rather listen music than
    someone who just bitches about all the good things in life.

    I get a hint of jealousy, cuz the DJs are getting laid and
    you my little fun hater are not.
    Why? cuz it is fun.
    A good Dj can take a folded-armed, puss-faced crowd
    (if you are not sure what that looks like find a mirror, Tanya)
    and get them dancing and having a good time. You know fun!
    look it up if you are not sure what that means you miserable soul
    Go find a 12 step fun program you poor pathetic bastard.
    For many folks in the world fun means sex, drugs and music.

    anybody can strum a 3 cord progression that does not make them good either and of course every rock band you listen to is drug and STD free
    Sound like you will never have those issuse because you are such
    a boring tub of your own bile.

    You’ll never have the pleasure of having sex to “Insert favorite music”
    There will be no first dance at your wedding.
    It is some consolation that your type will likely not reproduce
    but if you prevail with your attitude there will be no sad songs at your funeral

    Music is the soundtrack to life.
    and you dont have one.

    -B

  2. 2
    Gus on 23 Sep 2008 #

    DJs = leeches. Ruiners of great music. Destroyers of the live scene. The level of skill required to drop in some beats @ X bpm does not even remotely compare to the difficulties of learning jazz, technical styles such as metal, scales, modes, circle of fifths, sweep picking etc etc (this list could go forever).

    I personally would like to see all DJs crushed into a little, bloody cube and shot into space. DJs, don’t even try to tell me ‘I don’t know what I’m talking about’ – I’ve seen enough of your sweaty MDMA riddled carcasses mutilating beats at 4:30 in the morning to know that any chimp can be a DJ. Guess what I tried matching beats and I could do it….. woooo big achievment. I should get a gold star.

    Djs, if you are so musically talented then buy a guitar, violin or piano and play me a concerto, even better, just play me a song! It requires somewhat more co-ordination to learn even basic chords on a guitar than to make two records play simutaneously. In the past, people who nowadays become djs would have played the Tambourine, Kazoo or Wobble board.

    May the fleas of 1000 camels infect your armpits, DJ.

  3. 3
    Rodrigo Raquio on 2 Oct 2008 #

    Thanks for the hate and misinterpretation about DJs. I hate you as well.

    Cheers for hate! :)

  4. 4
    Mambo on 16 Oct 2008 #

    I agree, partly. Personally, I believe most DJ’s should be placed behind a black curtain and not be given a stage to perform upon. Why? Because they rarely have any stage performance, so why place them upon a pedestal and gawp, hoping for some form of entertainment?. Stop raving about people who basically play other people’s music and usually sellout at the nearest given opportunity (Groove Armada for example). Let’s return to the jukebox days (or hidden DJ’s) and watch each other dancing instead of a motionless puppet on stage.

    Of course, this is just me moaning on and nothing is likely to change. The masses have fallen for the DJ’s idea and will continue to do so until the next craze comes along (whatever suits taking drugs that is). Why am I even wasting my time writing this. Decide for yourself, it’s free thinking world isn’t it?

  5. 5
    annoyed musician on 17 Dec 2008 #

    OK…I have been playing instruments since I was 4 yrs old from piano, brass, guitar and drums through to softsynths. I LOVE music!! I have been mixing and producing music for 10 years, DJing for 14 years, promoting music events for 3 years and plan to start a label early next year.

    Out of everything I do, I enjoy DJing the most. The possibilities are endless nowadays with the likes of Serato and anyone who says that “anyone can mix and/or scratch and/or beat juggle” is a fool, its like saying that playing a guitar is as simple as plucking a piece of string!….it’s just plain naive

    There are a lot of DJs who don’t practice much before hailing themselves as DJs which i do think is wrong but the same can be said for any musician with any instrument. The amateurs are easy to spot, they are the ones that always slag off other musicians…..naming no names.

    I can also say that having spent many a day shut in a tiny control room with bands and dance music producers alike, too many “musicians” are unbelievably arrogant and the arrogant ones generally don’t know anything about anything but ALL think they do. All think they’re something new, all think they’re something special, all have to pigeon hole everything, all think they knew everyone before they were famous blah blah blah… all need to go home and have a think about themselves.

    I have enormous respect for anyone that can make a living out of music. Without a mutual respect, you will NOT get ANYWHERE. Most business is done verbally with trust being the only thing close to a binding contract and if you’re arrogant…no one will give you the time of day…..change the attitude

    rant over

  6. 6
    ami on 4 Apr 2009 #

    my husband is a dj, and he’s clueless about music. I am a classical pianist- we have many arguments and he’s pretty immature… i don’t know if this relationship will last.. but i can say that he does feel something for music… i think it is just misplaced. and he did practice a lot……… i think its pretty weird, really

  7. 7
    Chewshabadoo on 4 Apr 2009 #

    Ah, Tanya, always such a goldmine of comments.

  8. 8
    Jersey McGaelan on 30 Apr 2009 #

    All DJs should be boarded onto a cargo ship and marooned on a subantarctic volcanic island.

    They’re not “artists” of any kind – all they do is play the songs.

    If I have two TVs and two DVD players and put two different movies on at the same time, this makes me, what, a VDJ (video disk jockey)?

  9. 9
    mm on 30 Jul 2009 #

    the butthurt DJs are funny.

    You all aren’t talented or smart. Nor do you deserve any praise beyond “thanks for playing other people’s music.”

    Were 1,000 DJs taken to the middle of the ocean, had cinder blocks tied to their legs, tossed overboard and never heard from again, I’d call that a good start.

  10. 10
    glenboh on 19 Aug 2009 #

    I’ve played guitar for 9 years now, and have Dj’d for 3. DJn is easy if your pressing start stop on a CD player, playing guitar is easy if you are playing 3 chord punk rock… there is extremely easy bits about both, and extremely challenging bits about both… there is an art to djing.. you dont have to call them musicians, but there is an art..

    enough said

    and fuck all the haters

    and to Gus † on September 23rd 2008 it is harder to mix to records than it is to play power chords

  11. 11
    peter on 31 Aug 2009 #

    DUUUUUUUDE I SOOO AGREE WITH YOU! DONT LISTEN TO THESE WANKERS WHO SUPPRT CRAPPY MUSIC!! in fact, i wouldnt even call it music, its just noise pollution. youll NEVER catch me in a club and i absolutly cannot stand todays shi**y music. im into good music of the past.l sure, every time period has the good and the bad but most if not all of todays music just freakin SUCKS!!! good music is dead, they just arent making enough of it anymore. movies too. just plain sad. anyway, totally agree, keep up the good work and put these arrogant scumbags in there place!

  12. 12
    peter on 31 Aug 2009 #

    on a side note, ppl also seem to have forgotten what music even is. music is meant to make you feel, thoughtful and beautiful. DJ-ing is NOT MUSIC! its an all-out assault on my ears! and im spent.

  13. 13
    jonathan on 14 Nov 2009 #

    im a dj, and i hate dj’s even worse.
    egotistical mental midgets
    spot on.

  14. 14
    Nilz on 11 Dec 2009 #

    I agree to a certain degree, calling myself a DJ sometimes.
    Ofcourse Its not my music, I’m totally aware that some other guy has practiced hours and hours to be able to play his instrument.
    I used to play CDs and Ipod, but it was boring, as you all say. Just pressing pause play, cue a song and whatever. I just recently switched to vinyl, and trying to find my mp3 collecion on vinyl. It just feels better, buying the music, searching for it at stores, markets etc.
    Paying the artist some tribute. Maybe you could consider DJs as critics…
    Damn this is really hard to confront. It’s like you dont like music at all. Would you rather it be totally quiet everywhere?
    Although, if DJs and radios didnt exist, then there would only be live shows/bands/artist. That Indeed would be really cool, but then maybe you’d hate the person who’s choosing wich bands are allowed to play at the place…

  15. 15
    zanni on 21 Jul 2010 #

    DJs are talentless twats who create nothing of their own, they only use other people’s music with pretty much one purpose–to get laid or at least to get attention. Most of them are physically ugly and that’s the only way for them to get noticed and get girls. They usually try to get to sleep with as many girls in the club as possible. I’m the club dancer and I truly hate DJs, the human waste and I agree they should be gotten rid of or hidden behind curtain and be anonymous. I can’t describe how much trouble these losers created for me, always harassing me in clubs. I have no respect for any of them, and just knowing someone is a DJ pretty much paints a picture of promiscious attention whore with STDs who slept with every club patron they could get to.

  16. 16
    thefatgit on 21 Jul 2010 #

    I have met musicians and I have met DJs. DJs tend to be somewhat single-minded in their desire for success. Cocky self-promoters one and all. Behind the front, cockless self-abusers one and all. They’ll work every trick in the book to get higher on the set-list. If a DJ is lucky enough to find an untapped source of fresh beats, he’ll guard that source with his life, just to set himself apart from the rest of the crowd. If he’s worked a trick or stumbled upon a new effects box, he’ll defend his claim to have “invented” it all the way to his death bed. If the drinks are free, he’ll be there. If the drugs are free, he’ll be there even quicker.

    I’d be more inclined to spend an evening in the company of a musician, even if all they can talk about is chord progressions or why Gibsons are better than Fenders. At least there is passion there. DJs tend to be dead behind the eyes.

  17. 17
    punctum on 21 Jul 2010 #

    #16: I feel obliged to point out that several of us here are “DJs.”

  18. 18
    thefatgit on 21 Jul 2010 #

    Ah…well of course, there has to be exceptions to every rule. Far be it from me to label the Popular comments crew DJs amongst the MDMA- addled techno-dungeon dwellers I mentioned in my previous comment.

    *shuffles nervously towards the exit*

  19. 19
    Pete on 21 Jul 2010 #

    Oh, in my early DJ days in the nineties I totally used to lie about the records I had played that people liked so I would be the only one to play it. If anyone were to ask now, it is indeed the Dust Brothers remix of Justin Warfield’s Live From The Opium Den.

  20. 20
    nick on 30 Sep 2010 #

    wow.. you are against djing yet you know little about it… you gotta understand pitch and what key the musics in or it wont mix well… beatmatching by ear takes alot of practice, scratching takes years to master… its not easy..when you combine these with live mashups, reading the crowd its realy not easy… why does every1 with an ipod seam to think that they are a dj..

  21. 21
    Cisco on 27 Nov 2010 #

    D.Js are so insecure about their “artform”
    They hate to be critiqued whenever they screw up something so simple as playing someone else’s music.
    In this era where fewer people have talent and know nothing about quality, it’s no wonder people like D.Js, Kardashians…Palins are celebrated and adored by the uninteresting, and untalented.
    Mediocrity and 9th place is all of a sudden accepted and Christian Audigier is an “Amazing” designer.
    This Traktor toy makes blending and mixing a cinch… anyone can become a “D.J” in as little as 6 months.
    Dj.s hate me because I’m a Dancer who takes away the attention they so desperately crave.
    They’ve even eliminated performances so all the attention can be on them and the s@#$-faced crowd can focus on his “magic set”
    Notice how they’re always surrounded by plastic breasted women, and guys with faces only mom can love?

    There was a time when true talent was celebrated by the masses, but thanks to television and this age of overnight stardom, no one wants to work for it anymore, and why should one learn a Violin on a cello, when an “international Dj” gets laid more often?
    Talent: Jimmy page, James brown, Janet jackson, Marc anthony, La lupe, Luciano Pavarotti, Keith Moon, George Carlin.
    These people worked their arses out to achieve success and I salute them!

  22. 22
    quesoanejo on 12 Jul 2011 #

    the artistry of DJs is akin to being a great party host/promotor. they are talented, in hosting parties and getting people moving. but they are not artists or musicians. they just aren’t. even the ones who “take two piece of music and combine them to create something new and unique”. it’s like mixing bud lite and guiness and proclaiming yourself a master brewer.

  23. 23
    Silversound on 20 Feb 2012 #

    I have sold well over two-hundred Technics SL-1200 MKI-II-III’s ect turntables. As well as every cross fade mixer and knob wanker FX box out there, dating back to the mid 90’s.

    And I have had more couch surfing “Producers” stay at my house than I care to admit.

    With that being said, I have known only three who struck me as committed to their music as an art form. And they are incredible. The rest have been bobble-heads.

    Why do you think there are so many “Loop CD’s” out there these days? Those are the sole realm of past their prime DJ’s. Combine that with the Photoshop skills of the past their time promoters, and you have found the answer… The blind, leading the stupid, to do the unnecessary.

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