Jan 18

The Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll 2017: #20-#11

FT8 comments • 748 views

Heart_of_the_Ocean“Hi there, I’m the Heart of the Ocean, a fictional diamond necklace made famous by Britney asking whether I’d been chucked in the Atlantic Ocean or not when actually I was on MARS. My higher than average refractive index means I have an angle on everything! I’ve often wondered whether Britney has actually seen Titanic all the way through, or if like me, she dozed off in the middle and forgot that (SPOILER ALERT) the old lady was actually Rose all along!!! I don’t know why Billy Zane bothered giving me to Britters anyway, I ended up living in an ophidiarium for 80 years with that anaemic snake. But enough about Matt Damon and that Martian igloo (o-ho), my heart must go on – with the poll results!”

Thanks very much, The Heart Of The Ocean if that is indeed your real name and you are not one of the 3 replicas made for the duration of filming. Here’s the next batch:

=19. Rina Sawayama – “Cyber Stockholm Syndrome”

No number 20 as there’s a tie for 19th place! Rina starts off all early-2000s RnB minimalism (complete with fisheye lens), then ramps up nicely into synthageddon at the end. I suspect this song may be a metaphor for the perils of Bitcoin?

=19. Jessie Ware – “Midnight”

I like the spindly Kate Bush verse much better than the Benny and the Jets thump of the chorus.

18. Calvin Harris ft Frank Ocean & Migos – “Slide”

Harmless Fresh Prince summer funk. I don’t feel like I can give a true judgement on the quality of this song in January.

17. Angaleena Presley – “Wrangled”

I’d rather eat dirt than bake another prize-winnin’ cherry pie.” You won’t get a Paul Hollywood handshake with that attitude young lady.

16. SZA – “Supermodel”

SZA turns a #feelingsdump into a glorious trip-hop Fuck You.

15. Steps – “Story of a Heart”

If it wasn’t startlingly obvious from the ping pong melody line and unresolving chorus phrasing, this is a cover of a Benny & Bjorn song from a few years ago. A perfect choice for Steps 2.0 of course (they’ve even drummed up a dance routine you can manage with gammy knees) but I think it would also work well for my Mum’s barbershop chorus.

14. Ibibio Sound Machine – “Give Me A Reason”

I bet the Nigerian Pop World Cup squad are delighted that this lot have put out a whole album of bangers to choose a striker from.

13. Saint Etienne – “Dive”

Club Tropicana drinks are free! Friends Of The Blog™ St Et are back with the chicken marengo, this time in sunny Scarborough (with a hint of Portmeirion symbolism, if you know what I mean).

12. Big Shaq – “Man’s Not Hot”

One of my 2017 faves. Difficult to listen to without thinking of that advert where the women all greet each other with their elbows glued to their sides to avoid displaying their soggy underam patches.

11. Kendrick Lamar – “DNA.”

Kendrick crams in a hell of a lot into three unapologetic minutes – lots of votes had for other album tracks too, but this one was way ahead.

Top 10 coming soon!


  1. 1
    James BC on 19 Jan 2018 #

    Voted for two (Big Shaq and Calvin, the two that got played on Radio 1), have heard of slightly more than in the lower half of the countdown.

    The strange one, personally speaking, is Saint Etienne. They are one of my all-time faves and I’ve found something to love about everything they’ve done up to now, but the Home Counties album didn’t connect with me. I once read a review of (their brilliant album) Sound Of Water that said “this is the kind of album you’re glad a band makes, but you hope they won’t make again.” That sums up how I feel about Home Counties: I want them to follow their passions and try different things, I expect others to enjoy it, but I’m happy to sit this one out and wait for the next project.

  2. 2
    cryptopian on 20 Jan 2018 #

    I put in a high vote for DNA. Sometimes social debates get tiring and you just need somebody to viciously tear in. The tempo switch at the Fox News sample is inspired!

    Hoping a different Steps song turns up later. I liked SoaH, but wasn’t convinced of any reason to like it over Benny’s version.


  3. 3
    Lee Saunders on 20 Jan 2018 #

    Delighted Saint Etienne got so high. Wasn’t the song I went for but the album itself was my favourite album of the year up until the last week or so.

  4. 4
    Tom on 23 Jan 2018 #

    I voted for Steps, though when I voted for it I was still under the impression it was a brilliant ABBA pastiche rather than an actual Benny and Bjorn song! Fuck it, I played it loads, it deserves the placing.

    Also voted for Angaleena and really delighted to see that song do well. And probably Ibibio Sound System – “Give Me A Reason” isn’t my favourite track of theirs but it is a banger and I knew it would be the one to get votes.

    #2 as a 44 year old Dad I’ve had that line quoted to me on a few occasions by mirthful sons.

  5. 5
    Jessica on 24 Jan 2018 #

    Kat! Thinking of you tonight. With sympathy, although it seems wrong to put “sympathy” and “Mark Smith” in the same thought.

  6. 6
    katstevens on 25 Jan 2018 #

    Thanks Jessica – I’m glad Tom put up the tribute post as I’m not sure how I’d have managed it.

  7. 7
    Mark M on 27 Jan 2018 #

    That’s a good bunch of songs!

    Voted for:
    Angeleena – a highlight from a fine album. The one before is even better.

    SZA – Gives me another chance to offer up my theory that nobody else agrees with: that at a couple points in this song, esp the ‘temporary love/You was a temporary lover’ bit, there’s a (presumably accidental/unknowing) resemblance to Harriet Wheeler.

    Familiar with:
    Steps – Have no feelings about this.

    Ibibio Sound Machine – Top stuff.

    Big Shaq – Properly funny. Was able to nod knowingly when my 11-year-old niece was quoting it to the bafflement of the other grown-ups present.

    Kendrick – I’m leaning towards the conclusion that the only Kendrick I like is To Pimp A Butterfly.

    Not familiar with:
    Rina – yeah, this works for me.

    Jessie – this doesn’t.

    Calvin etc – Nice.

    St Et – Always a bit strange discussing them in the Wichita Lineman’s possible virtual presence. I rather lost touch with their career after the first two albums, which I love. But this is highly likeable.

  8. 8
    speedwell54 on 27 Jan 2018 #

    Thought I was going out without scoring but ‘Dive’ came to the rescue. Glad to see it so high.

    I have given all these songs at least 3 plays to see if they were really special.

    Rina – starts well and then it goes a bit main stream. I do like it.
    Midnight – Jesse Ware. Kat nails it with one sentence. It’s hard to listen past the Elton piano thump, notwithstanding worthy of a place.
    Calvin – Slide. Knew this well and it sounds like it is good. I always thought that Shakatak and early Level 42 sounds good but I still didn’t get most of it.
    Angaleena – again sounds like a good song but. Maybe it’s the steel guitar(?) thing I don’t like. She has a lovely voice.
    SZA nmcot.
    Steps – Knew this. It’s pretty much Claire and she sings the lower notes in an Abba way -“my heart is RACING” etc. Ok.
    Ibibio Sound Machine – nmcot.
    Dive – I thought the vote might have been spread around six tracks on this album. Favourite album of the year.
    Man’s Not Hot- Comedy record with good music.
    DNA – no.

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