http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18fmxNf5JL8

This has as much to do with Celine Dion as the EDL have to do with Eats, Shoots and Leaves, but it’s worth noting next week sees the first England – Republic of Ireland football friendly since Think Twice’s run, where at Lansdowne Road, a bunch of angry far-righters ruined it for everyone else by attacking an entire people for the extremist actions of a few (“we couldn’t give a toss about the IRA, did you not do geography at school?” asked one Éire fan) (“an England fan approached me to say he was not a hooligan, that the Irish had started it. As he walked away, he rather ruined his argument by kicking a police dog”).. “English patriots” (then nearing the 50th anniversary of VE Day) giving, er, Nazi salutes… glad to see those days have gone… oh.

After the unbelievable joy of April 4, 1994 (Burnley 5, Barnet 0), Wembley, promotion and the World Cup (!), just my luck 1994-95 was football’s “season of sleaze” with the above thuggery, match-fixing scandals, Cantona’s kung-fu kick – but that had nothing on what happened at the end. Let’s just say – we don’t like to talk about it in them thar East Lancashire hills. We will, though, soon have more trouble on Popular with a part-Geordie duo destroying everything in their past somehow with a style and technique about as exciting as creosoting the fence..

Saying that, there’s at least three cracking proper tunes for proper lads with real emotions coming up soon. Due to being in the last throes of childhood before my adolescent train wreck, and spending every day of a month on the banks of the River Wharfe in THAT bone-dry, wonderful summer, this is where my mark inflation might hit boiling point itself, but one of the things we’re great at as a nation is not getting violent, but getting excited and passionately giddy at the slightest sign of something half-decent (especially if they involve Danny Boyle. Obviously, like Danny Boyle taking his cat to the vet’s).. and it’s so fitting for this very British year on Popular.

Appreciate it!

- Cherichricherry
- The “Love Can Build A Bridge” Singers
- The Po Faces
- Quadruple Act
- The Non-Stonkers
- Neneh Cherry, Eric Clapton and Cher with Chrissie Hynde

Real Thing – They attempt US disco in front of the Gals. And looky here, it’s Floyd back, replacing an absent Leg. The Muckmistress is looking breathtaking for what you see of her but it’s Floyd who has the helm. It’s a good opener but Bannockburn fails to give the dancers a mention.

Blondie – More Swede heaven as Debbie in Man City blue is touched by our presence and stares out into the camera as only she can. She looks impossibly lovely and it’s a great track.

Heatwave – Soft soul lounge lizards with a pulling track down at the dicso. Not that the Swede ventured into such places, as I was strictly a pub and gig boy. I kind of regret that now. Rod Temperton is shoved way back as the camera concentrates on the vocalist.

Tavares – US studio footage. The easy theme is maintained with a record which perhaps is best remembered by being sung as “Mormon a Woman” in response to the Joyce McKinney/Kirk Anderson bondage case, a hilarious episode which younger posters may wish to google. It was very much in the vein of the little guy trying to flee the Hi Karate girl as she was trying to ravish him. The press had a field-day.

Bannockburn improbably introduces Black Sabbath. It’s their first chart hit since Paranoid in 1970. The intro is lifted straight from “The Boys are back in Town” but it doesn’t matter, as when they get into their stride this is obviously cracking and equally obviously out of place here. Nevertheless, Tony concludes that “he puts everything he’s got into it!” Who does he mean?

Grease is coming to a cinema near you. After all these years I still haven’t seen it and have no desire to. Travola and Olivia, who was all of 29 when she did it do “You’re the one that I Want” and it’s number one bound of course. It’s the Gals again and this time, Blackburn dutifully introduces both them and interloper Floyd, who it appears both wants and gets all of them. You might think that the Swede would creep away defeated at this but no, this is a brilliant routine with boss Floyd doing a conducting job of which Malcolm Sargent would heve been proud. The Gals are in wonderful smily form and clearly loved every moment of this one. The Eternal Mistress once again looks astonishing, as does Gill and at one point, Floyd spins both of these heavenly creatures around, one on each arm. Fair play to the lad.

Ian Dury – One of the landmark tracks of the year from one of the most important artists of the period. A punk, a poet, call him what you like but this is Grand Cru stuff, and to be the ticket man at Fulham Broadway station was a lofty aspiration for anyone. Just brilliant. Alas cut almost in half to make way for…

Cheesy ol’ Cilla! – Man Alive! Long since claimed by Prestatyn, she belts out a particularly poor song like the good pro she is. The ever-faithful Ladybirds help her across the line. “I think that’s fantastic!” dribbles Bannockburn. He would. The disc flops. In the words of Spike Milligan: “What is she going to do now?…”

Tony drops into a sneer as he turns across to greet Sham 69. Sorry but I always has a slight problem with Jimmy Pursey banging on about “kids like him”. He was in his mid twenties and looked about forty. Having said that, this track was a typical straight in/straight out punk song, which is good, so I don’t really know what the hell to think. At the end, Jimmy tumbles over to the amusement of the real kids around him, prompting a “Good Collapse!” tribute from Tony.

Number One – Boney M.

Out to Rod, as Scottish as Jimmy Pursey is a kid. It’s a calypso, name-checking the Scottish squad about to win the World Cup in Argentina. No TOTP next week, Tony tells us gravely, because of that very same tournament.

Only there IS a show next week. No name-check for Floyd despite his efforts. Perhaps the Gals “loved him to death” back in their dressing room. Beautiful way to go!

The problem with TPL is that people are mostly just looking at their favourite albums and not reading the entries about initially less attractive ones without realising it’s all part of an unfolding story and you have to read it right through, like you’d read chapters in a book. But then perhaps that’s a spur for me to write more interestingly about the less obvious albums, given the unexpected popularity of my entries on Neil Reid, Ray Conniff, Soul Motion and so forth.

The rest of the comp isn’t bad either, some absolute bangers on disc 2 – even the M People and Oasis tracks are above average for them. The only ones I can’t bear to listen to now are ‘Whoops Now’ (Tena lady advert soundtrack if ever there was one) and the forthcoming bunny. ‘Hoochie Bootie’ by Ultimate Kaos, now there’s a tune….

#10 it is obscure I guess, I remembered it as being at #1 much longer, for some reason – the gravity of its purpose so massive that it STRETCHED TIME in its chart vicinity.

A schoolboy error – of course SUAD must always dance BEFORE The Police come.

That’s about the only thing I can say about this song.

Freak Power : “Turn On, Tune In, Cop Out”
Janet Jackson : “Whoops Now”
Boyzone : “Love Me for a Reason”
Cher, Chrissie, Neneh, Eric : “Love Can Build a Bridge”
East 17 : “Stay Another Day”
Mike + The Mechanics : “Over My Shoulder”
Jimmy Nail : “Crocodile Shoes”
Scarlet : “Independent Love Song”
Simple Minds : “She’s a River”
The Boo Radleys : “Wake Up Boo!”
The Human League : “Tell Me When”
M People : “Sight for Sore Eyes”
Sting : “This Cowboy Song”
Shut Up and Dance : “Save It ‘Til The Mourning After”
R. Kelly : “Bump n’ Grind”
Eternal : “Oh Baby I…”
Massive Attack featuring Tracey Thorn : “Protection”
Portishead : “Glory Box”
Oasis : “Whatever”

- The Comical Relievers
- The Africa Savers
- The Supergroup
- The Hilarious Red-Nose Fun-Time Band feat. Cher

These spots – essentially adverts – seem to be an essential feature of these programmes, though I wonder if they’d be better off without them. The standard set by the pre-Live Aid clips from Ethiopia was arguably a special case, but the examples since always seem to leave a bad taste in my mouth. Well-intentioned as they may be, the effect seems to be a cynical arousal of pity in order to hit targets – never a hint of societal, national or personal culpability or a mention of the political causes or solutions for these problems – just make them cry, make them phone, we’ll take care of the rest – then you can forget about them until next year.

Comic Relief – in my mind at least – was supposed to be different from the ‘Sending Our Love Down The Well’ template mentioned by Patrick @ #9. Instead of bombarding viewers with demands it was supposed to be entertaining – we’d get a new episode of Blackadder, then with a few gentle nudges we’d cough up. The previous #1s we’ve seen and most of those to come follow this rule pretty well, being comedy records of one sort or another. The Stonk, for example, is terrible by any reasonable standard – but it makes pre-teens laugh, and that’s about as much as it sets out to do.

Then in 1995 the powers that be decided that instead of a comedy single for a comedy event it would be better to record an all-star tear-jerking charity single for use behind their film clips and montages. Four fanbases and for charity too – that was enough to get it to the top of the charts, but the sentiment stinks. Bad music, misuse of talented musicians (& Clapton), horrible production and an overwhelming air of feel-good seriousness when none is needed about a cause that nobody involved wanted to engage with at all. Even The Stonk is preferable. 1.

I don’t have much to add to Tom’s review of this record; it’s not completely terrible by any means and maybe even works well as a call to duty to be charitable, but it plods and it’s almost impossible to imagine anyone choosing to listen to this if there was anything else from Cher, etc. … around to choose from (which there always will be).

Clapton’s wailing here reminds me of the guitar on TLC’s sultry Red Light Special from around this time (the single between Creep and Waterfalls from CrazySexyCool, the inescapable album of ’95 in the US; RLS seemed to be where they reeled in the boys).