Jul 08

“I am sorry if this looks petty…”

FT14 comments • 665 views

Giles Coren, the UK’s Most Important Restaurant Critic, using a thousand words (some of them rude) to hurl his toys right in the faces of Times subs for their ruthless and thoughtless butchering of his precious, precious copy. WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE UNSTRESSED SYLLABLES.


  1. 1
    Tom on 24 Jul 2008 #

    I think he’s actually right about the specific change made to the copy! But yes there are more delicate and shorter ways to express it :)

  2. 2
    a logged-out pˆnk s lord whatnot on 24 Jul 2008 #

    i: more like syllaBALLS <– yell to stress
    ii: alternative route to professionally jokemaking = ACTUALLY BE FUNNY?
    iii: “Tell me the exact reasoning which led you to remove that word from my copy” — that exact reasoning? it seemed equally useless either way d00d
    iv: timidest blowjob gag in history (hee i sed GAG)

  3. 3
    Ben on 24 Jul 2008 #

    I’m with Mr. Coren on this. I think that the subtleties in his writing are not lost on your average Times reader, and it’s precisely the clever use of innuendo and word play that makes his column such a joy to read each week.

    That said, perhaps a quiet word in the ear might have worked better than a letter that had the potential to appear in the public domain. Now he just seems like a c0ck, and a nightmare to work with.

  4. 4
    Ewan on 24 Jul 2008 #

    I don’t much like Coren’s opinions, nor have I any inclination to change my view of him, but he seems a pretty good writer and I think he’s right on this (minor) issue. He *is* rather forceful with his attack, though, and his jokes aren’t particularly good if jokes they can truly be called.

  5. 5
    a logged-out pˆnk s lord whatnot on 24 Jul 2008 #

    is this why carsmile always says alBUM?

  6. 6
    DJ Punctum on 24 Jul 2008 #

    Cowardly Times editor too scared to fire him and replace with Ben Watson.

  7. 7
    a logged-out pˆnk s lord whatnot on 24 Jul 2008 #

    out to DINE with out to LUNCH

  8. 8
    Chewshabadoo on 24 Jul 2008 #

    “Why would you change a sentnece aso that it meant something i didn’t mean?”

    I can think of a reason why this guy’s sentences might get subbed.

  9. 9
    Mark G on 24 Jul 2008 #

    I wrote one article for Record Collector back in the day (Search: Jesus and Mary Chain).

    There were a great many ‘corrections’ that ruined some of the ‘jokes’/’style’ and rendered a couple of things totally wrongly.

    I was at least as angry as G.Coren’s letter, and I’m no established writer with some names I can complain to.

    Needless to say, I calmed down the next day, and banked my cheque hray (100 sovs! Imagine!)

  10. 10
    DJ Punctum on 24 Jul 2008 #

    Time for another cheap but justified BabelFish laugh:

    Crack, mightily, is an anger difficulty. I cut five [weyn], Amanda and this in because I don’ Presented; t I am born and anger are assumed with who, i am being known, (i’ Five [weyn], will carry but the m guesses cuts with amanda it’ Applied like this; s only corrections grandly), and also wasn’ In Tony; – Him I’ Is from here t; The m wouldn’ guesses it; t happened. I don’ t respects soldering with realness and to solder with the copy the people likes. I me read a word and you whom respected want how, more the ear or the eye which recovers or do not enjoy the proposal which is. Five [weyn], we 3 you of long sentence goes round with 6 brevity them, are how from single piece the wasn’ Discussed; In order to happen any more goes t, to be like this I’ The m wasn’ hopes it with realness; Investigation in t Saturday is high and side with you who have sexual intercourse. Last was a sentence. Last sentence is quite important and is quite. The (thing) piece structure, they a little the individual selects with him weekend are jingle in the field. I wrote: ” I can’ t a better place nosh.” In order to go in order to respect with where this spring sits in rosé separations and cheerfully each other, the distance outside smiles, thinks and sees, report thinks the boy and the young girl who are; It appeared the [ta_um_kwa_kath_i]: ” I can’ t a better place nosh.” In order to go in order to respect with where this spring sits in rosé separations and cheerfully each other, the distance outside smiles, thinks and sees, report thinks the boy and the young girl who are; For a long time there is not a problem point. Is this who thought ” Is; I’ ll Coren goes out the illiterate cunt the meat only best” Removes the article which is this indefiniteness because knowing;. So, your sexual intercourse don’ T. this below the body waste excrements which edits evacuated with three kind reasons. 1) ‘ Nosh’ I’ With; Positively m you these Yiddish speaker Germany ‘ which are a fluency; The personage who is formed from justice coarse anger knows and [iss], is; naschen’. Freezing to death and, could be interpreted with the personage who 2 is clear. 1 and ‘ nosh’ Simply method ‘ food’. You this goes out, ‘ Meat and removed as decided the fact that wears out; a’. Me you the writing respects English and more returning home which recovers your this thinks the fact that wears out [ceyn] is insulted as that much. But respects Yiddish and more the ear which recovers? I suspect it. Different personage, ‘ In because; nosh’ Method ” eating” Justice meeting; – You this ‘ With justice it thinking a valence among these with the fact that is similar, from this feeling which does not know -; scoff’. You respect a derisive smile is a possibility of going. Or you is a possibility of living what kind of derisive smile. You the sentence to leave with this me evacuates, the excrements goes out and meat is not this. I didn’ where why this it of you will split silence; Changing sentnece aso where means puts on; t averages? I don’ t will be knowing, this silence of you will split but when changing every, you entrust within dangerously it. And you is the method which avoids this type of this sexual intercourse [coh] word of my copy from [kkwu] that demand without at above? it’ Easy s. Is not. A. word. Until now. 2) now why you the fruit far is the body waste, it to see and explain. You see the joke which made. I it from time to time. Me ” With established a distance; sexually-charged”. I in gramme A.Y. described shenanigans in the opposite side of the road. Me word ‘ Used; gaily’ With stabing by stealth with the elbow which is mild. And ” nosh” Searching; blowjob there is secondary meaning of searching. Specially the eastern characteristic love person for this, the capture for soho and noshing boy that place of who young girl whom goes round is been many. ” nosh” Searching; Is the ambiguity is not. The joke goes. I only making sodding the jokes the paragraph was bitter in it. And you’ ve sexual intercourse the child land plasterer who sees the urine to rehabilitate the Renaissance press nose peels it together at the outside and thought Jesus like this sees the body waste which has dough bear in it. You do not know also removing the paragraph which is whole. I to mean, Christ, don’ Had sexual intercourse; Did t you read the copy? 3) and is worst all. ‘ where there is not a party new obligation shittest bullish tendency of the mute and all deaf person; Removed; a’ ” To falling, is incorrect and the tension which is not like that; nosh” Piece end in the syllable which does not have a bullish tendency is lossed. you’ Time; Piece of prose and meter is high side with decisive re-is rolled. Can’ You this t where is audible? Can’ Are t you are incorrect audible the thing? It’ s the rocket [thu] science which is not severely. It’ s pre-GCSE scansions which are severe. I write the restaurant investigation in for 350 of time and not ending assuredly in the syllable which is not bullish tendency. Sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse, sexual intercourse and sexual intercourse. I sensibility this sees in case is and trivially, (end about change of the word which the time gets from various trouble right [song] whom substitutes does and) but depth to worry my work in compliance with body waste subbing the fact that is it which has sexual intercourse comfort hates. I am falling, continuously you’ To beg and ve and hugo substitute and possibly only ” Applies and throws away and thinks; Hollo ho and it’ s tomorrow’ s fish and chips” – Well, is not a writing. I Sunday morning and, that place in 3, for 2 hours was violent from the sexual intercourse which is put and happened. Was weird, possibly. But that’ The method s which is. It respects the magazine peels me of all trusts with the document. Exaggeration nil. i’ ve in order with realness this morning writing investigation and i don’ Got; t it description below together what kind of nuance last line and payoff and i’ In order to be removed from the [lye] is doing and in order not to be in order, feels; In order to send a different weekend to respect me in order to be destroyed goes m. I’ _ this 15 year between time period bitter ve and I assuredly ask be thing who be go out respect write thing – it assuredly ask be thing – each investigation evidence to send come but go out, now from assertion do do former to, pdf stay from, like that do with fuck-ups it inspection do good. And when in case change is necessary and just must come to send to it. Goes out and continues from work and is a method which is only. And, only from matter of concern and interest, I’ Like troublesome meat roasted with seasonings case d that me sent this mail and in order to say to me why amended. You the map cold region which thing which removes the word from my copy says the ratiocination which is accurate in me. Compensate, to be made to continue, sensibility is. Anger, Kim realness the angry man who is severe the end will be many and there is a possibility which will make. All bests Giles

  11. 11
    a logged-out pˆnk s lord whatnot on 24 Jul 2008 #

    “the syllable which is not bullish tendency”

  12. 12
    mike on 24 Jul 2008 #

    Oh, very droll: http://twitter.com/GilesCoren

  13. 13
    Mark G on 24 Jul 2008 #

    What the hell was that? Oh internet, and those that etc….

  14. 14
    wichita lineman on 26 Jul 2008 #

    Sleepless nights? I was all prepared to defend him ’til I read the letter!

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