“Good morrow! I’m Henry VIII, who you might recognise from such bangers as ‘Pasttime With Good Company’ and a goth-metal remix of ‘Greensleeves’ that appeared on Now That’s What I Call Antidisestablishmentarianism vol. 6!. However unlike young Mr Skrillex the only EDM I’m interested is Edward de Mortimer, who led a rebellion against my great-great-uncle-once-removed in 1403. It’s a good thing Wikipedia won’t be invented for another half a millennium so you can’t fact check that!”
Indeed, Henry! But one thing you can check out without reference to online encylopedias is the next part of our top 40 countdown!
30. Marina & The Diamonds - Primadonna (Youtube)
This video features Marina standing on a stepladder in alarmingly high heels in order to pluck an orange from a tree. Your friendly Freaky Trigger Healthy & Safety Correspondents do not recommend attempting this at home.
29. Miguel - Adorn (Youtube)
Miguel is a Smooth Dude who is 100% confident that he can sing his way into your pants. YES, YOUR PANTS. There’s a bit of ‘Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart’ going on here so in my case he might well succeed.
28. Royal-T ft. Ruby Lee Ryder - You’re Saved (Youtube)
New to me, this one – it’s drum’n’bass with a Breathy Female Vocal from the Rinse FM dudes, but is pleasingly different enough from Katy B to make me very optimistic about the whole business.
27. Saint Etienne - Popular (Youtube)
Aw dudes, we’re BLUSHING. But it’s undeniably a banger and I am very chuffed to be mentioned on a song with a BPM over 120. Well done everyone!
26. Fuse ODG ft. Tiffany - Azonto (Youtube)
I first heard this on New Year’s Eve and I learned the dance WAY quicker than I did for Gangnam Style.
25. T-Ara - Lovey-Dovey (Youtube)
Perky K-vworp from a girl-group containing N women where N is a member of the set of natural numbers that can only be enumerated as a surjective partial mapping from the set of natural numbers to S where every element of S is the image of at least one natural number. Video contains zombies.
24. Orange Caramel - Lipstick (Youtube)
A completely different K-vworp girl-group! These ones can be safely mapped to a subset of the Fibonacci primes and their song sounds a bit like We No Speak Americano.
23. Miguel - Do You.. (Youtube)
More from Mr Miguel and his quiff! I confess that for the last few months I have been singing “Do you like PUGS (MUGS/BUGS/JUGS)?” along to this. (I do indeed like pugs. And quiffs.)
22. D’Banj - Oliver Twist (Youtube)
Absolutely excellent for dancing to, one of the highlights of Now 82. YES, EIGHTY TWO. And there’s been another one released since then! Argh!
21. Cassie - King of Hearts (Youtube)
I still have a massive place in my affections for the first Cassie album, and she’s since managed to hang on to that subtlety of tone that stops her becoming foghorn Rihanna or anonymous Cheryl. Also I LOVE her hairdo in this video.