THE ADVERT CALENDAR OF ADVENT: 10: ARGOS

Out go Julia Sawalha and Richard E.Grant’s PA and Sleb. A relatively successful and memorable campaign which nevertheless somehow seemed to place the emphasis on all that was cheap about the catalogue store. But in its place is one of the most ridiculous Christmas ads of the year. In comes one of those sappy Christmas ads which are so at odds with the reality of shopping at Argos that it comes across much more like an insult. Watch it here and come back, I’ll be waiting.

THE AD: The Argos Christmas book opens.
THE REALITY: You only have an Argos catalogue for Summer 2004 in your flat.

THE AD: The Dad cares so much about child wanting present he will do anything to source it.
THE REALITY: Its Christmas Eve: shit, what did he say he wanted. What did I want as a child? Scalectrix! Sorted.

THE AD: Father climbs on room and jumps from star to star to find the Christmas wish.
THE REALITY: Kid has been badgering Dad for month for “Power Ranger Dino Megazord”
THE REALITY 2: The dad falls off the icy roof and ends up in hospital. Christmas spoiled.

THE AD: Dad brings in Christmas wish to Argos which magically transforms into present.
THE REALITY: Notwithstanding that Argos is not like Bagpuss’s shop and therefore does require some money with which to procure the goods and spunk on stoopid adverts, this so goes outside the reality of the Argos shopping experience to be laughable. Instead of dream - counter - present the reality is: Find a spare catalogue. Find a pen that is working. Check if item is in stock. Stock checking device not working. Go to another book and device. Item out of stock. Get something similar. Try and find slip. Pen not working. Get another pen. Write slip. Join queue to pay. Pay ten minutes later. Get given number 435. Wait at collection point. Keep waiting. Funny TV order device clearly saying that items up to 450 are ready for collection. Wait a bit more. Ask very bored disinterested staff. Get ignored. Wait another ten minutes. You item is tantalisingly on the shelf. Try and attract staff attention to get it. They ignore you cos you asked earlier. Finally get item. Doesn’t look the same as the book. GO TO PUB.

So in some ways it is as difficult as leaping between the stars and hanging off the moon!

1. FT's Tom on December 13th, 2006

   This is the worst Christmas advert I feel.

2. FT's CarsmileSteve on December 13th, 2006

   AND ALSO, DENIES THE EXISTENCE OF SANTA!!!!

3. Lucy on December 13th, 2006

   and therefore does require some money with which to procure the goods
   Ninety-nine pounds and ninety-nine pence! When did toys get so blimming pricey?

4. FT's CarsmileSteve on December 13th, 2006

   also, my argos experience last year:

   smugly reserve online a smoothie maker

   get to dalston argos c. 1pm 24/12

   realise they don’t have a “pay with card” machine so have to stand in queue to pay for c. 20 minutes in shop incredibly full of snappy mothers and high as kites kids

   eventually pay and join the scrum for collection

   after c. 30 minutes think i’ve spotted the smoothie maker and eventually point it out to amazingly harrassed shop worker. she checks it and it isn’t my smoothie maker.

   ten minutes later she says “um, we’ve run out of those ones, would you like a different one” (unspoken bit at end “you’d have to go back to the first queue and go through all that again”)

   i decline and get my money back…

5. Al Ewing on December 13th, 2006

   “He knew exactly what to do to make his son’s Christmas wish come true…”

   CUE FATHER LEAPING OFF ROOF!!

   Quite frankly the advert should have ended there with the Samaritans phone number.

6. FT's accentmonkey on December 13th, 2006

   You also left out the bit about standing at the counter, filling out the slip, then looking around to realise your shopping has been nicked while you were engrossed in the Argos catalogue.