NICK BERRY – “Every Loser Wins”
Here’s a thing: I have never watched an episode of Eastenders. Not all through. Too much shouting for me. I’m neither proud nor ashamed of this but it does mean I missed out on the astonishing storyline in which “Every Loser Wins” made its debut before it became the first soap star single to reach number one. I’m missing some critical context on “Wicksy” here, people, and I expect you to fully enlighten me in the comments box.
I’m not expecting it to change my view of the record, mind you, since free of its story context “Every Loser Wins” is beyond terrible. The work of ‘stenders theme composer Simon May it’s one of the faffiest, most disheartening songs to drift our way: every loser wins, but only when they’re dreaming, but it’s still a win, and this is for the losers, who are really winners, we nearly made it. For pity’s sake it features the lyric: “every loser knows / the light the tunnel shows”, whose contortion is only marginally worse than “In time you’ll see / Fate holds the key”.
As a performer, Nick Berry is a blow-dried void, a soft-focus nullity and certainly the best thing about the record. Though listening to it he’s easily overwhelmed by that high piano trill, cutting repeatedly through “Every Loser Wins” with all the heartbreaking sensitivity of the Intel chimes. The record also boasts perhaps the clumsiest drum drop-in of the whole decade, wellington-booted snares whomping down painfully into the AOR murk. There are no winners here.
1
If you don’t watch EastEnders you missed a cracking episode tonight.
The most interesting thing about Every Loser Wins for me is that the chours merges seamlessly with the Lords Prayer
as in
Every Loser Wins
Once a dream begins
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On Earth
As it is in Heaven
BTW, so far average and median Tom-scores for 1986 are running slightly ahead of 1985 (which, you may recall, was the low-scoring flameout year after 1984 to rival 1967′s bummer after 1966′s highs). S. dev is high (behind only 1967 and 1972, which also had pairs of 1s). Chart here if anyone’s interested.
Anthony Newley (Popular bothere twice in 1960) was VERY briefly in EastEnders. He was meant to be playing a permanent character, but died.
The Banned introduced a couple of new characters specially written for the pop group storyline.
Harry Reynolds: Lefty student, looking like a cross between Rik from the Young Ones and a spotty proto-Mark Lamarr. Reynolds wore his politics (Marxist radical) on his sleeve. He was mates with Kelvin Carpenter and Tessa Parker, Kelvin’s love interest and fellow radical student. Harry’s involvement was as band manager and wannabe songwriter, but when Wicksy’s song was chosen for Battle of the Bands competition, Harry turned saboteur and nobbled the band’s backing tape.
Eddie Hunter: Tubby Limahl-haired mate of Wicksy. Eddie supplied the instruments and played lead guitar in The Banned. He’d got the money from loan sharks, and when he failed to pay back the money, Eddie did a runner to Clacton to work as a Redcoat leaving Wicksy with the debt.
The Banned got their name after their debut gig at the Vic, playing as Dog Market (other suggested band names were So So Reverso, Left Of Arthur, Bottled Up, Conjugal Rights and The Harry Reynolds Quartet). Their amplifier blew a fuse in the pub and Den Watts threw them out telling them they were banned. Cue the name. ‘Enders writers were maybe unaware there had been a punk/new wave band of the same name already, so “Something Outta Nothing” was performed by Letitia Dean and Paul Medford.
ELW comes after The Banned play a shambolic set at Battle of the Bands, thanks to Harry. Simon Wicks writes the song that Lofty adopts as his theme tune after ‘Chelle drops the bombshell, which Punctum describes so eloquently above.
So this particular soap’s invasion of the charts reaches it’s apogee with this dire piece of mawkish drivel.
As we’re on a thread about Soap/Pop Crossover-BBC Records-Italia Conti
1986 was also the year Grange Hill went pop with anti-drugs dross
Just Say No followed by an official LP which it’s claimed featured tracks entitled Girls Like It Too and No Supervision At Break.
I heard David Essex very nearly joined the EastEnders cast but changed his mind at the last minute.
By the way has anyone mentioned Jennifer Moss? The diminutive Actress who played cheeky teenager Lucille Hewitt during the first decade and a half of Coronation Street. She recorded the charming girly pop tune
Hobbies produced by Joe Meek.
As for Nick Berry if I ever doubted that Britain was a civilised country it might be because having let him go to number one once we very nearly allowed it to happen a second time.
No forgetting ‘It’s ‘Orrible Being In Love When You’re Eight & A Half’ by Claire & Friends!
This was a golden year for BBC Records, if perhaps less so for pop-pickers…
pop fact #27 is that emma bunton (popular multiple-time bunny baiter) had the smallest bit part on EastEnders http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9IF2V0KaNE
Then there’s Martine M… – bunny censor steps in. sorry
Even-handedness trumps: I have now given as many 1s as 10s
Never even heard of this, and here in the U.S., no chart action for this. I’ve now heard this. And I think U.S. ears didn’t miss much.
#17: Which reminds me; Kate Robbins was on “The Chicken Song.”
I’m glad someone else remembers “The Summer Of My Life,” a rather strange top tenner from late ’76, obviously done to hitch a ride on the “Bo Rap”/”Music” extended epic bandwagon with slow bits and speedy interludes and as milky as the Milk Shop, Milk Street, Milktown but really not that bad. Possibly even stranger was his 1977 mash-up of “We’ll Gather Lilacs” and “All My Loving” which got plenty of airplay on Fab 208 but failed to progress beyond #49.
For people who do not know Eastenders, here is Faith No More performing the theme tune.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v2bniFBLwc
okaaaay.
Harry Hill’s hornophone medley including smoke on the water and eastenders
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMyfN5D0s2k
I used to co-present a football phone-in on the radio with Tom Watt, who played Lofty. I once teased him by saying, on air, “Chelle, maybe you could fall in love with me …” He was furious. We got on well aside from that, though sadly he never passed on any Nick Berry related anecdotes.
#38 It has to be said that Tom’s murderous assault on “Subterranean Homesick Blues” trumps any other dire Eastenders artefact even this but thankfully the public ignored that one.
Hi again, everyone. I hadn’t expected we would still be in 1986 when I got back, but can see how some of these tracks would sap anyone’s will to review them. We never heard this in Australia either (unless we were EastEnders watchers, I suppose – the ABC picked up the series at the time). Until now I would have said that Renee and Renato were indisputably the worst UK number one act of the 1980s, but Berry has snatched that crown – even St Winifred’s School Choir can hold their heads high compared to this.
Adding words to themetunes is a mugg’s game though, unless it’s along the Emmerdale Farm principle (where the words “Emerdale Farm” are repeat-sung to the tune of Emmerdale Farm). It is very nearly impossible to apply this principle to Eastenders == who if Wicksy ad attempted it, this song would be a little bit better.
The massive intrusive drum pattern actually works pretty well in context of the programme itself.
re 35 I heard another of those epic 70s tracks the other day: ‘Cloud suite’ by David Gates. I liked it enough to download it. Complete with the sound of a stiff breeze at the start it reminded me a bit of ‘Funeral for a friend/Love lies bleeding’.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject of soap tunes I’d like to put a vote for the theme to ‘Home and Away’ which, regardless of the quality of the programme, i liked
..and didn’t McCartney cover the ‘Crossroads’ theme on an album? That’s ‘Crossroads’ by Tony Hatch not Robert Johnson BTW although a soap with a theme composed by the latter would be interesting
The irritating joke that I always used to tell whenever I was watching the Home & Away credits in company; “Its good to see that Prefab Sprout are still getting work”
Isn’t this the one case where a number one artist declines to do any further records?
If only that had been the case! Nick Berry stormed back into the charts with his Number 2 smash cover version of Buddy Holly’s Heartbeat in 1992. At least it was a better song than Every Loser Wins.
For a long while this held the record for the biggest jump within the chart, gng from 66 to 4 in a week.
That Enders/chart interface in full (unless of course, in the words of Cyril Fletcher, you know better):
Nick Berry – I note that when I compiled this list for a quiz a few years ago, I described this song as a kind of Unibond League George Michael.
Emma Bunton – as mentioned above, played a member of a girl gang and then joined the Spicies. Little change there then.
Michelle Collins (Cindy Beale) – reached No 28 in 1999 with the theme from the “Sunburn” series, and was also one of Mari Wilson’s Wilsations.
Phil Daniels (Kevin Wicks) – related to Nick Berry’s character by some means or other, and was of course the star of Quadrophenia and the voice of “Parklife”.
Letitia Dean and Paul Medford (Sharon Watts and Kelvin Carpenter) – No 12 in 1986 with “Something Outta Nothing”, as above.
Anita Dobson (Angie Watts) – again as above, reached No 4 in 1986 with “Anyone Can Fall In Love” (to the tune of the EastEnders theme. The theme was also reworked as a hymn – “Glory be to God on high” – see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsmLV6grWwI Not as funny as Faith No More but still odd.
Michelle Gayle (Hattie Tavernier) – had several R’n’B hits in the early 90s, two of which reached the top 10 including “Sweetness”.
Goldie (Angel) – drum’n’bass star, Albert Square gangster, Big Brother housemate, is there nothing he can’t do?
Marlaine Gordon (Lydia) – picked up from James Masterton’s always-useful column that she played a minor Enders character and was in a band called E’voke who reached No 25 in 1996 with the trance hit “Arms of Loren”. No, me neither.
Clare Grogan (Ros Thorne) – her out of Altered Images of course, played the private detective who pursued Cindy for Ian. She was fab in Gregory’s Girl too.
Samantha Janus (Ronnie Mitchell) – was the UK entry in the 1991 Eurovision Song Contest, giving a pretty dire song a better performance than it deserved IMHO.
Martin Kemp (Steve Owen) – I always listened out for Spandau Ballet on the Vic jukebox whenever he was in.
Sophie Lawrence (Diane Butcher) – reached No 21 in 1991 with a cover of Donna Summer’s “Love’s Unkind”.
Jon Lee (Josh Saunders) – played the boyfriend of Nigel Bates’ daughter Claire in the mid-90s and went on to global domination with S Club.
Rula Lenska (Krystal) – Frank Butcher’s dodgy business partner in Spain, starred in Rock Follies in 1977 and reached No 10 with “OK?”
Sean Maguire (Aidan Brosnan) – had a brief pop career after being invalided out of Walford Town FC, with five Top 20 hits between 1994-6.
Martine McCutcheon (Tiffany Mitchell) – hoping the bunny won’t notice.
Anthony Newley – played a dodgy car dealer who crossed swords with Frank, as mentioned above.
Sid Owen (Ricky Butcher) – reached No 14 in 2000 with a cover of Sugar Minott’s “Good Thing Going”.
Patsy Palmer (Bianca Butcher) – duetted with Rickaaayyy on “Better Believe It”, a Children in Need single which reached No 60 in 1995.
Mike Reid (Frank Butcher) – took his version of “The Ugly Duckling” to No 10 in 1975.
Wendy Richard (Pauline Fowler) – was Number 1 in 1962 when she featured on Mike Sarne’s “Come Outside”.
Shane Richie (Alfie Moon) – covered Wham’s “I’m Your Man” for Children in Need in 2003.
David Walliams – a bit tenuous, played a mate of Alfie’s in 2003 and introduced the Proclaimers on a bunny-embargoed Children in Need single.
Robbie Williams – apparently while doing TOTP, which was filmed in a studio near the Enders set, the fat dancer asked if he could have a cameo role – he could be seen on a phone in the background in the Vic!
Barbara Windsor (Peggy Mitchell) – duetted with Mike Reid on “The More I See You”, which reached No 46 in 1999.
#44 Well he did make other records so no it isn’t. I’m not sure Telly Savalas or Baz Luhrmann made another record.
#46 Nigel from Easties (Paul Bradley) also had his own kind-of-world-music act HKipper. Attending some Nicaragua benefit or something at the George Robey in the early 90s, with some of the usual underground/anarcho suspects on the bill, we were surprised that the first band on the bill featured said Nigel from Easties.
#42 Yes, Wings did the Crossroads theme on their ‘Venus and Mars’ album. If memory serves I think it was occasionally used in the actual show too.
Re 41: The Motors added words to the Grandstand theme and called it Forget About You (no.13, 1978). Though it also works if you sing “do you like sport?” to the tune, which is more apt.
I knew Punctum would mention Simon May’s We’ll Gather Lilacs before me. Much as I’m fond of the rather ’68-ish Eloise/Macarthur Park strings/structure of Summer Of My Life, We’ll Gather Lilacs is desperate and made for one of the all-time wettest TOTP performance. Barely reaching the high notes, his piano coated in flowers, a white acrylic suit with a red rose in the buttonhole… it made me laugh out loud at the time. In fact the whole family was laughing at the milksop May. Does the performance still exist?
Twinkle (of Terry legend) used to work as a jingle writer at ATV, and said that once she opened the door of her cubicle to find Simon May crouched down, listening through the keyhole. I’ll bet he pinched the Channel 4 sig tune off her.
Re 47: Telly S had a minor follow up hit with You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling, and I’m pretty sure there was an album.
Re 44: there’s an instance of a real-life group who scored a no.1 hit with their first record then declined to release another. But it’ll be a good 4 or 5 years before we get there.