Jun 01

The Pornography of Semiotics

FT1 comment • 51,572 views

6/21/2001 08:32:02 AM

Carson Daly is the third guy I’ve see on MTV that I suspect has had recent plastic surgery. (I’m sorry that it’s become an idee fixe of mine.)

Carson Daly has had this element of discomfort about him, like he’s not only unused to being on-camera and will always be unused to being on-camera. He has a face that says “please don’t kill me.” This why he’s so cuddly-cute and unthreatening to girls, and also why he has no future — even the folks on the local morning news programs act more professionally than he does.

6/21/2001 08:24:05 AM

Alright, then. I’m back.

6/21/2001 08:21:28 AM

Well, I’m logging in via modem and AOL, which is usually hellishly expensive when I usually hook up to AOL via DSL. My mom just told me that apparently concentric.net just had a massive New York area failure. Of course.

6/21/2001 08:21:26 AM

Well, I’m logging in via modem and AOL, which is usually hellishly expensive when I usually hook up to AOL via DSL. My mom just told me that apparently concentric.net just had a massive New York area failure. Of couse.

6/21/2001 08:17:43 AM

Only an hour and a half into it, and my internet access (DSL, fyi) is already hellishly slow, sorry. It doesn’t make me feel too inspired to say much about Lil’ Mo’s “Supawoman” and its straight-outta-ReBirth bassline, alas.

Meanwhile, Train’s heartfelt melodic rock tripe is exactly the kind of thing I wasn’t looking forward to hearing this early in the day. People who look like Gedge should not wear leather pants in public.

I have to take an aspirin.

Err..well, I have to say sorry, here, but my internet access has basically ceased. I have DSL. This isn’t supposed to happen with DSL. This isn’t supposed to happen to DSL when I’m doing a publicity stunt! Because I’ve focused more on trying to restore my access (like I can do anything about anything), I’m now incapable of saying anything about Craig David’s intrusion into the American market.

The lead guy from Drowning Pool wears his tortured eyes the way the guys in Fire Island wear their Speedoes.

If they’re gonna keep repeating this stuff (and this is MTV, that’s of course what’s gonna happen), I don’t think me not being able to blog for a while won’t be too much of a trauma. Though this time, the way Chris Connelly refers to Sugar Ray’s lame #6 entry on the top 10 album chart as “impressive” is kinda pathetic.

And a nu-metal/nu-punk whatever version of Michael Jackson’s “Smooth Criminal.” The sad thing is that Michael Jackson must think it gives him street cred when in fact, it does not.

Now I can’t blog about yesterday’s TRL in real time. The hostess says that all of the homeless guys are looking at her funny because she’s BBQ-ing on Times Square! It’s funny! It’s funny part, because there are NO homeless people in Times Square any more.

6/21/2001 07:18:34 AM

Redman, electrothug. Siren sounds, orchestral stabs, digigrunge: “Let’s Get Dirty” was made for Simon Reynolds to think about, if not necessarily enjoy.

6/21/2001 07:13:20 AM

We don’t need to see Stevie Nicks in “Bootylicious.” I mean, yeah, we know where the lead riff comes from, thanks. Sop to the VH1 market, you think?

6/21/2001 07:08:52 AM

Staind…the sensitive man’s nu-metal band. You can tell because they’ve got acoustic guitars. And candles. No, wait, that means they’re just grunge, right? Then they must be a grunge band trying to re-brand themselves. Oh yeah. I guarantee you that at least one band member went to the Berklee College of Music.

6/21/2001 06:58:59 AM

And now MTV News! Blink 182’s new album went #1…and fuck, it’s supposed to be more “punk rock.” Eat me. It takes guts to go punk-pop in this day and age, and you can’t get more perfect punk-pop than “All The Small Things.”

6/21/2001 06:56:00 AM

There is no Key West and no sunrise in MTV’s “Key West Sunrise.” No live-at-the-beach shenanigans, just some videos and some vaugely beach-oid bumpers.

6/21/2001 06:52:17 AM

Tyrese makes no impression whatsoever, except that his voice shows really obvious Pro Tools damage.

6/21/2001 06:48:18 AM

Christina Aguilera still looks like Dee Snider, but in the fantastic anti-naturalistic overfeather’d overlingeried spectacle of “Lady Marmalade,” it actually makes sense. She should only make videos.

6/21/2001 06:46:03 AM

The way Lil’ Kim throws money at the camera. Wow. She may only have a bit part in the song, essentially the token rapper, but damn, what insouciance!

6/21/2001 06:40:03 AM

Am I gonna have to see this Carrot Top commercial again? I’ve already seen it twice today and I’m only a half-hour into this thing. The prop-comic’s plastic surgery is probably one-half as unearthly as Michael Jackson’s. I’m assuming it’s plastic surgery. Angular male faces cannot possibly be a natural occurrence.

6/21/2001 06:35:30 AM

The sumo wrestlers in Weezer’s “H***pipe” (note ridiculous asterisks, they’re not my invention) aren’t surreal…they’re just inexplicable.

6/21/2001 06:33:44 AM

I remember when soundtrack videos were basically lame performance clips with film highlights sloppily spliced in. U2’s “Elevation Remix” digitally splices in Bono et al into Tomb Raider, making this probably as high-budget (for a video, anyway) as the movie the song’s soundtracking.

6/21/2001 06:26:44 AM

I hope you don’t think I’m gonna comment on every video, right?

6/21/2001 06:26:11 AM

I’ve already seen plenty of cute girls today. Where are all the cute guys?

6/21/2001 06:24:33 AM

What the hell is Eve doing with a twerp like Gwen Stefani? Maybe because Eve’s also something of a twerp, too. For all her tuffness, she’s got a cloying edge on a lot of her tracks that…well…they just irk me, is all. But they do look fabulous, don’t they?

6/21/2001 06:22:12 AM

A Nike (I almost typed in Mike) commercial set to Tchaikovsky. I fucking hate Tchaikovsky. Nike could pick better highbrow reference points to sell their crap to.

6/21/2001 06:18:23 AM

The girl protagonist in City High’s “What Would You Do?” has a deathwish — she offers her body to anonymous individuals because she had a fucked-up childhood. All this deathwish-tripping is an idea I’m sure we’ll be visiting again and again today.

6/21/2001 06:11:51 AM

You know that 311’s name isn’t a reference to the KKK, right? If you already knew, you might think that Shaq’s appearance in their “You Wouldn’t Believe” video might be a case of protesting too much.

6/21/2001 06:08:24 AM

I think Tom’s already mentioned that when it comes to boybands, the bloom’s always off the rose when they start getting defensive about making the cheesy music they do. The music’s all disjointed robo-funk that’s supposed to have the kind of hard edge that’s supposed to win them cred. ‘Tis a pity that the people who are really the playa-hatas and the doubters wouldn’t be convinced by robo-funk anyway.

6/21/2001 06:04:04 AM

My MTV day officially starts with…uh…”Key West Sunrise” And the first video is…N’Sync’s “Pop”.

6/21/2001 05:36:37 AM

I’m up, TV is transferred from the night table, my mom promised me she’d get me some Taco Bell at some point. I’m ready.

6/20/2001 12:43:56 PM

Oh boy. Nothing to see here yet! Check back tomorrow morning at 6 o’clock EST for this adventure in blogging!


  1. 1
    liu xue ping on 27 Jul 2006 #


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