Jan 07

Oooh, me Chalmers are giving me gip

FT8 comments • 1,947 views

My further extensive research on celebrity Cockney Rhyming Slang reveals that Judith is not alone: Clement Freud is a slightly more straightforward curse when your piles are playing up.

Some more genuine rhyming slang involving television presenters:

Lionel Blairs = flared trousers
Melvyn Bragg = cigarette
Claire Rayner = running shoes
Magnus ‘SCIENCE!’ Pike = lesbian
Johnny Vaughn = pr0n (of course)
Cilla Black = running late (think about it)

A cleverer usage of the double-layered slang is the use of ‘Listerine’ to refer to a person who doesn’t like Americans: Listerine = anti-septic = septic tank = Yank. DO YOU SEE? Also I didn’t know that the verb “to grass” someone up stems from grasshoppper = copper. Shine a light!

I can Adam ‘n’ Eve that a ten pound note could be referred to as an Ayrton Senna, or even a Paul McKenna, but a Louise Wener? Jackson Pollocks.

Lastly the most Chicken Oriental one I’ve come across is Rolf Harris = Aris = Aristotle = Bottle = Bottle & Glass = Arse: “Me Rolf’s killing me, hope me Judiths ‘ain’t come back…”

Still Donald Trumped? Try the Cockney Alphabet to get you Custard Tarted. P for Ming Fleas!


  1. 1
    Alix on 29 Jan 2007 #

    Do you suppose cockneys have meetings where new slang is brought to the table and they have to show their working?

  2. 2
    Kat on 29 Jan 2007 #

    No. They have Caron Keatings where new slang is brought to the Betty Grable etc etc

  3. 3

    i still like the idea that some particularly annoying famous person be made the slang for something unpleasant based on NO RHYMING LOGIC AT ALL but just the fact that they are annoying

    viz “oh noes, i went to the clinic and turns out i’ve got a dose of the JUSTIN LEE COLLINS”

  4. 4

    yes this would be exactly like an admission i caught an STD from JLC

  5. 5
    Emma on 29 Jan 2007 #

    Pete’s book of slang had Emma Freud(s) for piles which they abbreviated to Emmas much to his amusement.

  6. 6
    Pete on 29 Jan 2007 #

    My favourite is a Tony Slattery, which is not so much rhyming slang as onomatopaic.

  7. 7
    grebtesthit on 29 Jan 2007 #

    Can someone explain to Idiot Me how Chalmers = piles?

  8. 8
    grebtesthit on 29 Jan 2007 #

    Never mind. Chalmers = farmers = Farmer Giles, right? Doy.

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