In which case, I have to be the voice of dissent, as “Young Love” is my favourite solo Donny hit. The pre-pubsecent songs were too strained and pleading for me, whereas DO seems a lot more relaxed and at ease here, stretching back and enjoying the peak of his success. The clippety-cloppity Windy-Miller-style “ambling gait” is also a key factor.

But then, I lived in an Osmonds World. My younger sister was in the official fan club and adored them without reservation, and so they were pretty much inescapable during the second half of 1973. The brothers’ finest hour was of course The Plan, their splendidly wonky attempt at a deep and meaningful concept album, which - although we didn’t know it at the time - under-performed badly in the US, causing the brothers to retreat into showbiz, abandoning any further rock-oriented aspirations forthwith.

Key memory of “Young Love”: at the presenter’s suggestion, turning down the brightness control during the video clip on TOTP, so that only the waggling teeth remained.

pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør - I agree with and accept everything you say with regards the wonderful world of euphemisms, metaphors and oxymorons, as we cordially draw a line under the “pond” debate. I remember once an exchange between myself and a Glaswegian colleague, who was in the TA. I suggested to him that “military intelligence” was an oxymoron, which displeased him to say the least. Somebody walking past patted me on the shoulder and said “Brilliant, Waldo!” This, alas, enabled the TA bloke to fix me with a hateful glare and practically spit out “THAT’S a f***ing oxymoron for you, pal!”

ha, I wrote one for David Bowie once. He didn’t use that either…

Re Hallowe’en. It’s definitely inaccurate to say that said festival was not observed “in the UK” until recently. It may not have penetrated London, or south of the Watford Gap, or the Wash, or whatever, but it was joyously and vibrantly celebrated in the Greater Glasgow of 40 years ago, and (I believe) throughout Scotland apart from the most anally retentive Wee Free fiefdoms in the Western Isles. I certainly have a photograph of myself at a Brownie Hallowe’en party in 1968, and can remember dookin’ for apples at home-based parties from the age of five upwards.

As for this Donny offering. Pretty insipid, and I concur with the nomination of this as his least memorable platter.

When his career was in its early 80s doldrum, Janis Ian was asked to write an adult, self-analysing song that could become a career-defining anthem for him, as At Seventeen had been for her. The resulting song “Childhood Hero” was too much strong meat for Donny’s management who ran a mile. The songwriter’s own version is on the Janis album “Unreleased 2: Take no Prisoners”

CHILDHOOD HERO
(Janis Ian)
I can’t believe so much could go so wrong
It seems like every door is closed to me
I wake every morning resolved to be strong
I tell myself I keep good company

I can’t believe that this is my life

There’s always been someone to shelter me
Now I’m out there on the streets without a knife
being told I’m ancient history

The doors that close once opened wide
I try to take it all in stride
and hold my head up to the sky
But now they slam right in my face
with unseen hands that can’t be traced
and leave a bruise that even you cannot erase

They say that art’s become an industry
and that I’ve been away too long this time
They say I’ve taken too much liberty
Well what kind of punishment fits that crime?

They say success came much too fast
I never learned to suffer or to beg
Just look at the bruises I’ve amassed
I’ve paid my dues now – can we start again

The doors that close once opened wide
I try to take it all in stride
and think of better times gone by
But I’ve heard everyone’s excuse
It’s no longer any use

I might have been your childhood hero
I might have been your native son
but I was grounded close to zero
Now that rocket ride is done

And if I never reach Orion
And if I never fly that far
Still, there’s no harm in trying
to go walking on a star

Al Martino - combination of Radio 2 play and Godfather-assisted comeback.
Elvis - Always On My Mind, Aloha From Hawaii Via Satellite, not dead yet.
Perry Como - Fluff Freeman responsible for breaking It’s Impossible in ‘71 and ergo subsequent UK comeback.
Bobby “Boris” Pickett - as conjectured above, probably something to do with Noel Edmonds.
Goons - major revival of interest following previous year’s Last Goon Show Of All, publication of Goon Show Scripts etc. coinciding with Sellers’ comeback as Clouseau and commencement of Milligan’s war memoirs.
Neil Sedaka - actual proper comeback a la ex-Other Carole King with assistance of 10cc (fact!).

Also in the charts around this time were a bunch of old timers enjoying renewed succes either with new releases or re-issues - Al Martino, Elvis, Perry Como, Bobby Pickett, The Goons, Neil Sedaka - any particular reason for this ? Again, in Bobby Boris Pickets case why was Monster Mash a hit at all ? (apart from the fact that it is an excellent record). Halloween was still a month away.

Talking of which my ‘guying’ days ended abruptly when I carelessly donated some of my old clothes to the cause. I was later horrified to see a life size paper efigy of myself being burnt on the fire. Very unsettling I can tell you.

Madeline Smith best remembered for her ample features starring alongside the lovely Ingrid Pitt in the Hammer Horror ‘The Vampire Lovers’. She also used to feature regularly in Bruce’s Generation Game mini-plays.

waldo yes it does! i spend a lot of worktime gettin other people’s writin better so therefore by the logic of whim choose to waste NONE ON MY OWN qed

in other (curiously greekly) news: euphemism isn’t a synonym for metaphor (i like metaphors, it’s over-worn coin i’m agin); and “irritating and anodyne” is a very nearly a very lovely example of oxymoron (i think to be an oxymoron proper it wd have to be “irritatingly anodyne”)

anyway don’t worry about it, and write as you will and have: “pond” is no more than a pet bugbear i am determined to end worldwide, and shall

I’ve had enough of this. It’s Friday night. Time to make a beeline for the alehouse, I think.

Professional sub editor, huh? Does this explain why your prose is in the style of texed messages, something which, believe you me, would appear far more irritating and anodyne to people than the crime for which I stand condemned. Not me, however. But then I’m chilled.

Can I say that…”chilled”?

Hallowe’en traditions of all kinds go back centuries in Britain and all over Europe, but the Americans make more of it than we do and have commercialised it enormously. I always used to wonder why the Roseanne show made such a big deal of it every season.

Isn’t it great how far we’ve strayed from poor old Donny?!

but when i was a student in oxford in the early 80s i was once accosted by a kid whose “guy” consisted of a pair of neatly folded jeans in a cardboard box — i told him that when *i* was young we had at least waited till we MADE the guy before asking for money, and he replied (i’m delighted to be able to report) “THAT WAS THE OLDEN DAYS!”

waldo i am a professional sub editor so my dayjob is killing cliches, basically, and “pond” in this sense is one i wd instantly stomp on in anything i wz editing — and sometimes i find myself taking my work home w/me :D

i’m not even sure that there WERE what could be called mainstream halloween celebrations even 20 years ago — i think rather there was lots of regional variations (one good source is the iona and peter opie book “the lore and language of schoolchildren”, which everyone shd read anyway… an awesome and fascinating bit of late 50s sociology abt schoolyard traditions; i’d love to know how much cultural globalisation has affected matters a half century later)

Lena - The concept of “Penny for the Guy” is (certainly in my experience) a dying art here, if not an already dead one. It was extremely widespread when I was growing up but I really can’t recall the last time I saw any kids “guying”. The idea, btw, of this socially acceptable form of begging was that the “children” would use the money donated by passers-by “to buy fireworks”… On a very personal note, my paternal grandmother had her birthday on November 5th and we used to visit her. My old man set up a firework display and I was allowed to hold onto a sparkler. We also torched a guy for good measure, whilst digging into jacket spuds. Weird but wonderful memories.

Can’t quite understand objections to the use of the widespread euphemism “pond” when referring to the Atlantic. It’s a tragedy of modern times that you really don’t have to do much to offend folk these days.

“Monster Mash” also became a very belated top five hit in the UK at around this time, with one of Pan’s People’s most mindboggling dance routines to accompany it on TOTP. I think Noel Edmonds had something to do with this.

I love Guy Fawkes time and always have…makes me think also of the smell of roasted chestnuts (mmmm hmmmm)…I’m quite fortunate since my kitchen window looks out onto the North Downs (and, er, Croydon, but you never heard that, right?) so we get a pretty spectacular view of the various firework displays going on there…

When I was a girl I read Paddington thoroughly and loved the idea of Guy Fawkes and ‘penny for the guy’ and fireworks and so on in dreary November. I hope to see it in person this year!

Canadians have a very good sense of humor, but I will talk about that more when we get to that particular song…

here’s a nice page by kent schoolkids abt the start of november: note that “souling” is basically trick-or-treating without the menaces

also: don’t say POND when you mean OCEAN — it’s REALLY ANNOYING (to me) (for some reason)