19
Jun 01

The Pornography of Semiotics

FT1 comment • 51,572 views

6/22/2001 03:40:28 AM

Beyoncé Knowles can arch her back for me any time.

6/22/2001 03:36:42 AM

Sum 41 doesn’t want to grow up, and anybody who takes that classic pop-punk message to heart is too fucking stupid to understand that the alternatives to adultdom can be also be hedged, chickenshit, and corny. Sum 41 even rails against conformity! Conformity, that ancient liberal bugaboo! How charmingly retro!

This isn’t the fifties, dickweeds. Conformity isn’t exactly public enemy #1 anymore, no matter what MTV tells you.

6/22/2001 03:29:03 AM

There’s no avoiding saying nasty things about Sum 41 this time. Let’s start by saying they can eat my fuck.

6/22/2001 03:28:34 AM

Linkin Park, again. Couldn’t remember their name last time. The pretty electro-pop parts could’ve been played on any “alternative” station in the last fifteen years, but of course they don’t have the godamned guts to be completely pretty so there’s plenty of nu-metal bellow, too.

6/22/2001 03:25:06 AM

Dave Matthews twitches his face far more than he should.

6/22/2001 03:24:21 AM

The Dave Matthews video uses grimy post-apocalyptic landscapes filled of belching smoke right out of Sim City. I mean industrial city zones, early in the game.

6/22/2001 03:19:22 AM

I’ve been informed by an gentleman going by the name of O l i v e r r o1 that Tyrese was in fact the star of a Coke commercial. I’m quite familiar with it — it shows up in many of my circa ’95 MST3K tapes.

6/22/2001 03:16:48 AM

Of course, let’s face it: MTV isn’t supposed to be consumed this way. Nobody programs MTV thinking somebody will want to see N’Sync’s “Pop” five times in one day. They don’t expect someone will sit long enough to soak in much repetition in a short amount of time. 24 hours was chosen because it’s a nice, meaningful number.

6/22/2001 03:13:51 AM

Aaliyah and the snakes again.

6/22/2001 03:12:01 AM

Well, there is the fact that STP uses ancient straight-laced stock characters (namely, travellig salesmen) to serve as the straight man for their freakydom.

6/22/2001 03:07:30 AM

N’Sync’s “Pop” again. And then Stone Temple Pilots, all with nary an original thought in my head.

6/22/2001 03:03:20 AM

Didn’t…uh…didn’t Tyrese appear in some Pepsi commercial video five years ago? Some guy with a walkman walks into a bus and starts singing spontaneously?

6/22/2001 02:56:41 AM

Suchin Pak, MTV News commentator, has the kind of voice that sounds like it’s been Pro-Tool’d within an inch of its life. Meanwhile, I find that all I can do is stare at the undulating background computer graphics…

6/22/2001 02:45:43 AM

Wow. The world raced past Babyface, didn’t it? Yet “There She Goes” has nothing that will embarrass him…or excite fussy pop critics, either.

6/22/2001 02:40:47 AM

Ray J’s “Wait a Minute” is grounded by a sound that’s like a file cabinet being closed or fork jammed in a washing machine’s mechanism.

6/22/2001 02:36:30 AM

Alright…come on, Michael. Craig David. Had this been six months ago, I would’ve had something more to say, but…it seems the rest of the world catched up but fast. Joe’s “Stutter” (even the non-remix version) makes it look polite.

6/22/2001 02:26:43 AM

This is painful. I’m not sleepy or anything, I’m just weary of thinking.

6/22/2001 02:19:24 AM

That video I couldn’t identify?

keithusc: wait, maybe it was jimmy cozier http://www.jimmycozier.com/

Epicharmus: Damn, it was! You’re unearthly.

6/22/2001 02:17:35 AM

He isn’t Tom Green, but he looks like Tom Green, moves like Tom Green, and wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for Tom Green. But he’s in an anti-smoking ad. He and his cohorts pile up filled bodybags in Washington D.C., and we got shots of presumably shocked people being told these were all the people who died that day from smoking. “Do you find this offensive? So do we.” Cute, but Tom Green would never frame his actions within a moral context, so the ad still feels preachy and unextreme.

6/22/2001 02:11:16 AM

And I just lost my comment about the Faith Evans/Carl Thomas joint. It has that ugly-ass AT&T building I see from work every day.

6/22/2001 02:03:41 AM

Alicia Keys makes me miss Teena Marie and Fiona Apple: weird, intense piano prodigy soul girls.

6/22/2001 02:02:57 AM

Epicharmus: And i just completely spaced out that last video.

keithusc: ?

Epicharmus: I don’t even remember who did the last video. Some guy.

keithusc: what did it look like?

Epicharmus: It happened in a house.

Epicharmus: And the director used a really yellow filter.

Epicharmus: Does that narrow it down?

Epicharmus: Bah. I have to pee and wash my face….

6/22/2001 01:56:15 AM

The moral of Blu Cantrell’s video: never give a woman with a history of vindictive behvior your credit card. Especially if you plan on being a cheating bastard.

6/22/2001 01:50:03 AM

Oh brother….this is one rough patch.

6/22/2001 01:44:41 AM

And ha! Her antogonist — the lover who was untrue to her — is wearing a red backwards baseball cap. I’d like to think Fred Durst has tainted that particular signifier forever.

6/22/2001 01:43:04 AM

R&B videos just delight in nice interiors, don’t they?

6/22/2001 01:41:40 AM

Alright, so Sunshine Anderson relies on some well-trod musical territory, but the song’s been all over NYC.

6/22/2001 01:39:57 AM

Indeed, this Bilal thing is pretty forgettable. Midtempo groove, a few weird harmonics, eh.

6/22/2001 01:38:56 AM

Makes me sad I don’t have MTV2. I want my full shot of video mediocrity; it comforts me the way only lousy, forgettable programming can.

6/22/2001 01:35:40 AM

Finally! New videos, stuff from MTV2, soul videos as well!

6/22/2001 01:23:19 AM

If I knew all the videos I’d be seeing in the four-plus hours were as good as 112’s “Peaches & Cream”…I probably wouldn’t have the energy to write anything. Pure eye candy, that video. It’s visually tactile. You want to suck in every surface with a straw: the lit neon, the fancy cars, the clean clear skin, the peaches and cream…

6/22/2001 01:18:14 AM

And Fred tells me that the Lil’ Mo song is based sampled from GRAHAM NASH. Shit.

6/22/2001 01:14:36 AM

Keith informs me that Nikka Costa is actually quite short. No wonder she’s solo in that video of hers.

6/22/2001 01:06:48 AM

Erick Sermon. He can take part in tacky R&B joint; as long he stares at the camera, as if intimidated, nobody’ll accuse him of selling out.

6/22/2001 01:01:07 AM

A.I. looks good, really really good, like Steven Speilberg, for the first time in ages, concocted a tensile alloy out of his twin obsessions of childhood myth and technophilia.

6/22/2001 12:56:47 AM

Epicharmus: Quick. Tell me something about R. Kelly. Something inneresting.

keithusc: Uh. R. Kelly.

keithusc: Uhm

keithusc: his Fiesta song has been, inexplicably, no. 1 on the R&B singles charts for like over a month

keithusc: uh, he was once married to a like 16 year old Aaliyah

keithusc: uh uh uh…

Epicharmus: How long did that last?

keithusc: briefly. he produced her first album. they keep saying they weren’t married and stuff. but that whole thing just screamed out “icky”

Epicharmus: well, she’s now in the more capable hands of Timbaland.

keithusc: correct. thump thump, breeeky breeeky, thump thump

Epicharmus: God, how I hated R. Kelly when he first came out. That “Bump & Grind” video? He looked like a humongous dancing dildo!

6/22/2001 12:52:53 AM

Time to mention the mild pleasure I get from watching Chris Rock imitate James Lipton for those Pootie Tang ads.

6/22/2001 12:47:23 AM

Here I am telling Dave Raposa how much I miss quality late-night programming, and then I realize, damn, I’m gonna be missing SCTV re-runs on NBC at 1:30. Much better than this R. Kelly video, and I like R. Kelly.

6/22/2001 12:44:01 AM

This is gonna be tough. I can’t even think of a nice thing to say about City high…no, that’s not true. The lead chick singer? Be-yooti-ful. Lovely Farrah hair and leather pants.

6/22/2001 12:38:56 AM

Missy hawks a big digital loogie in someone’s mouth, a fine use of computer technology in an otherwise undistiguished video. How could’ve I missed that earlier?

6/22/2001 12:37:00 AM

They showed this already. They showed this Missy video already, this beach segment already…I think all that’s left for the rest of the night is the three Rs: repetition, repetition, repetition.

6/22/2001 12:33:57 AM

I forgot about U2.

Comments

  1. 1
    liu xue ping on 27 Jul 2006 #

    tgearet

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