YOU SAD BASTARD! – Carter Reconsidered
I don’t think much of the idea of ‘guilty pleasures’ but there’s guilt and there’s guilt, isn’t there? There’s guilt for something you might be doing wrong - breaking some invisible law of taste, maybe - and that guilt you can and should kick aside. But then there’s guilt for the things you have done, and that’s what I felt when I listened to Carter USM.
The USM stands for Unstoppable Sex Machine, and like everything else about them it seemed like a good idea at the time. Which was 1989 to sometime in the mid-90s - they lost their major label deal and faded from sight; they’d faded from fashion long before. But for a while they were kings - a No.1 album and Top 10 singles when ‘indie bands’ didn’t routinely achieve such things, in the music press all the time, et cetera. In their pomp they were as big as The Smiths ever were, I’d guess. They had a high profile for so long that their profile now they’re uncool is absolutely flat - they don’t even get referenced by mags who want to wink knowingly at their readers and say, hey, even we get it wrong sometimes, because with Carter the NME and other zines got it ‘wrong’ continually, for years.
Actually I’m not even sure they are uncool: I just assume it, since Carter’s still-going solo projects don’t get the slightest far-off hint of buzz. They re-united onstage earlier this year and if I hadn’t been to their website I’d never have known. If they’re not uncool they’re certainly almost forgotten. But whichever it is, there’s a question we can ask about Carter USM: why were they liked, and why aren’t they liked now?
(And there’s another, guiltier, question, too - do I like them?)
One simple answer to start with: Carter did a specific thing nobody else was doing, which made them popular, but that was all they did, so people got bored. They were two men with keyboards, a drum machine, and a guitar. The drum machine hammered out a bass-and-beats pattern; the keyboards provided a melody line and the guitar thrashed away in sympathy. The vocals were sung/shouted in an angry South London bark and it very shortly became clear that almost every Carter track - especially the singles - was issue-led or political.
Before each single’s release there would be an item on the NME news page saying what Carter would be “dealing with” this time. “Anytime Anyplace Anywhere” “dealt with” alcoholism; “Bloodsport For All” “dealt with” racism in the army; “After The Watershed” “dealt with” child abuse; and so on. Dealing with an issue involved shouting about how bad it was, in an oblique sort of way which the Carter website calls ‘blackly humourous’ and which you could still jump up and down to. To illustrate let’s take a verse from their breakthrough hit, “Sheriff Fatman”, which “dealt with” slum landlords in fairly typical style:
“Fatman’s got something to sell to the capital’s homeless
A Crossroads Motel for the no-fixed-aboders
You can live life in style! You can sleep in a closet
And if you flash him a smile he’ll take your teeth on deposit”
This summary probably makes Carter USM sound bloody awful. At the time, though, “Sheriff Fatman” was an invigorating, exciting record, and here’s where I start to feel guilty. I felt guilty for liking Carter USM so much when I was 17 and 18, and then I felt guilty for not liking them and for feeling guilty, and above all that I felt guilty about the fact that the only time I listened to them was when I got drunk with friends who still owned the records and insisted on them putting “Falling On A Bruise” on. “Falling On A Bruise” is Carter’s big end-of-record ballad from their second album. My friend and I listened to it on our last day of school one term and I think of that every time I hear it: “Some you win and some you lose, and I’ve spent my whole lifetime falling on a bruise, and if I had the chance to do it all again, I’d change EVERYTHING”. It hadn’t been a great term but it hadn’t been as bad as that, and we hadn’t spent our whole lifetimes doing very much of anything, but that was part of the point.
Why did I stop liking them? That same friend and I went round Europe in 1992. When we got back there was a new Carter single out, “The Only Living Boy In New Cross” (their best single, it seems to me now). I was disappointed with it - more of the same old stuff. I had new friends too, who didn’t like Carter. By the time I went to University I didn’t like them either or affected not to, and as usual the affectation turns into the real thing pretty quickly. And something else was happening: other political bands were getting attention and getting big, and most of those bands were using programmed rhythms too. Chumbawamba, Senser, Back To The Planet - these bands weren’t on major labels like Carter, so they seemed like they had more integrity, but they also diluted the uniqueness of Carter’s jokey-punky approach.
And when those bands went out of fashion, as quickly as they’d come in, Carter went with them. Political pop, and guitars with drum machines, were suddenly about the naffest things a band could do. Social, knowingly British, character-driven pop by snappily-dressed new groups was much cooler - you know the history, I’m sure. And what Carter did is still very unfashionable. Well, sort of. The basic formula of Carter USM is not a vast distance from the basic formula of Le Tigre, after all. But the band’s reputation isn’t what I’m interested in: what I want to ask is, did they sound good? Did the formula work?
In some ways I think it did. Very few bands have sounded as cheap as Carter, and very few have seemed less subtle. The rhythm tracks Carter used were always ultra-primitive - synth presets on sulphate - and the hooks were as brutishly to-the-point as any Top 10 trance tune. The nasty sound of the tapes and machines bled into the nasty sound of pig-handed guitar chordage, but nothing ever sounded stodgy or sluggish like so much guitar-rock of the time did. Linked to the lyrical editorialising, this meant a kind of angry, energetic thrill, like being on a one-man private demo. The ‘guilt’ was built into listening, because you knew of course that they were simplistic and crass, but you loved them that way. They made crassness a virtue.
This was one reason why some of Carter’s worst singles ranted not about AIDS or single mothers but about the simply dreadful state of the pop charts (present company excepted, naturally). “Do Ray Me So Far So Good” saw the only guitar band in the Top 10 sneering about the “pop music stars / with their pop music guitars” who weren’t writing songs about abused children. “Lenny And Terence” was an ugly, pointless stomp which bizarrely chose Terence Trent D’Arby as symptomatic of something rotten in the state of Gallup. You were brought suddenly down to Earth - for a band to work up the exact same froth of rage against Lenny Kravitz as against the Gulf War made both froths seem a bit silly.
Carter’s very worst single was a karaoke stab at “The Impossible Dream” which they talked up as a Christmas No.1 but which may well have scotched their career. It showed off their other defining trait - they were as sentimental a band as the 90s produced. As their fame grew, so did their feeling for their unfortunate fellow man. “The Only Living Boy…” is ostensibly about HIV paranoia but it’s soaked through with hokey affection and the bits everyone remembers are the all-embracing lists of South London lowlives - “the gypsies, the travellers, and the thieves / The good, the bad, the average, and unique”. It thunders along on a borrowed Magazine riff, but this song offers both sides a big boozy hug, shot or not. “Lean On Me I Won’t Fall Over” has a skippy piano loop and a live drummer, but otherwise it’s business as usual musically, and the lyrics are “You’ve Got A Friend” with extra needle-sharing.
In the end, though, I’m a sentimental man myself, and this is why, yes, I do like Carter USM. Especially, I’ll grant you, if I’ve had a few pints. Carter at their occasional best sit as part of a much-loved strain of pint-handed mawkishness in British rock: Rod Stewart’s “You Wear It Well”, The Pogues’ “Rainy Night In Soho”, Mott’s “Saturday Gigs” maybe. And “Falling On A Bruise”, too. These songs stick out like a sore head amongst all the other stuff I like, though that’s not why I feel guilty. I feel guilty because admitting I like Carter USM is admitting the 18-year-old me was more honest, and more open-hearted, than the me which didn’t like them through most of my twenties. They’re part of my history as a pop fan - and their story’s interesting beyond that, as an example of what happens to one-trick ponies when the rides dry up (it was listening to The Streets that got me thinking about Carter again, as it happens). I wouldn’t recommend them to you - a lot of the time they were rubbish, after all - but I won’t apologise either. And if I had the chance to do it all again? I’d change nothing.
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Howard Rowntree on June 4th, 2007
Carter we’re one of those bands people either loved or hated. It’s interesting to note that the music industry seems to have completely forgetten about them and yet they were probably one of the most important bands of the 90’s. And just to show how importnat they we’re their Brixton reunion show sold out within days.
dani on June 10th, 2007
Carter USM is part of my life, it’s still a very important part of me. They are my idols and I still listen to them quite often. I’m from Spain and I also felt alone by the time they were so famous, as no one else in my hometown knew them.
I wish I could understand better English as I don’t get the meaning of so many songs… but the music, no matter if the author of this essay says it’s just all the same, I think it’s really different from anything else I can find in other groups.
And, still, I think the latest songs from the two members once they split up, some of them are worth it, especially the Jimbob ones.
Murdoch on June 11th, 2007
Carter the Unspeakable Shit Machine, as they were known round my way, were more fucking horrible than the first world war. Stupid fucking hair, cycling clothing (Who fucking DOESN’T look like a twat in THAT?) and songs to make one murderous with rage. I cite in evidence the following: Their inept drum programming - clattery lumpen “beats” built by people who couldn’t dance for people who couldn’t dance - made all their songs sound like a drill square at busy time for drill squares, only with some whiny nasal Sarf Lahndan dole-bludger moaning about some shit that’s got fuck all to do with him, because he’s afucking POP STAR, thrown to the fore over the relentless sound of stomping, which if I remember correctly, was just about all Carter fans could do when overwhelmed with a desire to “dance”. Carter’s ghastly pun-ridden lyrics, which the witless cunts who bought this shite claimed were “witty” and/or “ironic”, are enough to make anyone with any fondness whatever for wit and irony choke on their Squeeze records.
Lemme get back to their “image”. Correct me if I’m wrong, but having a manky hippy squatter’s “interesting” hairdo is only a good thing if you’re a manky hippy squatter, which in itself is only a good thing if you want me to come and whack your feckless brains out with a car door, y’bastard. And the cycling shorts and t-shirts!!! Honest to Christ, if there was ever a clothing choice better designed to make some aging scrawny hair criminal (who used to be in the shittest of all shit indie bands - Jamie Wednesday) look even more of a cunt than his hairdon’t and back-to-front cap already did, then I want to know about it.
These arseholes should have been drowned at birth instead of subjecting me and other right-thinking music fascists to their faux-proletarian blethering and hideous tastlesness.
One more thing - I hate the fact that Mega City Four still get lumped in with crap like Carter. Genuinely witty and caring people and bands like MC4 don’t come along every day of the week, whereas you can walk into any student bar in the western world and hear some middle-class twonk twatting a guitar in the most grindingly dull way imaginable while spraying poorly considered puns and hapless low-grade wordplay at his mates and their girlfriends from the stage. Do yourselves a favour, kids. If you see one of them, spoil their evening before they spoil yours.
Oh, and next time you’re at a mate’s house and he brings out his big sister’s Carter cds and says “You might not have heard this, but it’s really good - it’s from the 90s”, punch him in the throat, shove the Carter cds up his nose and then leave, safe in the knowledge that you’ve narrowly avoided a lifetime’s friendship with an unconscionable arsehole.
FT's CarsmileSteve on June 11th, 2007
man, he was doing so well until the Megas reference as well…
i assume that the poster is Howlin’ Mad Murdoch…
Murdoch on June 11th, 2007
Assume away. You’ll be wrong, though.
I, on the other hand, will be right about MC4. ;)
Howard Rowntree on June 12th, 2007
Well there’s one person who won’t be going to the reunion gig then. Nice to see so many open minded people in England. I always think the worst opinion you could possibly have of a band is indifferance!!!
FT's Admin on June 12th, 2007
i know of at least 2 commenters here who will be going tho.
Murdoch on June 13th, 2007
Unfortunately for me, I saw Crapper the Unlistenable Suck Machine at the Four 4 Wiz gig in March. They were as horrible and porridgey then as they ever were, although they seem to have given up on their ill-advised expermiental hair action. I forgot to say - despite my scattergunning of insults at Carter fans (they REALLY can’t dance) - that it’s my responsibility as a grumpy but fairminded old fuck to acknowledge goodness when it rears its all-too-shy pretty little head, so here goes: you will not meet kinder, more open-minded, community-spirited, supportive, intelligent and tolerant people than Carter fans. The same was true 15 years ago. How Carter ever got these people on side when Sugar gigs were full of the most annoying chin-stroking “appreciators” of music is beyond me, but there you go.
Enjoy the reunion gigs, but remember this, aging pop thirtysomethings - Jesus loves the Stooges and is at best ambivalent about Carter, although I’m fairly certain that given the choice between Carter and nails through hands, he’d say “Gimme that hammer, mate. I’ll do the job meself.”
sst on June 23rd, 2007
well your opinion is just a rant - makes me think they stole your wife (i am assuming you are a man) - if you don’t like them that is ok. but i never met 2 more honest down to earth blokes in a band. they never claimed to be the best, they never claimed to be cool, they were never fashionable. they laughed at themselves and even appeared in a sketch on newman and badiel about people with comic faces. i think they deserve more respect even if you don’t like the music they tried and succeeded for a good few years.
(yes i am proud to dance to the music that nobody likes.)
Greg on July 7th, 2007
They were the best band ever. They only had one gig in my country in 1995 to which nobody went, so they never came again - and when I heard about the reunion gig and started saving for my airplane ticket it had already sold out. So enjoy, those of you who could get tickets.
Lucyp on July 18th, 2007
I am so happy to find fellow Carter USM fans. I was a massive Carter fan back in the day and i still listen to them now every so often.
Falling On A Bruise was a great song which i liked so much i named my blog after it.
I would say Worry Bomb was probably their greatest album which is a damn shame they had fallen from grace by then, The Only Looney Left In Town deserved better.
Thorsten M. on August 22nd, 2007
I have always loved Carter USM. As a German fan it was pretty hard to get their singles, albums or even merchandise. Carter were more than just music: they were a lifestyle, the feelings of a whole generation. And, of course, they were brilliant musicians.
I’ve spent hours translating their lyrics into proper German, asking friends whose fathers served in the Rhine Army what certain puns COULD mean. I actually don’t know how many concerts I have seen. It were a whole lot - at least for Teutonic Carter maniac.
What saddens me most, is that Tom’s ugly rant willingly forgets about Jim’s wonderful voice, Les’ poignant arrangements and their breathtaking live shows.
I used to be a dedicated fan and I still am.
Unfortunately I won’t have the chance to see one of their shows this autumn, what makes me feel sad.
Love,
Thorsten xxx
bluemonday on August 22nd, 2007
carter were never cool but they were *amazing*. i cant wait for the brixton live show later this year, it is going to be so good!
i feel a bit sorry for them for the fact they have been erased from musical history. at the time though they were massive.
z_zadar on August 29th, 2007
Carter USM are one the few band I idologize. Yes, they may be simple and the lyrics may be shouting-political-issues, but that’s punkish. They are punk band, with beautiful pop-hard-core-punk image.
I’ll never forgive myself for not going on that Dom Sportova, Zagreb concert, and I was in town at the moment.
They may be erased from musical history, but it is legendary in some twisted way.
magic mushroom on September 1st, 2007
get over it. enjoy the irony and naffness of the whole thing. dig out your steeleys and beg, borrow or steal a ticket to the gigs in glasgow and london and yell for 24 minutes or surfing usm for the chance to relive what it was like when you were eighteen!!!
Rob Townsend on September 23rd, 2007
This is a good piece about a band that really dissected the indie world.
It inspired me to write an essay myself. Copy and paste this:
http://kingbobbysix.blogspot.com/2007/09/why-i-love-carter-unstoppable-sex.html
Feedback is welcomed.
james on September 23rd, 2007
I discovered Carter about 12 years ago and really got off on them. After a spell away I now listen to them and The New York Dolls mostly while driving - Carter’s Dome Sportova and their Live in Concert 1991-94 compilations belt out all the great songs, along with the NYD’s Return of the New York Dolls: Live From Royal Festival Hall, 2004.(A great album)
There is something about all that anger and rage that I find so captivating,enjoyable and therapeutic yet there is a sensitivity behind it all that is somehow very moving.
FT's Alan on September 26th, 2007
someone on the guardian blog (Which successful bands haven’t been influential) has a ticket for the upcoming show perhaps. This just showed up on Digg too! And: Warning! Extremely long comments full of people talking absolute cock. Moderate use of the word “influence” and some graphic examples of cockfarming.
also also also, the Comics Britannia thing on BBC FOUR the other day, the episode on the 80s, covering 2000AD and Deadline, kept using the same Deadline cover - yep the Carter one as seen on Rob T’s post linked in the above comment.
dead on arrival, the carter revival.
Mark2026 on October 27th, 2007
I did, and still do love ‘em
Do it fruitbat!
bottomley m.d. on November 11th, 2007
murdoch, in the words of john cooper clark,can’t hear you mate, yr mouths full of sh*t!! lol.
david on November 13th, 2007
I read the review with great interest. Because this is the first person who i have ever met, who ‘went off’ carter. As time goes on, certain friends of mine listen to Carter less and less frequently, but certainly when the music comes out together it is much loved and always as it always has been.
I only read the first 15-20 comments and noted that no one else ever really had enough of Carter, so now i am wondering if this review is really representing a minority of one!
It’s no surprise to me that they sold out brixton gig in quick time with little PR and being lucky enough to get one of the tickets, I can assure you that it was one hell of a gig.
ross a. ferrone on January 4th, 2008
An interesting viewpoint but remember this.Carter didnt do a Pulp & double ticket prices the minute they had a no.1 album,they respected their loyal fanbase,kept the price down & toured regularly.You also neglected to mention their many great album tracks-’spoilsports personality’ a particular favourite of mine.Having seen them 8 times I never witnessed a poor show,they were all nothing short of brilliant.I just hope they surprise us all & do a Shed7 & announce a Greatest Hits Tour in 2008.Oh & ‘Rubbish’ was one of their finest singles-never should that word be used to describe this band!
Jef Proudfoot on March 22nd, 2008
Murdoch is a Schofield. I love ‘em to bits but didn’t automatically like everything they did. Never keen on L & T. Loved the gig at Wimbledom Library. Like (most of) their new stuff too.
FT's and everybody elses Mark G on May 22nd, 2008
I was on the phone to a friend when Amber (then three) waved a cassette I’d bought in Thailand (a legit EMI one! hey, the legit ones are £2, why buy dodgy pirates for £1? anyroad..) “Straw Donkey - The singles” and wanted to hear it. So I said “um, I’m not sure it’s what you expect” but put it on anyway, and the kids (i.e. including Alice, then 15 months) went totally dance crazy nuts over “Only living boy”, “Glam Rock Cops” and all points between.
I had to tell my friend “It’s not all like this you know” but actually, from that point on it was.
I did get “Worry Bomb” but it’s not right. That cassette is the bomb, not “WB” with it’s free live album (or maybe the live albums worth revisiting? ach)
Gibby on June 9th, 2008
Any band that attempts to t**t Philip Schofield are instant legends, no matter what you think of their music!!!