Do You See

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA PART 2: PRINCE CASPIAN or WHOS’ GOT THE HORN?

The problem with any film of this second Narnian book is that — while it has strong scenes and beasts galore — the logic behind its structure is, more than anything else, Aslan Arses About (for c.1300 years). He’s not a tame lion, you know — no indeed, but he is an extremely passive-aggressive and self-satisfied one, never more than this story, and no actor can read his lines without underlining this. Nor can any director hope to expand on the memorable scenes and beasts without giving in to how pellmell pagan this story is, first to last. It isn’t Christian and it isn’t clever: and while I don’t think it especially steps on your fond memories of the original, it massively wimpily sidesteps Aslan’s tactical masterstroke in the book, where he calls to arms the Wine God (Silenus with his fat ass) and the Party God Magnus Bacchus, and they supplement their army of maenad riot grrls with a division of hott and bovvered schoolgirls… … read on …

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA PART 2: PRINCE CASPIAN or WHOS’ GOT THE HORN?

The problem with any film of this second Narnian book is that — while it has strong scenes and beasts galore — the logic behind its structure is, more than anything else, Aslan Arses About (for c.1300 years). He’s not a tame lion, you know — no indeed, but he is an extremely passive-aggressive and self-satisfied one, never more than this story, and no actor can read his lines without underlining this. Nor can any director hope to expand on the memorable scenes and beasts without giving in to how pellmell pagan this story is, first to last. It isn’t Christian and it isn’t clever: and while I don’t think it especially steps on your fond memories of the original, it massively wimpily sidesteps Aslan’s tactical masterstroke in the book, where he calls to arms the Wine God (Silenus with his fat ass) and the Party God Magnus Bacchus, and they supplement their army of maenad riot grrls with a division of hott and bovvered schoolgirls… … read on …

Best Ever Doctor Who Cliffhangers As Chosen By Me

Whatever happens next Saturday, now is a time for rejoicing as “New Who” delivers its first bona fide, ZOMG, who saw that one coming REAL ACTUAL CLIFFHANGER. Not that the new series hasn’t been jam-packed with moments that would have made magnificent old school episode climaxes (just imagine Professor Yana’s pocketwatch, or the in-your-face Weeping Angel, or the empty TARDIS in “Father’s Day” with the eeeeowwwwwwwwwww end of episode noise…) But often the new series cliffhanger has been a clumsy beast, generally through trying to pack too much in: either having every character menaced at once, or having the monsters yell their playground-ready catchphrase a few times too often, or by simply diluting the shock with parallel threats. Take this season’s “Silence In The Library” - a good cliffhanger to be sure, but if they’d just stuck to the “Donna has been turned into a computer terminal” one, left the lumbering skellington suit out and cut down on the repetition it would have been several times more effective.

Anyway, they’ve finally got it right, so to celebrate here’s my own list of Who cliffhangers that stick in the brain. Some of these are, I believe, canonically accepted as awesome, others more obscure. The list draws heavily on ones I saw as a kid, the prime time to be shoXoRed by a Who ending… and yes, there will be spoilers!

… read on …

Best Ever Doctor Who Cliffhangers As Chosen By Me

Whatever happens next Saturday, now is a time for rejoicing as “New Who” delivers its first bona fide, ZOMG, who saw that one coming REAL ACTUAL CLIFFHANGER. Not that the new series hasn’t been jam-packed with moments that would have made magnificent old school episode climaxes (just imagine Professor Yana’s pocketwatch, or the in-your-face Weeping Angel, or the empty TARDIS in “Father’s Day” with the eeeeowwwwwwwwwww end of episode noise…) But often the new series cliffhanger has been a clumsy beast, generally through trying to pack too much in: either having every character menaced at once, or having the monsters yell their playground-ready catchphrase a few times too often, or by simply diluting the shock with parallel threats. Take this season’s “Silence In The Library” - a good cliffhanger to be sure, but if they’d just stuck to the “Donna has been turned into a computer terminal” one, left the lumbering skellington suit out and cut down on the repetition it would have been several times more effective.

Anyway, they’ve finally got it right, so to celebrate here’s my own list of Who cliffhangers that stick in the brain. Some of these are, I believe, canonically accepted as awesome, others more obscure. The list draws heavily on ones I saw as a kid, the prime time to be shoXoRed by a Who ending… and yes, there will be spoilers!

… read on …

Would You Rather Be Called Toilet Cleaner?

I am probably not alone in the UK to having The Wizard Of Oz as one of my first film memories. Not at the cinema of course, but rather on television at Christmas, one of those yuletide traditions which I never questioned*. It may be where I got a fondness for musicals for, but it is absolutely where I got my fondness for supersaturated Technicolor films from. The Adventures Of Robin Hood shares a soft spot for many of the same reasons.

All of this is in some way an excuse for liking “the already decided to be a flop” Speed Racer. … read on …

Would You Rather Be Called Toilet Cleaner?

I am probably not alone in the UK to having The Wizard Of Oz as one of my first film memories. Not at the cinema of course, but rather on television at Christmas, one of those yuletide traditions which I never questioned*. It may be where I got a fondness for musicals for, but it is absolutely where I got my fondness for supersaturated Technicolor films from. The Adventures Of Robin Hood shares a soft spot for many of the same reasons.

All of this is in some way an excuse for liking “the already decided to be a flop” Speed Racer. … read on …

Japes From the Vine : NSFA

I had considered tagging this link Not Safe For Work, but truly it is Not Safe For Anywhere. One of my favourite parts of watching the Daily Show is when they show the ridiculous graphics and bombast of American election reporting. And then, on a night like last night, with a few council elections I have to shake my head at the nonsense that now presents itself as election coverage here. David Dimbleby has now ossified in his role as presenter, snappy, rude, not listening to anyone and making jump-cut links whenever he decides and usually when the gallery aren’t ready. I am used to that. What I am not used to yet is Jeremy Vine, who has taken over Peter Snow’s role as the man with the graphics. Snow had a way with stats, and an expansive excitement in the ways that new technology could help explain in layman’s terms how an election was progressing.

Vine is just a twat. No, sorry that’s a bit harsh. ON TWATS. Sorry, I still haven’t recovered from this bit of footage which was on at about 1am last night. … read on …

Japes From the Vine : NSFA

I had considered tagging this link Not Safe For Work, but truly it is Not Safe For Anywhere. One of my favourite parts of watching the Daily Show is when they show the ridiculous graphics and bombast of American election reporting. And then, on a night like last night, with a few council elections I have to shake my head at the nonsense that now presents itself as election coverage here. David Dimbleby has now ossified in his role as presenter, snappy, rude, not listening to anyone and making jump-cut links whenever he decides and usually when the gallery aren’t ready. I am used to that. What I am not used to yet is Jeremy Vine, who has taken over Peter Snow’s role as the man with the graphics. Snow had a way with stats, and an expansive excitement in the ways that new technology could help explain in layman’s terms how an election was progressing.

Vine is just a twat. No, sorry that’s a bit harsh. ON TWATS. Sorry, I still haven’t recovered from this bit of footage which was on at about 1am last night. … read on …

Do Polar Bears Dream Of Bickering Humans?

I don’t know why I am still watching Lost. It makes me feel terrible about my own ability to follow a narrative storyline, and how easily my buttons are pushed but the simplest of TV trickery. I have never believed that the writers have really known where the whole things was going from the beginning, though I have based this belief on the fact that the writers of 24 don’t know how their series will end - and there are only 24 episodes of those. Lost, with its endless pointless mysteries, time wasting flashbacks (and now flash forwards) and bunch of on the whole unlikeable characters should have driven me off by now. Take the Lost “numbers”. Important in series one and two, they haven’t been mentioned since, and I still can’t see a way of their quasi-mystical importance being explained. Do I think there will be anything like a satisfactory conclusion to the mess which is now taking in time travel, faking the death of hundreds of people and massive conspiracy theories? Nope. Yet I keep watching.

Of course the show trades on its mysteries, though the web of unexplained nonsense is so tangled that I believe nothing coherent will really come out of it (its at least one persons dream*). But this has been further confirmed by USA Today running a competition for viewers to submit what they think is going on to the producers to be graded. … read on …

Do Polar Bears Dream Of Bickering Humans?

I don’t know why I am still watching Lost. It makes me feel terrible about my own ability to follow a narrative storyline, and how easily my buttons are pushed but the simplest of TV trickery. I have never believed that the writers have really known where the whole things was going from the beginning, though I have based this belief on the fact that the writers of 24 don’t know how their series will end - and there are only 24 episodes of those. Lost, with its endless pointless mysteries, time wasting flashbacks (and now flash forwards) and bunch of on the whole unlikeable characters should have driven me off by now. Take the Lost “numbers”. Important in series one and two, they haven’t been mentioned since, and I still can’t see a way of their quasi-mystical importance being explained. Do I think there will be anything like a satisfactory conclusion to the mess which is now taking in time travel, faking the death of hundreds of people and massive conspiracy theories? Nope. Yet I keep watching.

Of course the show trades on its mysteries, though the web of unexplained nonsense is so tangled that I believe nothing coherent will really come out of it (its at least one persons dream*). But this has been further confirmed by USA Today running a competition for viewers to submit what they think is going on to the producers to be graded. … read on …