20
Jul 06

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Making A Dog King

Do You See + FT • 10,145 views

Finally saw Dead Man’s Chest last night. Enjoyed on the whole the loud, whizzy nonsense whilst walking out with a car load of issues. These are not issues which are going to overly concern me, but – daer raeder – if you can answer any of these question (from nitty gritty to philosophical) plz use the comments boxes:

1) Do these pirates ever do any pirating? I know its almost an in-joke in the film, but looting, pillaging? Any time now please.

2) What do the third, fourth and fifth row of teeth in the Kraken’s mouth do?

3) Have all the bad guys from the first movie (Jack Davenport, Geoffrey Rush – even Crook and co) been resurrected and restored to a similar sort of status quo? What was the point of the Curse Of The Black Pearl again?

4) What –  no Hey, Hey We’re the (Undead) Monkees joke?

5) Bill Nighy. Got him in for the blue eyes then?

Kraken - Awake and ready to Boogie6) Davy Jones. Yes, yes, yes – unrequited love. Yes, yes – troth heart to sea. Yes, Heart in box. WHY??? (And wouldn’t, you know, keeping heart somewhere closer at hand be smarter. LIKE IN YOUR CHEST. ACTUAL CHEST. NOT ONE ON AN ISLAND).

7) The East India Trading Company seem a bit far from home. Also whither a map of the Caribbean which other correspondent pointed out, you forget the film is even set in.

8) “Would you go to the ends of the earth to save his life?” Er, no he was just snogging my bird / I just killed him / he was a bit of a rubbish Captain wot never gave us anything shiny. Also – film seems to acknowledge in GIANT MAP ON GOVERNOR’S WALL – lack of World’s End.

9) One wonders a touch about the racial undertones of the canibles and their making Jack Sparrow / making a Dog King antics.

10) Davy Jones is some sort of Squid-blerk. He is alive, though his heart is elsewhere. Who is the Dead Man who owns the chest?

11)  Why did they not reproduce THIS iconic shot? I waited all film for it. 

Comments

  1. 1
    Steve Mannion on 20 Jul 2006 #

    1) WHERE WERE THE CASES OF BOOTLEG DVDS OF THE FILM ITSELF? META-TASTIC!

    2) All the better to break you up into smaller, more manageable chunks with – although apparently the Kraken couldn’t even digest Jack’s hat properly which was v silly.

    3) The curse was lifted but without Will’s blood it would’ve retained it’s power innit.

    5) No-one knows how it feels to be the bad guy, to be the sad guy…but why couldn’t he step on dry land? What a rubbish captain!

    6) Did they explain properly WHY the heart was still beating?

    7) There’s talk of this movie actually being set in the Pacific – but could be nonsense. I thought it was East India Trading Co. that took control of New Amsterdam also tho?

    8) Peer pressure lol

    9) Stereotypes exist because they are TRUE (i agree it was a bit ‘dated’ tho)

    10) i dunno – how does Cthulu fit into this again?

    11) yes no flexing Kraken EYE a big disappointment

  2. 2
    cis on 20 Jul 2006 #

    third fourth and fifth rows of teeth in The Kraken’s mouth == third fourth and fifth rows of blades on a razor! for that closer shave (when jack excapes as shurely he shall).

  3. 3
    Alan on 20 Jul 2006 #

    11) the carbonite slabkraken will be back in ep 3 for the iconic pixor

  4. 4
    pˆnk s lørd sükråt cunctor on 20 Jul 2006 #

    they are not rows it is a SPIRAL! like sharks and that

  5. 5
    Joice on 10 Nov 2006 #

    ..okay first of all, if they DID do some pirating in the movie, you’d probably say it was boring. and that they should actually have some legend in it.

    second, if you really understood the movie, you’d know that he kept his heart in a chest bc he didnt want to feel anymore heartache.. it may not make sense, but believe it or not, its called a LEGEND! go figure!

    and seriously. learn how to spell.

  6. 6
    Admin on 10 Nov 2006 #

    pwned! if this wasn’t one of pete’s least typo-ridden posts

  7. 7
    Pete Baran on 10 Nov 2006 #

    Kick a man with a disability when he is down!

    (Canibles spelt that way is a site affectation as any fule kno. Rest of typos are of course my own).

  8. 8
    CarsmileSteve on 10 Nov 2006 #

    we RLY should write up that style guide when we haf one times spare moment, but not sure if i’m that botherd…

  9. 9
    trent on 20 Nov 2007 #

    arrr. youre the ones that belong to davy jones locker,yarr.

  10. 10
    Davy Jones on 20 Nov 2007 #

    I love u “CRISTY”!!!!!(XOXO!)

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