Jan 09

My 10 Worst Films Of 2008: 9: 10,000 BC

FT1 comment • 535 views

There aren’t many foreign language films in my bottom ten. Which is not due to all foreign language films being great, rather they are subject to more stringent gatekeeping. The offensively average will not be getting through. So in some ways 10,000BC will have to do as our foreign language toss, being linguistic on the whole incomprehensible EVEN IF IT IS ALL IN ENGLISH.

The trailer (below) suggested it might be daft: the script goes as follow:
Before everything we know
Lies a Legend
Never Told.

Hold up, how can you have a legend that’s never been told. Isn’t that the opposite to what a legend is? Anyway, the trailer goes on to also suggest that the legend from 10000 BC EXACTLY contains lots of CGI effects and tribal drumming. It suggests the film will be rubbish. And indeed there are loads of ways in which 10,000 BC is rubbish. Lets list a few:

Historical tosh (the mammoth in 10,000BC, pyramids built by aliums)
Geographical tosh (from mountains, via ice and jungle to desert and Egypt, I can’t plot it on a map)
Bland acting tosh (its the mystical blue eye white tribe of Africa AGAIN!)
Predictability tosh (oh look, there’s a sabre toothed tiger with a thorn in its paw, I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN)

Its a film that wants to be one part 10 Million Years BC, a part Chariot Of The Gods, with a slug of Clan Of The Cave Bear and NEVER NOTICING THAT NONE OF THESE SOURCES ARE ANY GOOD. And coming out the other side, where there should be entertaining silliness is just boredom. It really should be so bad its entertaining, it really has had enough money thrown at it to at least make it camp. But its portentious, pretentious AND STILL ABSOLUTE BOLLOCKS. Not even recommended for a laugh. Look how dull the trailer was:


  1. 1
    Tom on 13 Jan 2009 #

    This is indeed a v poor film, with 5 minutes of good mammoth scenes in it. The final confrontation is the most anticlimactic I have seen in a blockbuster. And the plot mechanism by which the many tribes of Africa are united under the leadership of the first white dude they meet is somewhat glaring.

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