food science (supplementary): the QUATERMASS EGGzPERIMENT
(held over from last year in the name of all that is holy promoting future enquiry)
AIM: To explore the viability of egg polycookery
APPARATUS: Many eggs, hot oil, wooden spoon, boiling saucepan, non-stick frying pan, wok.
METHOD i: The BOILED FRIED EGG
i. Hard-boil an egg
ii. Peel and slice
iii. Fry the slices
iv. Taste-test!
METHOD ii: The BOILED FRIED POACHED SCRAMBLED (BFPS) EGG
INITIAL COMMENTS: It was decided that a single cooking medium should be utilised, viz HOT OIL. Boiling and poaching would be deemed to occur simultaneously PROVIDED A. one egg was unbroken; and B. a vigorous poaching vortex was introduced into the oil. CAUTION must be taken at ALL TIMES — ie wear goggles (or anyway glasses); use oven gloves or cloth; don’t cook in bare feet ect ect.
i. Crack two eggs, beat one, add the other UNBEATEN
ii. Heat oil in wok until slightly smoky
iii. TAKING GREAT CARE, introduce VIGOROUS POACHING VORTEX in hot oil, using wooden spoon
iv. Drop egg mixture into whirling oil and stand well back
v. BEHOLD A WORLD OF GODS AND MONSTERS!
[update: scoffers plz note -- this EXPLOSIVE BEHEMOTH is abt a foot across, one second in, from just two eggs!]
CONCLUSIONS: The boiled fried egg is rawther chewy and tastes like SQUID! The BFPS egg is VERY VERY oily and a bit leathery. It tastes like a deflated omelette.
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xyzzzz__ on September 1st, 2006
“wear goggles (or anyway glasses)”
live dangerously already!!
FT's pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on September 1st, 2006
here’s HOT FAT in yr eye julio!
you do not seem to appreciate that during the MASSIVE EXPANSION PHASE of this experiment, the entire PLANET was in peril
FT's Tim Hopkins on September 1st, 2006
That’s OK thought because “planet imperilment” is specifically listed as being covered on my non-existent contents insurance.
FT's pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on September 1st, 2006
puny earthling, i shall turn yr homeworld into a mere PLUTON when my attentions next turn this way
FT's Tim Hopkins on September 1st, 2006
OK then.
I’d better stock up on Jif.
FT's CarsmileSteve on September 1st, 2006
and salt.
FT's Tim Hopkins on September 1st, 2006
SHUT UP ABOUT SALT.
After all the salt-related abuse I received last year, I went out and bought a tub o’ salt. And have barely used it. FOOD SCIENCE DAY (like reggae) OWES ME MONEY.
FT's pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on September 1st, 2006
i imagine some of it will be used soon so the money has in no way been wasted
FT's Tim Hopkins on September 7th, 2006
As far as I am aware, no call was placed upon my salt stocks during FSD this year. It’s an absolute outrage.
FT's Pete Baran on September 7th, 2006
You’ll be thanking us when the alium slug creaturs attack and you will be able to hole up pouring salt from a great height and the soldier slug drones attcking from Peckham Rye.
FT's Tim Hopkins on September 7th, 2006
Yes I will be thanking you under those circumstances.
Next year: taking the chicken baked in salt recipe and extrapolating it to things which aren’t chicken.
This probably won’t work with slugs, alium or otherwise, but I reckon it might be a total winner with a rindy soft cheese.
FT's Pete Baran on September 7th, 2006
Salt Cheese!
Had some Salt Cod the other day at the Norfolk Arms which was dead nice.
FT's pˆnk s lord sükråt cunctør on September 7th, 2006
maybe you a do a 24-hour hundred-year-old-egg using salt instead of the garden!
Tom on July 15th, 2007
It…It failed the first time, you damned fool…you KILL US ALL!!!