TV

Elephants Not Suitable As Pets: SHOCKER

In proper old Web 1.0 fashion*, I thought it worthwhile to bring to your attention that the UK Government is ignoring a petition of 650 signatories and outlawing Elephants as pets. WELL 650 PEOPLE IS HARDLY GOING TO SWAY THEM IF THE IGNORED TWO MILLION MARCHING AGAINST THE WAR**.

That said, not all elephants are bad as pets. Who can forget poor old Stampy in the Simpson?

*ie Linking is good enough for a story like this.

**OK, editorialised a bit. Blame where I work for that outburst.

TV Maths 1: HONEST

I could spend some time describing the set-up of ITV’s new series Honest, and then spend a another paragraph telling you some of its stylistic quirks. But why bother when we have TV Maths at hand:

HONEST = SHAMELESS + ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

             AT HOME WITH THE BRAITHWAITES

There. Sorted.

What’s that you say? You want me to show my working? Oh OK
… read on …

Paul Morley, what is he good for?

Pop, What Is It Good For (BBC4, last night) was kind of the centrepiece of BBC4’s Giant Month O’ Pop and it was a rather interesting beast. Obviously an hour of Morley expounding on music is unlikely to be a bad thing, he’s one of the few journos who can really do public speaking in the same way he writes and only seem slightly ludicrous, but, certainly for anyone who read Words and Music, there was little new. I got the feeling that we weren’t the core audience though, that it was aimed at people who hadn’t read W&M, people who would be surprised at the programme starting with 15 minutes on Can’t Get You Out Of My Head and, although it covered similar ground, there were some new twists and turns, mainly added by the range of interviewees.

The six tracks he concentrated on (and then spun off from to talk about All Pop Ever) were:

CGYOOMH - Kylie
Ride a White Swan - T-Rex
Lola - The Kinks
This Charming Man - The Smiths
What Do You Want - Adam Faith
Freak Like Me - Sugababes
… read on …

Hillary The Vampire Slayer

Terrific compare and contrast between the Republican electoral nominatees and the bad guys in Buffy The Vampire Slayer. It is amazing how far a couple of passing resemblances and a bit of satire can go. Fred Thompson as The Judge is tripply clever because HE PLAYED A JUDGE IN LAW AND ORDER.

Unfortunately though for it really work as an extended gag, Hillary would have to get the democratic nomination (hey - she is blonde like Buffy). It even works then when you consider Bill Clinton to be be Angel - important early on but spins off into his own career of lecture tours later. Unless of course Barak Obama can be compared to another Buffy character which wouldn’t bode well… … read on …

Cuts Like A - er - Razor (UPDATE: With Picture Proving Point)

I’ve seen Battlestar Galactica: Razor twice now, and I finally feel free to say that which I was scared of after the first viewing. Yes, it is an entertaining two hour film, filling in details which probably did not need to be filled in, but telling a pretty entertaining story at the time. Perhaps the moments humanising Admiral Cain would have been more useful in a lesser show, but even in the episodes she turns up in the show was even handed enough not to mark her out as a complete monster. The film barely softens her, but instead decides to show how one bad decision can turn you into an unwavering tyrant. Not needed, but good work.

The retro Cylons were however an example of fan wank over plot. … read on …

Rockists Night In: Set The Fire To The Third Knob

Methinks the lady doth protest too much

Those of you not yet middle-aged, criticise BBC Three while you still can! Really though, the channel’s future seems as safe as their schedules and as a result I don’t think Bennett needs to act quite so irate in her defensive stance. But then as a (not middle-aged) critic of BBC Three in general for some time now I would say that.

So how does the reality match up to Bennett’s insistence that the channel provides a ‘high quality mixed-genre schedule of innovative UK content featuring new UK talent’ to that all-important 16-34 yr olds audience? Tonight we have:

… read on …

never off

what film is most often shown on UK TV? i vote tremors — and i know bcz i watch it EVERY TIME (and so does my dad)

Cookie Pussy

This is one of those posts where yr well aware that every single blogger in the country is going to be asking the same question and yet ask you must, viz:

Blue Peter changing the results of its online poll: so that a cat online readers wanted called “Cookie” was now called “Socks”. This is for whatever reason a very bad thing and a severe breach of trust (it has led to MOAR KITAN on BP though so all’s well), what I haven’t seen answered is the question WHY DID THEY DO IT? It’s not as if the online readers had voted to call the cat “Tony B Liar” or “Cockmonger” or had all written in that its religion was Jedi. Maybe the evil poll rigger involved was trying to please their own tiny infant, maybe they were drunk on powar (or just drunk). Also there has already been a famous cat called Socks so it was a useless name. RESIGN BBC, oh wait.

BBC Exceeds Recycling Targets!

One of the rounds of last night’s Mock the Week (itself recycled from old bits of Have I Got News For You, Whose Line Is It Anyway and leftover Radio 4 panel quizzes) asked the comedians to suggest “Letters That Would Never Get Read Out on Points of View”.

Straight to the front of the stage was Hugh Dennis, a glint in his eye. Before he moved his lips I knew what was coming, and he didn’t disappoint, although Meg was rather surprised as I joined in rather too loudly:

Why, oh why, oh why IS THE STRUCTURE OF MY CHROMOSONES!!

This, to my knowledge, first appeared in a Mary Whitehouse Experience sketch about Points of View, when MWE was still good on Radio One*, almost twenty years ago, well done Hugh, no need to waste resources. I look forward to forthcoming jokes about Henry Kelly (what a Henry Kelly), f3ltching and david baddiel being funny again rob newman being sexy again over long agatha christie based skits (BABABA BAAAAAM).

*quick plug for No Rock & Roll Fun’s Radio One More Time which hasn’t yet mentioned the comedy half hour, but top reading none the less.

The Long Simpsons Episode

CATEGORY ERROR. My brain kept screaming this at me during The Simpsons Movie (I checked with Rob and Carsmile Steve who were sitting next to me and they swear it wasn’t them screaming it, so that just leaves my brain). My brain is a stubborn old stick, and frankly I do my best to ignore it at every turn. Yet I know what it was screaming about (I CAN READ MY MIND!) and partially sympathise. So yet again cinema throws up a film which every reviewer is obliged to review in exactly the same way. Ahem:

“The Simpsons Movie is like a long Simpsons episode. Which makes it better than 90% of films out there.”

Don’t believe me? Look at all the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS. Bear in mind the following:

PREMISE No.1: Even rubbish episodes of the Simpsons are better than 90% of television.
PREMISE No.2: The general standard of US television in the 2000’s is better than the general standard of US Movies. … read on …