23
Jan 09

My 10 Worst Films Of 2008: 1.5 (Doesn’t count cos I saw it on DVD)

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Cassandra’s Dream

If I had seen Cassandra’s Dream in the cinema I would have walked out. As it was I got half an hour in on the DVD and then flung across the room in disgust. (And then cleaned it and hoped no-one at LoveFilm would notice).

I like Woody Allen. No-one is a bigger Woody Allen apologist than me. But Cassandra’s Dream was like pulling teeth. No-one comes out of the mess of Cassandra’s Dream with any credit. Ewan MacGregor and Colin Farrell do not convince as siblings, or as Londoners. Tom Wilkinson can do menacing, but decides not to here instead swopping acting for a set of harsh vowels and fake tan. The conceit of ambitious brothers wanting more from life could have been ripped from a five year old morality play. Again show me a man who is winning on the dogs in the first ten minutes of a film, and I’ll show you a man in hock to gangsters for 50 grand at twenty. Show me a man with a dream of running a big hotel in California (said like El Dorado) at the start of a film, and I’ll show you a man in tears at the end of it. Throw in some glamorous dolly birds and a stupid murder plot you have a film which was too painful to watch.

The reviews said as much and its brief spell in the cinema meant I missed it. For which I feel grateful. Toe curlingly awful but should not be here, cos I didn’t see it in the cinema. The real number one I’ll tell you this afternoon. But in the meantime you can get a load of those terrible accents and the cookie cutter plot from this ropey trailer.

Comments

  1. 1
    a logged-out pˆnk s lord whatnot on 23 Jan 2009 #

    is it set in london? why does woody do this to himself?

    hollywood londons i would rather woody recreated

    i: the london of american werewolf in london
    ii: the london of king ralph
    iii: the london of a man for all seasons*

    *i don’t actually like this film much but i would like to see woody’s take on the tudors

  2. 2
    Mark M on 23 Jan 2009 #

    Apparently his next film is back in New York, for which let’s all give thanks.

    Pete, you’re a sick, sick, sick man for having even started watching this. I mean, McGregor and Farrell as cockernee bruvvers? In a Woody Allen film? (Is the second London one rank, too? I hated Match Point).

  3. 3
    Stevie T on 23 Jan 2009 #

    I was professionally obliged to watch this right to the end, but it becomes really quite entertaining once you realise what a carcrash it is. Woody’s script research seems to have consisted of once having watched half an episode of Eastenders.

  4. 4
    Pete Baran on 23 Jan 2009 #

    Even I haven’t seen Scoop – though it may be made better by the fact that Woody is in it himself and as such its a low rent but you know what you expect comedy.

    I think Woody’s script research may have been seeing half a Mike Leigh film once – which the film superficially resembles in ambition.

  5. 5
    Matthew on 23 Jan 2009 #

    Crikey, I didn’t even realize this existed, Woody is churning them out rather these days isn’t he? I did catch his Vicki Cristina Barcelona which I rather enjoyed last year, if his own style is showing increasingly diminished returns in terms of quality, he could do a lot worse than ripping off Almodovar for a bit.

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