11
Dec 03

‘Cause Hotmail sucks, Tom didn’t get my focus group ballad in time, but here are the scores and comments I got.

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Ultrabeat – Pretty Green Eye 3
If Crystal Gale sang it with Autoharp by June Carter Cash the words would be prefect.
As it is, it reminds me of A Night at the Roxbury, which makes it just pathetic.
S Club 8 — Sundown 8
The absolute robotic perfection of this suggests that the English have a secret factory somewhere in the midlands designed to pump out self referential plastic pop stars. This is a good thing.
The Rapture – House of Jealous Lovers 7
Garbage cans percussion that pounds and propulses violent, ugly noise. Reminding the Garage Rock Stars how dangerous Rock and Roll used to be. The scream, the lack of control, the paranoid terror, it’s all here. What is missing is a siren, it needs a siren.
Rachel Stevens – Sweet Dreams My LA Ex 9
Happy on the outside and sad on the inside like most of the really excellent Brill Building song s but built for the 21st century. She has perfected when to be silent and when to speak, her phrasing is exquisite.
Pharrell feat Jay Z — Frontin 9
Really minimalist, in the way that the percussion and electronic effects are used to support a narrative which is surprisingly beautiful. Breaks wide open when Jay Z comes in and it becomes a discussion between ‘singing’ and ‘rapping’
Nelly P Diddy Murphy Lee – Shake Ya Tailfeather 5
A single so obsessed with making sure that it is a number one that it manages to stuff everything in with out meaning anything, or even being very memorable.
Mark Owen – Four Minute Warning 1
Marc Almond’s urban grime cleaned off before he goes into another studio loft.
Lumidee – Never Leave You (Uh Oh) 9
Fucking gorgeous. They enter my brain and haven’t left for weeks, I sing it in the shower, I sing it on the bus, and I hum it under my breath in class. I wish love were as happy and optimistic as this song.
Jamelia — Superstar 5
Generic dance hit, with scratching, inoffensive.
Girls Aloud – Life Got Cold 5
Deeply lonely, frustrating, and sad. Who knew there was a dark side to texting.
Dido – White Flag 10+10
This has a tenderness that recalls early Joni Mitchell but the sheer self-loathing of these single makes the listener want to love her as best as they can
Daniel Bedingfield – Never Gonna Leave Your Side 2
Sweet and gentle, but nothing special.
Busted – Sleeping With The Light On 0+0
Mawkish and sentimental, emotion by focus group.
Blu Cantrell feat Sean Paul — Breathe 9
it reminds me that dancehall was street music, where the one with the most powerful voice would win.
The sound effects come straight from the Shangri Las.
Blu Cantrell has the pipes to be another Roberta Flack, why does she not have a larger Career.
Black Eyed Peas – Where Is The Love? 10A definite lovely beat that does not overwhelm, and a refrain that becomes more and more haunting with each repetition.

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