I HATE DJs
I HATE DJs
Every one of them. From your great-uncle who tries to spin Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” over Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” (the unholy din created being only marginally better than the originals), to the big international brandname DJ’s and their coke-stained slipmatts, to the guy you went to school with who’s changed his name to “Mike-E-Blunt” or something equally ridiculous so he can pull chicks (Yeah mate, I remember you from school, and the cologne you’re wearing doesn’t hide the fact that you still smell).
There’s no art to being a DJ, and there’s a craft only in the sense that some DJs are less actively insulting than others. They talk about “taking listeners on a journey”, but they really mean that they’ve created the musical equivalent of cheap air-travel: no breaks once you start, no choices about the “entertainment” you’re given, no escape from the unpleasant people jammed in around you and a vague suspicion that the guy at the front smiling down at everyone and making weird arm motions is demonstrating the use of a life jacket. They wax poetic about “educating” their listeners, but all you really learn from one of their sets is that drugs will make anything bearable, and that thirty quid is seriously too much money to have to pay to see a man who can’t even play an instrument. They talk about revealing something of themselves through the records they play, but I’d like to see one of them have the guts to spin their favourite Journey record and reveal their geeky adolescence. And they are all geeks - the “jockey” in their honorific is accurate insofar as they are all short and whiny, and they all ride to glory on the back of a winner created by someone else.
Almost worse are the silly fools (drugfiends and journalists mostly, although that’s really just one category) who rave on about some wanker’s ability to play two records at once: “He was like liquid lightning, maaaaan! His hands were unleashing musical metallurgy to alchemise the blood of his willing captives!” If ecstasy is the happy drug, why do all these crank writers sound like they’ve been party to some awful voodoo ceremony gone wrong? I’m sorry, but the truth is that beatmixing - ie. playing two records, both in 4/4 time, both with four beats to the bar, simultaneously - is as easy as falling off a log. It’s almost as easy as catching a nasty STD from one of these guys (I once had a friend who went down that sorry path. She now spends her entire time in a bath tiled with sandpaper). As for turntablists, well, if I wanted to hear meaningless snippets of songs lost in interminable stretches of irritating noise, I’d just keep flicking the tuner on my radio and save myself the bother.
The only thing that stops me popping off the lot of them right now is a slight case of indecision. Which is worse? Those who make the crappy records or those who spin them together so that the terrible noise need never end? Perhaps I should pack some extra rounds of ammunition…
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DJ/musicain/music lover on July 22nd, 2008
What is worse is someone who is ignorant about music and DJs
or just ignorant in general.
Sure some DJs are no better than a bad Juke box.
Granted nowadays everyone who had an ipod thinks they are a DJ.
Same with bands. Some music sucks and some kicks ass.
Same goes for people
I hate people like you!
Your radio has a DJ behind it selecting the songs you are listening to.
except they mix in commercials inbetween tracks
Now that fckin entertaining.
Sorry but I prefer a mix of music without that crap.
Your favorite rock band has a DJ/Producer mixing their awesome CDs
Your favorite Movie has a soundtrack to it.
Music and DJs are as diverse as the stars in the sky.
If you cant’ find anything good in the world.
Shut the Fck up. I’d much rather listen music than
someone who just bitches about all the good things in life.
I get a hint of jealousy, cuz the DJs are getting laid and
you my little fun hater are not.
Why? cuz it is fun.
A good Dj can take a folded-armed, puss-faced crowd
(if you are not sure what that looks like find a mirror, Tanya)
and get them dancing and having a good time. You know fun!
look it up if you are not sure what that means you miserable soul
Go find a 12 step fun program you poor pathetic bastard.
For many folks in the world fun means sex, drugs and music.
anybody can strum a 3 cord progression that does not make them good either and of course every rock band you listen to is drug and STD free
Sound like you will never have those issuse because you are such
a boring tub of your own bile.
You’ll never have the pleasure of having sex to “Insert favorite music”
There will be no first dance at your wedding.
It is some consolation that your type will likely not reproduce
but if you prevail with your attitude there will be no sad songs at your funeral
Music is the soundtrack to life.
and you dont have one.
-B
Gus on September 23rd, 2008
DJs = leeches. Ruiners of great music. Destroyers of the live scene. The level of skill required to drop in some beats @ X bpm does not even remotely compare to the difficulties of learning jazz, technical styles such as metal, scales, modes, circle of fifths, sweep picking etc etc (this list could go forever).
I personally would like to see all DJs crushed into a little, bloody cube and shot into space. DJs, don’t even try to tell me ‘I don’t know what I’m talking about’ - I’ve seen enough of your sweaty MDMA riddled carcasses mutilating beats at 4:30 in the morning to know that any chimp can be a DJ. Guess what I tried matching beats and I could do it….. woooo big achievment. I should get a gold star.
Djs, if you are so musically talented then buy a guitar, violin or piano and play me a concerto, even better, just play me a song! It requires somewhat more co-ordination to learn even basic chords on a guitar than to make two records play simutaneously. In the past, people who nowadays become djs would have played the Tambourine, Kazoo or Wobble board.
May the fleas of 1000 camels infect your armpits, DJ.
Rodrigo Raquio on October 2nd, 2008
Thanks for the hate and misinterpretation about DJs. I hate you as well.
Cheers for hate! :)
Mambo on October 16th, 2008
I agree, partly. Personally, I believe most DJ’s should be placed behind a black curtain and not be given a stage to perform upon. Why? Because they rarely have any stage performance, so why place them upon a pedestal and gawp, hoping for some form of entertainment?. Stop raving about people who basically play other people’s music and usually sellout at the nearest given opportunity (Groove Armada for example). Let’s return to the jukebox days (or hidden DJ’s) and watch each other dancing instead of a motionless puppet on stage.
Of course, this is just me moaning on and nothing is likely to change. The masses have fallen for the DJ’s idea and will continue to do so until the next craze comes along (whatever suits taking drugs that is). Why am I even wasting my time writing this. Decide for yourself, it’s free thinking world isn’t it?