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Apr 10

Kraft Singles (cheesy lover)

FT + Pumpkin Publog12 comments • 633 views

A blend of cheese, milk products, and hydrogenated vegetable oil, made in Belgium, and bought from a local shop.

Busy with tiling the kitchen floor, I don’t have time to nip out to Borough market for today’s Cheesy Lover, and have to get my caesin fix from the corner shop.

My cheese comes exquisitely packaged in a bright blue wrapper, which tells me that it will be delicious on toast, with beans, or in a sarnie. My kitchen’s not quite functional – and anyway, I hate baked beans – so I tuck into it straight from the packet.

Inside the wrapper, there are five perfect cheese slices, each encased in their own plastic sleeves. The cheese inside’s a pale peachy-orange colour, and with a sticky texture – some of it comes away on my thumb when I press it. The aroma’s got a slight milky sweet-and-sourness. I tear off a corner of cheese – it’s pliable and sticky, like soft chocolate ganache, and quite difficult to handle, clinging to my fingers.

The cheese is soft and melts readily, coating my teeth and the roof of my mouth. It’s initially sweet, with a slight tang, and quickly develops into a sour-milk flavour. The other predominating taste is that of salt.  The inital milky flavour dissipates very  swiftly – before the paste clinging to the roof of my mouth has melted – but a chemical aftertaste lingers for some time afterwards.

Comments

  1. 1
    Kat but logged out innit on 1 Apr 2010 #

    Bwahahahahahahha!

  2. 2
    Katie but logged out on 1 Apr 2010 #

    NAUGHTY MARNA :)

  3. 3
    marna on 1 Apr 2010 #

    Also, does anyone know of a use for 4.9 slices of this stuff? I have a surfeit!

  4. 4
    Katie but logged out on 1 Apr 2010 #

    I’m sure Sidney will help you out!

  5. 5
    marna on 1 Apr 2010 #

    Sidney is on holiday! Atari Teenage Kitten has volunteered her services, but I think she’d best stick to her iams.

  6. 6
    Katie but logged out on 1 Apr 2010 #

    Will Southwark Park ducks eat it do you think, or will it make them sink?

  7. 7
    marna on 1 Apr 2010 #

    I am not sure that this is a healthy part of a duck’s diet. Maybe I should hang on and feed it to Pete later?

  8. 8
    Tom on 1 Apr 2010 #

    Kraft Cheese Slices are – it has been long established – my food guilty pleasure. They are horrible on every level but for better or worse they bring back the childhood food nostalgia-rush for me like nothing else. It helps, obviously, if you don’t think of them as cheese, more like a floppy crisp or something.

    Nicely done Marna :)

  9. 9
    Katie but logged out on 1 Apr 2010 #

    I’m sure Pete will *love* it :)

  10. 10
    thefatgit on 1 Apr 2010 #

    Anyone who has handled semtex will tell you that it’s texture and colour is identical to Kraft Singles. I, for one would rather risk semtex in my sandwich than this gop.

  11. 11
    lonepilgrim on 1 Apr 2010 #

    you londoners, rubbing your exotic cheeses in our faces

  12. 12
    Garry on 3 Apr 2010 #

    ‘Course we Aussies used to have Kraft Vegemite Singles. Yum…

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