With The Immaculate Collection, Madonna was able to remix and edit her history as well as her songs, jumping triumphantly from the True Blue singles to the Like A Prayer ones, from superstar consolidation to next-level persona building. She took the opportunity to erase her 1987, a messy year creatively as well as personally as the string of underdone singles from the Who’s That Girl soundtrack showed. The title track is better than the clattering, SAW-ish “Causing A Commotion” or diffuse ballad “The Look Of Love”, but this is still a barely engaged Madonna. It’s only on the “light up my life” bridge that she seems at all bothered, and there’s no real emotional connection between that and the rest of the song – the whole thing is marking time. Since I like ‘latin Madonna’ I think it marks time very pleasantly, but we’re still in the departure lounge of San Pedro airport here, waiting resignedly for something to happen.

Neil Tennant does not have a weak voice but it is a thin one, with a limited range, and a lot of the Pet Shop Boys’ effectiveness comes from how they work with and around that. It means, for example, they can’t often surrender to euphoria like the hi-NRG and house music they’ve drawn from. The voice seems to work best at a distance from the sound, which meant they were regularly labelled ironists. But often the distance isn’t the knowing detachment of the commentator, it’s a felt, painful gap born of self-knowledge. No other pop star I can think of has had so many hit singles about self-reflection: looking back, considering ones life and its successes and failures: “Being Boring”, “Left To My Own Devices”, “Can You Forgive Her”, “Always On My Mind” even. Tennant is like some sort of Marcus Aurelius of pop.

And “It’s A Sin” is his first great exploration of the theme, though for me it’s the least of them. I’ve never quite loved it, though it’s marvellous fun, a brilliant tribute to the more grandiose end of italo disco. Its apocalyptic busy-ness works in the song’s defiant context, and all the samples, thunderclaps, Latin mumbling, synthetic gothickry and so on are great at establishing Tennant’s boyhood as a kind of moral Gormenghast he is still struggling to escape. But at the same time I can feel bludgeoned by it – the narrative flourishes (“They didn’t quite succeed!”) make me gasp and chuckle but they don’t get under my skin the way “Rent” or “Devices” do. Maybe I should just put it down to not being raised Catholic.

This is still a very fine record, though, and one of Tennant’s best performances. The force in his voice comes through fully as he hovers and swoops above the maelstrom of effects: a cold, wrathful tone he usually only shows in flashes. Perhaps you need to know what damnation is to sound quite so damning.

Sometimes there is no gulf wider than the one between the 12 and the 13 year old boy. I remember meeting up with a friend – 18 months or so younger – in the school holidays and him absolutely bouncing with delight over this record, which made me shudder. For him this was priceless observational comedy; for me, a cringing reminder of the kind of thing I would have been into a summer or two before.

So ripe for reappraisal, then? Well, not really: this is rank. It’s the cheapest sounding record I think we’ll ever meet; the impressions are disasterous; the jokes were old then and are now so stained into the upholstery of Star Trek they barely register as jokes. Every now and then someone will throw out the insult “music for people who don’t like music”, for some record which commits the great sin of being pleasant or boring: “Star Trekkin’” isn’t really either of those things but it fits the diss better than most songs – more so than with any other comedy record we’ve encountered the music is a crushed, weak, thing: a disdainful, perfunctory vector for the poor gags.

I hope I’ll never have to hear it again without a drink to hand, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing of interest in “Star Trekkin’”. Wikipedia offers a way in by hinting that it’s the only filk record to top the charts, and the song is knowing and affectionate enough to come over as validation if you wanted it to be. But even as a non Trek fan* it seemed dumb to me, taking the most obvious drinking-game Trek tropes and working them ragged. What it reminds me of more, though, are fandom-driven internet memes – it’s stupider and less sophisticated than most of what gets passed around these days but especially with its plasticine video it has something of the have-you-seen-this oh-go-on-then spreadability of modern online pop culture. Of course back in 1987 there were precious few people online to spread anything much (though I bet they all liked Star Trekkin) and we had to rely on Radio 1 DJs to be our filters. Step forward the villain of this piece, Simon Bates, dropping his usual m.o. of tear-jerking populism to show that, hey, he knew how to have fun too. Bastard.

*and alright, yes, this is relevant to my hating the record: I disliked Star Trek. As a young Doctor Who fan I had happily taken sides and have broadly speaking stuck to them, for all the exotica-drenched charm of the original Trek series. At the time this song came out the Star Trek franchise was undergoing a rebirth, thanks to the successful films – the Next Generation series had been announced and I knew people who were excited for it. As for Doctor Who, it was at its lowest ebb – cancelled, then reprieved, then subjected to a run of stories that suggested the cancellers knew their jobs pretty well. “Star Trekkin” might have been an embarassment, but to admit liking Doctor Who in 1987 would have been far worse. A Who-based number one record seemed a distant prospect indeed…

“I wanna dance with somebody who loves me”: the lyrics on this record suggest vulnerability, but who are they kidding? It’s pure titanium, stadium-ready dance music backing a singer on juggernaut form. I’ve talked a lot in the 80s entries about how bigness for its own sake often misfires as a strategy but if you can do enormity well then you’re laughing. And thanks to Whitney this track pulls it off – the producers can conjure up as much space and scale and decoration as they like and throw it at her in the knowledge her voice can rise above it.

So the record can start with one of the great kick-off-your-heels-and-dance promises, that electro stutter and revved-up blurt of synth trumpet, and Houston totally delivers on it. Foghorn when she wants to be, sweet and strong when she needs to be: the way she sugars then bites off that long “heeeeeeeeeeea-t” mid song just the peak of a tremendous performance. It’s all so strong it can be somewhat bludgeoning, but luckily there’s laughter in it too – that husky chorus of galley slaves chanting “DANCE. DANCE.”, encouraging Whitney through the delirious coda. It’s a shame that we didn’t often hear this kind of delighted fierceness from Whitney after “I Wanna Dance” – ballads were her great showboating strength and this kind of party belter is a style she seemed happy to let others run with.

The list of albums is from Acclaimed Music, a kind of ‘metacanon’ which lists the top 3000 albums.

To make it more interesting, answer these questions in the comments box:

1. What’s the WORST record on this list?
2. Which of the records you ticked did you love first?
3. Which of them did you start to love most recently?

Poll below the cut.

Listening to this song you realise that at some point the idea that a rock record should sound like a bunch of people in the same place playing the same music at the same time was completely abandoned by record producers. Not in the name of experimentation, or expanding a record’s sound, but I guess just because that kind of verisimilitude didn’t seem relevant any more. In its way this even seems a more radical shift than genres like dub reggae or techno which were clearly studio constructs from the off.

This is a long way of saying that there’s something quite off about a song like “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”: built for a movie, it has the same oddly flat, perspective-warping quality as a studio set, like it only really exists in the context of the action, when it’s soundtracking something. That eerie dead space is created pretty much entirely by the echo on the percussion: I guess it could also be filled by crowds of people singing along, which is why arena rockers took to this kind of song.

Listened to alone there’s a discrepancy between the size and effort of the sound (colossal) and the emotional take-out from it (pea-sized) that tips me into laughter when Starship try and go up a gear leading into the guitar solo. Maybe if I’d put more hours in with Grace Slick’s earlier work I’d find it in me to despise Starship but for all its vacuous, leaden bigitude, deep in its tiny heart this is affable enough to be harmless.

So here’s a poll of all 32 of the tracks we’ve seen so far: I’d like you to pick the five you’ve liked most, and I’ll bundle the tracks which do best up into some kind of PROMOTIONAL THING.

While I’m at it, I’d like to publically thank everyone who has taken part – as managers obviously but also the voters. Even the reduced turnout in the last couple of matches has been way more than what we got last time we did something like this, and it’s gratifying that people are finding it fun to do. Now enough from me and onto the REALLY BIG POLL:

Voting for this match closes at midnight on the 11th March.

SPAIN: Juniper Moon – “¿Volverás” The manager says – “Spain’s rookie manager faces the tough task of making his debut in international pop against Switzerland, the winners of EuroPop 2008. In preparation for this difficult challenge the Spanish training staff practiced many different formations and tactics. In the end he has decided for a direct and fast-paced approach, hoping to catch the Swiss by surprise. The organized chaos by Juniper Moon will hopefully confuse the reigning EuroPop champions enough to take the 3 points back to Madrid.”

Length: 2:18 Played: 181

SWITZERLAND: Touch El Arab – “Muammar” The manager says – “Touch El Arab are apparently a Swiss one hit wonder from 1987. I have absolutely no idea what this song is about but it’s really pretty and atmospheric and nicely bloopy. It also has a really catchy sample.”

Length: 5:51 Played: 163

Commentary Box Analysis: “A beguiling approach from the Swiss but somewhat one-paced – Spain on the other hand are a little more ragged in their passing and crossing but have speed and energy on their side.”

RESULT! New Zealand 3 Slovakia 1: It may not have drawn much of a crowd but this was a fine performance from New Zealand, who soon took complete control of the game despite a bright start from Slovakia. “Slovakia shows a few nice moves to begin, but, unfathomably, from about 1 min 20 sec on they just start passing the ball around themselves at the back, never to be seen again. This back-line needs a bass-line to stand a chance of success.” “NZ mutant disco v. the Slovak Jack Johnson (straight faced or not)? The Kiwis have it.” “NZL go out and win it with a forthright, attacking disco-revival performance; solid rather than spectacular, but I like the way the playfulness of the vocals overcomes what initially seems like harshness.”

Coming Up! Next week you’re in the capable hands of Tim Hopkins and Steve Hewitt who will be masterminding the second batch of group stage matches. South Africa take on Uruguay on Monday, then France play Mexico on Tuesday with the loser facing an end to their qualification hopes.

This blog entry is an explanation of some of the references and underlying assumptions behind my little bit of sci-fi journalism. If the piece doesn’t make sense without it, I’ve failed, but it will hopefully be of interest to anyone who did enjoy the column.

Introduction: Marc’s cassette piece is very well worth reading. I was originally going to frame this with a “letter from the future” device but decided to be as clear as I could about what the column was, since I’d tried to keep a deadpan tone in the thing itself.

The 2022 publication date is semi-arbitrary. I wanted to position it far enough in the future that CDs had stopped being a going concern for a few years, but also near enough that the 00s were a “live” cultural issue in the way the 80s have been this decade.

March 21, 2021: This is the 20th anniversary of the industry suing Napster, a decision which didn’t slow the CD’s demise, but ensured the transition would be costlier and more bad-blooded than it needed to be.

Reece Maclay: was going to be Reece Marclay, after sound/record artist Christian Marclay, who is fascinated by the physical and artistic possibilities of recorded media. But I decided to change it. “Reece”, like most first names, was picked by my looking at baby names that were popular in the mid-late 90s.

“a way of demonstrating the durability”: this was demonstrated on the British popular science TV program Tomorrow’s World, when the CD was first introduced. It’s acquired semi-legendary status among people old enough to be Reece’s parents. It’s not actually on YouTube but it ought to be!

“stopped stocking CDs five years ago”: 2017 or so – to be honest I think this might happen quite a lot earlier.

“dedicated to making and swapping CD-Rs“: craft, music and booze ‘clubs’ are fairly common in London and will no doubt remain so. I thought the main battleground of “CD culture” would be over the social use of the music – as opposed to the “almost human” physicality of cassettes and vinyl which is the site of nostalgia (and resistance) in those movements. Any CD revival will be basically a front for a battle between certain ways of using digital sound and certain other ones.

“pulling ‘found files’..onto their CD-Rs”: an assumption I’m making is that computers in a decade’s time basically won’t use file systems: they’ll have lots of apps, and will be marvellous portals into cloud-based services, and they’ll have tons of ’space’ but it wont’ be used for data storage primarily. So dumped machines, packed with files but too power-hungry and slow to run, will be highly scavengeable in the way thrift store postcards etc are. Most of these machines will be today’s desirable portable things, by the way.

“Chantal Fielding“: “Chantal” is a 90s baby name, Fielding is after Anna Fielding who replied to a question about this piece on Twitter. Hi Anna!

“Prismatic Spray“: The name of an old AD&D spell. It’s in Rochester because that’s where the CD’s inventors, Kodak, were based.

“literally everything you look at you can find out everything about it“: the combination of augmented reality and the ‘internet of things‘ means that everything in reality is becoming “clickable” to some degree, acquiring an aura of . In this environment the pendulum may well swing back away from “authenticity” (today’s most desirable quality) to “mystery” (being able to cloak information or mislead or baffle).

“trying to work out who the playlist owner is“: haven’t really worked through the details, but this is assuming that the norm for the informal end of “club nights” (like our Poptimism one) will be a crowdsourced, ‘celestial jukebox’ type deal.

“The rejection of music’s networked elements”: it struck me reading Marc’s piece that one of the roots of cassette culture was rejection – a rejection of the digitalisation of music. This is no bad thing – any change is always a balance of loss and gain and people reminding us of the loss are very important. I wanted “CD culture” to have a similar rejection as its backbone, and settled on the ’social’ elements of music as something people might push against. Later in the piece this fits into the context of a more general social media backlash.

“the amateur press associations of 20th century fandom“: Prismatic Spray is a CD-driven APA, pure and simple. I used to be a member of several APAs and suspect the model might revive in the near future.

“the best themed CD-R“: the inspiration here were the “Rough Guide” series of CDs curated by ILM members – the time limit bred creativity.

“Inire Wolfe”: Wolfe is a reference to Gene Wolfe, my favourite sci-fi writer, and Father Inire is a character in my favourite book of his, The Book Of The New Sun.

“Hall of Mirrors”/”secret architecture“: In the book, Father Inire uses an array of dimension-shifting and teleportation devices which are known as “mirrors”. He has also built a kind of chateau, the House Absolute, which contains one house existing parallel to but physically hidden inside the other, so the concept of “secret architecture” in CDs is a little reference to the book too. Game-playing, declared or otherwise, is an important part of a fully social-media-integrated world.

“Zaireeka principle”: A reference to the Flaming Lips’ Zaireeka album, as written about by Pitchfork’s managing editor Mark Richardson in a 33 1/3 book. Zaireeka can only be listened to ‘properly’ if played simultaneously on four CD players.

“the artistic roots are different”: a lot of underground music-making takes its cue from various DIY based scenes, which often incorporate honesty and transparency as virtues. But there’s a parallel underground tradition of pranking, game-playing, bricolage etc. This tradition is intertwined with the DIY one, of course – both share some key values. In an environment where “honesty and transparency” have become the watchwords of what is essentially the new establishment you might expect the other tradition to resurface and bare its fangs (or at least enjoy itself). I decided this tradition would play the same kind of role in my “CD Culture” as the noise/DIY scene did for players in Marc’s cassette piece.

“post-social”: i.e. the backlash against social media culture – from within and below: any current 2010 backlash (stressing its dangers, stupidity etc,) being largely by non-participants and from above.

“Neoism and Fluxus“: they’re on Wikipedia. I’d forgotten Neoism entirely and only remembered looking up mail art for the APA mention.

“troll artists“: like most of the stuff mentioned, these already exist.

“bot-creators”: thinking here of things like David Bausola’s “demographic replicator” project, essentially creating bots on blogs and Twitter for unwitting members of the public to react to. It’s being investigated for market research, as well as for art and entertainment purposes.

“recommendation-scramblers”: scripts which fuck up the radar of predictive algorithms by generating clouds of chaff, and leave your tastes free from exploitation by The Man. Turn your personal aesthetic into a Dazzle Ship!

“Karen Eliot“: a portable identity used by the Neoists. I’m fascinated by these shared nom-de-plumes and expect to see more of them. Perhaps I already am.

“Starstrukk”/”My Humps”: guesses at potential 00s “Never Gonna Give You Up”s. Quite poor guesses, probably: perhaps St Rick will still be our patron.

“deliberately lo-bitrate”: not content with imagining a CD Revival I decided I’d sneak in a revival of sub-128kbps MP3s too.

“to the lossless warmth of most streamed music”: when I asked for ideas around a CD Revival a lot of people said “CDs are good because of sound quality” – but in a decade or so this won’t still be an argument, internet speed and a move away from private storage will do for that.

“ghostwave”: sorry!

Cursor Daly: Feeble semi-pun on Carson Daly.

“Loads of CD nerds were neuroscience majors”: speculation on what a common topic of study will be, the 10s equivalent of doing computer science in the 80s maybe.

“in an age where the smooth user experience and the invisible interface is everything”: going back to the points about the end of file-based navigation systems. This is extrapolation from the directions represented by the iPod and the iPad, plus the way alternative culture generally likes to reject the ‘homogenous’.

“lo-bit R’n’B and Scando-pop, reflecting the era he’s hoping to evoke”: the assumption here is that – if the term still means anything – ‘indie’ musicians will continue to draw at least some inspiration from popular styles which have been historicised.

“sneak into stores”: a riff on an old situationist action, but this one with a genuine delight at the idea of selling physical music at its centre.

“Of course if you scan the code on the CD you get the music free”: my assumption is that most acts will give away at least some of the digital versions of their music, perhaps all of it. Free is the underlying expectation.

“the same spikes and troughs of popularity”: one effect of social media on audiences is that your viewership/readership tends to be made up of a lot of spikes, rather than a growing or shrinking ‘audience’: ‘trend data’ isn’t as useful, which has implications for the ideas of building a career, etc.

A quick note on the characters in this piece’s opinions: none of them represent me, though I like them all. I don’t necessarily agree with them, and they are straw men in that sense. But I was careful to only invent projects I thought would be really fun and exciting. Also, one of the ideas underlying this – that “social media” is something which works best in small-group, collaborative, game-like experiences, is one I believe in very much.

The characters in the article have a spectrum of opinion and most of it is already out there. The strands about your tastes becoming public property are kind of related to the anxieties expressed by Jason Lanier in interviews around his book. The ideas of game-playing and mischief-making are hardly uncommon online and have a tradition going back long before that. Regret at the passing of broadcast media is currently more common among my generation so might die out entirely but I was thinking it would survive in the same semi-ironic way a nostalgia for ‘rock star excess’ endures: big remains potentially beautiful.

(Of course like most pieces with an element of ‘futurology’ none of the underlying stuff in “Shiny Shiny” isn’t happening now. And just as the time to start shouting about the loss of physical music was about 15 years ago, if you agree with the ‘post-social’ bits in this column the time to start worrying and thinking about them is now.)

This match ends at midnight on the 10th March – please listen and vote!

CHILE: Kudai – “Ven” No comment received from manager.

Length: 4:17 Played: 165

HONDURAS: Banda Blanca – “Chica Disco” The manager says – “Welcome to the wonderful world of Honduran punta rock! Banda Blanca were pretty much the first of the Honduran acts to have big hits (Punta-rock is based on the Garifuna rhythms of the region, so there a lot of Belizian acts as well as Honduran, which has been fun) and seem to have been knocking round for about 20 years. My thinking is going for an enduring formation could help save me from the battering I might be about to face, as the definite minnow of the whole competition.”

Length: 4:27 Played: 148

Commentary Box Analysis: “Both sides here playing strong, positive football – they know this is a big game for them and they need to make it count. Chile have muscle but not always finesse, Honduras are playing a pretty, uptempo passing game but I wonder about their options in the final third. Could go either way but there are goals in this game.

RESULT! Italy 0 Paraguay 0 Italy’s ruthless defense left no way through for a spirited but deeply limited Paraguay side. By the end of the game fans of both teams seemed resigned to a draw – those remaining in a fast-emptying stadium, that is. “If Italy’s approach results in a win in this game it could revolutionise the world of pop-football. It’s an untried tactic, a formation imported from another sport entirely. Surely it can’t succeed? But it’s up against such formulaic unpleasantness from Paraguay that it may have a chance on the day.” “real metal >>>>>>> silly Eurovision metal” “SPACE FOOTBALL! One side fields giant flesh-eating slugs with a lifespan of millennia, the other side fields metallic-clad strippers out of a Heavy Metal comic. The winner is of course the production designer.”

Coming Up! Our last two teams take the field tomorrow – Spain taking on the Europop 2008 winners Switzerland. And then it’s back to Group A on Monday as South Africa take on Uruguay.

Madonna’s appropriation move into Latin pop is a tightrope walk between corny and respectful: on the one hand an arrangement which packs in every Hispanic signifier bar a finishing “Ole!”, on the other a performance that has far more authority, conviction and love than her last excursion into pastiche. “La Isla Bonita” on paper looks like the most awful quesa – but right from “Last night I dreamed of San Pedro” it goes in a different direction, a reverie full of the real ache of missing somewhere beautiful – there’s something close to dread in her voice.

But in a British pop context “La Isla Bonita” resonates slightly differently: here San Pedro sounded like a Mediterranean island, which meant package holidays, and at the time I disliked “Bonita” as basically a middlebrow cousin of “Y Viva Espana” and suchlike. Eyes like a desert instead of straw donkeys and sombreros, but the principle was the same. Well, I was a bit of a fool back then. Especially since the collective ache of a holiday ended was about to transform British pop culture: a bunch of DJs and partygoers determined to establish the vibe of Ibizan clubs back home, and succeeding in the most remarkable ways.

The ripple effects of the Second Summer of Love – still 15 months off at this point – have transformed how I hear “La Isla Bonita” as an adult: now it sounds like Madonna making a Balearic record. For those unfamiliar with the thin slicing of dance music genres what that means practically is that now when I listen to it I tune in to its buried spaciness, I want more of those Spanish guitar runs, more inessential prettiness, more of the dream and not so much of the song the dream created. Frankly, my ideal version of “Bonita” would be an 8-minute long disco edit which pushed the lumbering chorus to the sidelines: that’s the one bit I still agree with my younger self on, a spell-it-out wake-up call in an otherwise captivating pop track.

Despite formal protests from the DPRK’s representatives we will still be using the concept of “voting” to decide the outcome of this match. You have until midnight on the 8th March.

BRAZIL: Los Hermanos – “Quem Sabe” The manager says – “The famously tight-lipped Chris Ambrose is going to let his game do the talking in this first match.”

Length: 2:33 Played: 204

NORTH KOREA: Wangjaesan Light Music Band – “Singosan Taryeong” The manager says – “Victorious Greetings from the Hermit Kingdom! Prepare dismally to grasp all you know is wrong, by the medium of HOT YOUNG DPRK WOMEN PERFORMING LEGGY PEOPLE’S ROCK WITH KEYTARS AND EVERYTHING. The Wangjaesan Light Music Band soar above your puny imperialiist tweetings. “Singosan taryeong” is a puissant polyform ballad in which peasant and proletariat, united, surge across the ploughed fields to defeat the emaciated lion of individualistic delusion. Let the barbarian “jazz” of the pitiful outer layers roar and whine in feeble acknowledgment: ALL SHALL WORSHIP US AND DESPAIR.”

Length: 2:57 Played: 222

COMMENTARY BOX ANALYSIS: “A physical ska-rock formation isn’t what neutrals necessarily expect from Brazil, and it’ll be interesting to see how well these direct tactics work against a Korean side with a lot more individual flair than I think many anticipated.”

RESULT! Cameroon 1 Japan 1: Cameroon had by far the better of the first half but faded badly in the face of a Japanese fightback and can consider themselves very lucky to have escaped with a point. “Cameroon is OK, a bit “incidental music on a visit-our-beautiful-country advert with added miaowing”, but OK.” “The Japanese are left panting, but their breathlessness energizes them, somehow, are far more resilient than you’d expect from a band whose manager labels them “indiepop.” The motion is one-track in comparison to Cameroon’s, but has a similar beauty, and if the track takes them to the goal, what’s the complaint? I hear a much closer match than the other commenters do.” “After reading the comments I was expecting a poor entry from Japan, but this really is great stuff. Cameroon have novelty value, but not enough to win it here.”

Coming Up! The tournament’s final group brings us Honduras against Chile on Thursday, while on Friday Spain and Switzerland are the last of our 32 countries to play their opening games.

2. We know that the strategy review recommends a big shift in focus on Radio 2, making it at least 50% speech-based in the day time and giving its specialist, comedy, concert and jazz shows higher-profile slots. This is to create greater distinction between R2 and commercial radio.

3. We know that the strategy of creating branded digital “sister channels” which allow more diverse and in-depth content is seen as a success. 1Xtra costs more per listener hour than 6Music but is not being threatened with any cuts – instead it will have “closer ties” to Radio 1 (a very dubious idea, but that’s for another post!). The relatively successful Radio 7 is being rebranded as Radio 4 Extra (R4 listeners are uncool enough to need the ‘E’ in Extra, apparently).

4. We know that 6Music as it stands has passionate fans, but we also know that at least until its existence began to be threatened, it was open to a good deal of criticism: the comments on this Martin Kelner piece, from only a year ago, are especially interesting partly because very few are from 6 Music listeners saying how wonderful it is – most agree that changes are badly needed.

So taking all these things together, one really obvious course of action suggests itself: push through the changes suggested by the Trust anyway and rebrand 6Music as Radio 2Extra.

This would have the following benefits:

- continue to make the BBC’s radio channel strategy more coherent and justifiable.
- preserve the good elements of 6Music – specialist shows like Craig Charles and Stuart Maconie, their live and session broadcasts, etc.
- raise awareness of 6Music/2Extra among listeners to the biggest radio station in the UK.
- widen the channel’s non-new music programming away from its current comfort zone of the post-punk and indie eras and make it think a bit more widely about what “alternative” might mean to different and more diverse audiences.
- give 2 Extra a distinct music-based identity compared to the more speech-led identity of Radio 2 proper.
- lower the listener cost per hour over time by using 2 Extra as a seed for formats, presenters etc. on its sister channel.

So simple! I bet they’ll end up actually doing something like this so I thought I’d blog about it now.

And while they’re at it they could nick all of Resonance’s best programming for 3 Extra too ;)

Let’s vote! You have until midnight on March 7th to pick a winner here.

IVORY COAST: Bab Lee – “Tropical Mix (Sous Les Cocotiers)” The manager says – “All out attack. Melody is left on the bench as rhythmic nous, constantly switching wingplay, the best two-note hook since Boredom, and enough energy to last until the 95th minute are deployed to undo the Portuguese.”

Length: 6:10 Played: 197

PORTUGAL: Mikado Lab – “Takket” The manager says – “It’s not often that exceptional pop music from Portugal reaches the rest of the world. The music sung in Portuguese that everyone loves almost without exception comes, of course, from its former colony Brazil. Fittingly, Lisbon fourpiece Mikado Lab isn’t really a pop band, and they don’t have a singer. The gorgeous “Takket” comes from last year’s Coração Pneumático, one of two albums released by the band in 2009. Theirs is a Stereolabby kind of jazz, with hints of both Bach and the Beach Boys. Keyboardist Ana Araújo plays a melody as simple as it sounds irresistable, with bandleader and drummer Marco Franco keeping the rhythm light yet insistent. ”

Length: 2:43 Played: 190

Commentary Box Analysis: “Ivory Coast are playing a constant pressing game all over the pitch: Portugal are doing their best to keep the tempo down and build attacks. I don’t think either side is playing with a recognised striker but there’s enough skill and innovative tactics on show here to satisfy any real lover of the game. Fascinating match.”

RESULT: Denmark 1 Holland 4: Spirited effort from the Danes but they ultimately had no answers to this well-drilled, slick Dutch side. “Great stuff from NED – love her poise and sense of timing. It’s a big tune, but she doesn’t overplay it – she holds back, it’s all in the details of her phrasing, her judicious pauses and “mm-hmm”s.” The Dutch track is another order of quality, the song itself isn’t all that interesting but she tackles it with the right kind of lacksadaiscal aplomb.” “Sukkerchok has a great melody, though, and delivery too I think. It’s classic stuff, for sure, but performed with enough self-confidence and pizzaz to thrill.” “TULIP ALLEN! DO YOU SEE?”

Coming Next! TREMBLE O WEST as North Korea put the correct pop thought of the great leader to the test against the samba skills of Brazil tomorrow. Then on Thursday Chile play Honduras – battle of the minnows? Or will they be able to spring a surprise?

This match will end at midnight on March 4th – for now, get voting.

NEW ZEALAND: Parallel Dance Ensemble – “Turtle Pizza Cadillac (Yam Who Rework)” The manager says: “Guys we’ve come from down under to march over the top with a fair few funky tricks up our all-black sleeves. I’ve picked a young but shrewd team and we’ll be playing a thrusting modern game, demonstrating how well NZ are adapting to a global game. Spearheading the attack for our first clash is poetic femme fatale Coco Solid up front with “good in the air” Bobbi Soxx. As you can hopefully hear, we’ve come to dance our way through this contest – feel free to join us!”

Length: 4:19 Played: 197

SLOVAKIA: Horkyze Slize – “R’n'B Soul” The manager says: The Slovakia manager did not attend the press conference. (Julio if you want to get a blurb featured email it to me quickly!)

Length: 2:45 Played: 166

Commentary Box Analysis: “It’s a pleasure to see two sides who understand there’s more to the game than all-out attack. New Zealand move the ball up the pitch quickly with a series of slick passing moves; Slovakia are more defensive but will try and break rapidly given the opportunity. The game may turn on whether Slovakia’s rapping playmaker can do the business – a commonplace tactic in European domestic competition but one which rarely succeeds at the highest level.”

RESULT! Australia 1 Germany 1: The Pop World Cup’s biggest crowd yet watched this close-fought game but fans of both teams were said to be disappointed. Germany pressed hard for their equaliser and had the better chances near the end but both sides may see 1 point as a missed opportunity. “Germany put in a solid team performance with a dynamic front man calling the shots and some incisive play from Herren Guitar und Sax.” “The Australia track is a bit ‘peppy excercise video soundtrack’ for my liking and in my opinion the Aussies should spend less time warming up and more time playing.” “Germany’s pulling out one of the creakiest formations in the playbook…ultimately too limited and ineffectual a game against an Australian side that bulldozes them in both energy and imagination” “Blog-house as reimagined by the clientele of a Walkabout pub in Shepherds Bush. Nein danke. But the GER track is just HORRIBLE.”

Coming Up! Assuming I get the tracks in time, we have Ivory Coast v Portugal on Monday and then, on Tuesday, it’s the hotly anticipated game between Brazil and the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. That’s NORTH Korea, to us Western stooges.

A newspaper is a version of the world, and a successful newspaper builds a world that not only reflects the real one, it infects it. In its 80s heyday The Sun was not only the highest circulation daily paper in Britain, it had a cultural weight that went well beyond that: it comforted its readers and haunted its enemies in the way the Mail does now. The Sun’s mix of tub-thumping, scandal, sex, games and coupons might have simply been a variation on a winning tabloid formula that stretched back to the Boer War, but editor Kelvin McKenzie pitched the paper exactly right for its brash, greedy times.

“Let It Be” is The Sun’s number one record, its logo proudly on the label and the sleeve. The disaster which sparked the single – a car ferry capsized due to crew negligence, killing 193 people – might not ordinarily have led to a charity record, but several of the dead were Sun readers, on board the Herald Of Free Enterprise because the paper had run a special offer on ferry tickets, away-day breaks to Europe being a reliable sales booster. So the Sun owned the event from start to finish, acting as chief mourner. After the disaster it hit on Stock Aitken and Waterman to produce the record and started working its, and their pop contacts book. Within a week this is what they’d come up with.

“Let It Be” itself is – like “Everybody Hurts” – one of those songs which was doomed to be a charity record sooner or later. I’ve never really enjoyed it – for all its obvious sincerity it feels too generalised and woolly for me to find it a source of comfort, and without that sentimental connection the hymnal pace is a chore. But simplicity and honesty have always suited McCartney well and it’s certainly not a song I’d sneer at. Also, its very solidity makes it – on paper – a good frame for a record that’s going to use a lot of voices.

Even so the Ferry Aid “Let It Be” is a discombobulating listen. For a start, in commercial and stylistic terms the talent is more than usually mismatched. But charity records always have their lesser contributors, and things like Paul King’s inability to sing the word “be” are all part of the experience. A bigger problem is that the music won’t get out of the way – the kind of stateliness “Let It Be” needs is completely alien to SAW, who garnish the record with bibbling keyboards, horrid synth tones, a chuntering mid-paced beat, and that’s even before you get to the Knopfler and Gary Moore guitar solos: the ’something for everyone’ ethos of the charity record line up taken to an extreme. The uncomfortable thought that comes to mind hearing SAW’s backing, though, is that this is pretty much the type of thing those ill-fated passengers would have heard had the ferry sailed and they’d wandered into the cocktail lounge to hear the on-board entertainment.

At least until the ending, anyway. Kate Bush does her line, in the deep register she’d just used on “Don’t Give Up”, and it’s a revelation: her warm, sad, cocooning voice suits the song and the occasion absolutely. There are a few seconds near-silence after that, as if everybody else is suddenly thinking “Oh shit, this could actually have been good.” And then the moment passes and it’s time for the mass chant, and for the single to finish on a note of laughter, high-fiving and applause. Because that’s what charity records and newspaper campaigns are all about: happy endings. It’s The Sun wot Number One it.

Vote in the poll below the cut – you have until midnight on the 3rd March to pick your favourite.

ITALY: MORDER MACHINE ft ATRAX MORGUE – “I’m So” The manager says – “Some very introspective and morbid play from Italy. Is this off-colour sound the result of some dodgy prawns at the pre-match team dinner? Or are they hoping that their slow but relentless game will break the opposition? The team manager is possibly over-vehement in her denial of the tabloid rumours surrounding the mental stability of her team.”

Length: 5:56 Played: 193

PARAGUAY: SEFIROTH – “From Darkness To Light” The manager says – “Nothing says winning the pop world cup like a ridiculous metal track you might expect Finland to enter into Eurovision, but from a land which is famous musically mainly for its use of harps at least Sefrioth are a little different. Prepare yourself for some air guitar fun in the middle and get ready to RAWWWWWK!”

Length: 4:04 Played: 171

Commentary Box Analysis: “It’s fair to say this Italian line-up won’t be doing the team’s reputation for negativity any harm – they’re looking to intimidate their opponents and playing the ball is very much a secondary consideration. Paraguay are a pretty physical bunch themselves but there’s a lot more movement and positivity to their play, even considering their unfashionable tactics.”

RESULT! Ghana 3 Serbia 0: Horror show for Serbia as they crashed to a heavy defeat despite having their share of possession and several good chances. “Entertaining play from both sides – Serbia’s defensive hoover tactics battling Ghana’s dexterity on the ball.” “Serbia’s flash and bang, though it flashes and bangs admirably, gets in a few crucial early points but then succumbs to general fatigue. Ghana’s in it for the long haul.” “That’s some performance from the Ghanaian sub there towards the end. But it’s no mere fannydangle, it’s a magnificent solo effort, collecting the ball at the half way line then leaving three defenders on their arse, wrong-footing the keeper and putting the ball right into the top corner. I’m a sucker for ridiculous fast and fluent rapping in languages I can’t understand, but for me that’s still the best individual goal of the tournament so far.”

Coming Up! Group F’s other game tomorrow is an intriguing New Zealand – Slovakia match-up, and then Cote d’Ivoire take on Portugal in Group G at the start of next week.

The marvellous italo-house keyboard break in the middle of “Respectable” gives the game away: Stock Aitken and Waterman were Britain’s premier pop Europhiles. Their late-80s heyday is as near as UK pop has come to European Union – a joyful pan-continental pop sound with Mel, Kim, Rick et al. joining Taffy and Sinitta in vibrant, tinny one-ness.

Everything critical you can say about SAW is of course true. Were they formulaic? None more so. Exploitative? Surely. Lowest common denominator? Yes, and lower still. No hitmakers since have been as brazen about making pop into a cheap, kit-built, product, and their hit-rate wasn’t quite high enough to deflect all the distaste for that approach.

But at the same time they were inevitable and necessary. There was an enormous latent pop market that somebody was going to start catering for. The Hit Factory did so, and what’s more they did so in enjoyably confrontational style. There was a populist, rebellious streak in SAW which imagined their customers as girls who would put on the TV, see a Percy Sledge track or a worthy cover version and think, in Smash Hits terms, “Bo-RING!”. On the video for “Respectable” the set is laughably cheap, the careful, tasteful staging of mid-80s videos thrown out of the window in favour of two sisters enjoying themselves. You don’t need the proto-Spice lyrics to hear this song as a blueprint for a thoroughly achievable kind of fun.

Curing an excess of soul with a dose of soullessness seems like harsh medicine, but “Respectable” is the Hit Factory at close to its best: it hadn’t narrowed its formula down yet – there’s a lot of nice Europop touches in the background, and the “Tay-Tay-TAY-Tay” hook is splendid. Mel and Kim themselves have tons more gusto than many of SAW’s favoured vocalists. The song spins its wheels badly during the verses so I never enjoy it quite as much as I think I do – but this is still very much on the potent side of cheap.

You have until midnight on the 1st March to vote in this one.

CAMEROON: K-Tino – “La Queue De Ma Chatte” The manager says: “The first time I heard this song was during a fight I was having.This guy I was fighting had a knife to my throat. I’m certain he would have killed me there and then except that, just as the knife began to pierce my skin, a car drove past playing ‘La Queue de ma Chatte’. This guy dropped the knife and started smiling. I started smiling. We embraced like brothers, slapping each other heartily on the back and laughing raucously. We ran after the car and were able to easily run as fast as it. We ran alongside the car all night with that song playing repeatedly, hundreds of people joined us, all of our heads bigger with joy than all the great drug experiences of everyone in history combined. I was seven years old at the time. This song is the song Christ heard on the cross.”

Length: 5:12 Played: 231

JAPAN: Andymori – “Follow Me” The manager says: “Japan have brought a large squad to this years World Cup with a range of styles ready to play at any time. For this first match I have chosen the young up and coming band Andymori. This hard working band have packed a huge amount of energy into this short youthful indiepop hit. With a catchy chorus, frenetic vocals and a driving rhythm section, who can resist but getting up, dancing and indeed following Andymori.”

Length: 2:32 Played: 228

Commentary Box Analysis: “Delightful, unhurried play from the Camerounians against a Japanese side full of running and perhaps prone to the occasional stray tackle. Should be an intriguing game.”

RESULTS! Algeria 2 Slovenia 1 Defeat for the Slovenians – they played well but ran into an exceptional Algerian side. “The Algerian Pop Association appear to have made a canny decision here in appointing a manager with a deep-seated appreciation for the national game. It shows – this Algerian side are exquisite.” “Slovenia are the fist smallish European nation we have had so far, and this is not far off what I would expect. A solid little pop song with enough of a bonkers chorus to be lovable.” “Slovenia look like Rymans Leaguers at the start, with only that occasional synth flourish indicating there’s any spark to their play. But then they bring on an import from the prog league! The flute solo totally redeems the track.”

Coming Up! Group F brings us Italy v Paraguay, and Slovakia v New Zealand – hopefully in that order!

Each song on Popular is given a mark out of 10. The year end polls are your opportunity to indicate which songs YOU would have given 6 or more to.

My own lowest marks this year were 1s for “Long Haired Lover” and (more controversially) “Vincent”. My highest was a 9 for the Pigeon. Share views on the year as a whole, appropriate lists etc. in the comments box!

Vote away, and this match will run until midnight on the 28th February.

DENMARK:Sukkerchok – “Kaemper For Kaerlighed” The manager says – “In recent years Denmark has become one of the leading countries for supplying art-rock bands, which leaves me with several interesting options for this tournament. However for this opening fixture I have decided to start with an unchanged lineup of unabashed dance-pop; what Scandinavia is known best for. I present to you Sukkerchok. Regardless of what their name looks like it means, the true meaning is “sugar shock,” which is exactly what I expect them to bring to the table in this fixture. Their energy will give them zip in their speed, fizz in their passes and crunch in their tackles; they will completely outdo their opponents in all areas of the pitch. Such is the amount of energy that these young guns are known for that the offers to be the face of Lucozade’s Scandinavian advertising campaign are already rolling in.”

Length: 3:04 Played: 260

HOLLAND: Caro Emerald – “Back It Up” The manager says: “I’ve chosen to give a newcomer a starring role for the first match, but Caro is very well versed in classic tactics (well, jazz tactics) and has some neat tricks up her sleeve. Addictive retro pop with hopefully enough skill to outclass the Danes.”

Length: 3:53 Played: 250

Commentary Box Analysis: “Games between two European sides are always likely to produce some classic Europop tactics – the Danish formation might seem predictable but the fans won’t mind if they can get the 3 points. Holland though are staying away from Route One, playing a fluid, pretty passing game.”

RESULTS! England 0 USA 2: England left the field with their tails between their legs after a woeful performance. USA could have scored a hatful as their opposition crumbled, though a still more emphatic scoreline would have flattered this youthful but sloppy side. “With this level of commitment, neither side really deserves to go through to the next round.” “The English wear their passion like weights on their legs” “Something fresher is needed to combat the USA’s dazzling high-octane skills.” “That noise you hear after both tracks is the sound of millions of pounds of sponsorship money pissing up a wall.”

Coming Up! Cameroon play Japan tomorrow in Group E’s other game, then on Thursday it’s Italy v Paraguay in Group F.

Anyone can vote – a team needs 58% or more to win – and the match will end at midnight on the 25th.

AUSTRALIA: Sneaky Sound System – “Pictures” The manager says: “This is a deliriously addictive dance song with a big hook, catchy chorus, feel-good lyrics and an easy-to-dance-to beat – really, it’s everything great disco should strive for and it should get people dancing all over the world. A fixture in Sydney’s tabloids before they ever released an album and known for their party antics, Sneaky Sound System has always been committed to a good time, but the talent exhibited in their music (especially here in “Pictures”) reveal an act that is naturally gifted and their boatload of ARIA awards and nominations confirm that these overacheivers might throw the biggest party in Australia, but everyone else is invited too.”

Length: 3:18 Played: 242

GERMANY: Heinz – “Questions I Can’t Answer” The manager says: “While Germany has a solid record when it comes to *rock* and electronic music, its *pop* credentials are far less obvious, stretching little further than Nena and Kraftwerk. However, Heinz Henry Georg Schwartze, or Heinz as he was known, was an exception, his short run of great singles produced by Joe Meek *just* qualifying. Questions I Can’t Answer, taking a standard I-IV-V formation and doing something a little different with it, is his finest moment…”

Length: 2:22 Played: 242

Commentary Box Analysis: “The Australians have put out a direct, physical side – and indeed so have the Germans. Not the first time we’ve seen tactics harking back to the 60s at this tournament – it worked for Uruguay, will Germany enjoy the same luck?”

Results: Argentina 2 Nigeria 2 Honours even in a compelling, dramatic game which neither side deserved to lose. “Very light on their feet these Argies and playing a minimal precise game. Not an approach from them I’ve seen before so intrigued with how they will develop. Nigeria have perhaps been more predictable but if it ain’t broke why fix it” “The Argentines lull you and suddenly catch you off balance. The Nigerians in contrast run back and forth in front of what the naive might call “the Cyndi Lauper” gambit.” “The Nigerian entry is pretty much all chorus.”

Coming Up! Next week we have Group E – Holland v Denmark on Monday and then Cameroon take on Japan on Tuesday.

Also, a quick clarification on the SCORING RULES since I haven’t mentioned them since the first match. To get a win and 3 points, you need to get 58% or more of the vote. 43-57 gets you a draw and 1 point. 42 or less is a defeat. Final group positions are decided based on the points, then on cumulative percentage over the 3 games, then on votes. Phew! Anyone can vote, and this match ends at midnight on the 24th February.

GHANA: Ayigbe Edem ft Sarkodie – “Give It Up” The manager says: “Some in Accra have questioned Ben Graham’s managerial ability, and his selection of two inexperienced young players for the tough opening encounter with Serbia is sure to raise even more eyebrows. The two frontrunners for ‘Discovery of the Year’ at the 2010 Ghana Music Awards, Ayigbe Edem and Sarkodie team up here, as the manager unveils an attacking formation, hoping to catch the Serbians by surprise.”

Length: 4:50 Played: 257

SERBIA: JK – “Insomnia” The manager says – “This is Insomnia by JK [Jelena Karleusa]. It’s the title track from the Serbian pop veteran’s forthcoming 11th album.”

Length: 4:06 Played: 218

Commentary Box Analysis: “A very positive start from both teams – they clearly see this as an opportunity for three points in a tough group. These Ghanaians are a technical side, playing a skilful possession game though I wonder if some of their younger players might be prone to a little showboating. The Serbs are more direct and more physical – as is often the way with the smaller European sides their final ball might let them down. Whatever the result, an exciting clash.”

Results: GREECE 1 SOUTH KOREA 1 – Korean players angrily surrounded the referee after Greece’s injury-time equaliser denied them all three points. “This is a tough one – two tracks with something excellent (Speed-bouzouki and inventive cut-up electro-hip-hop bits) and something not so good (boring europop vocals and autotune)” “that electric bouzouki or whatever it is has really got under my skin.” “South Korea for the win from where I sit; in energy as well as pure style they’ve left Greece panting and clutching their knees all over the field.”

Coming Up! Tomorrow Germany take on Australia, and join us on Monday as Holland open their campaign against Denmark.

Sometimes Britain hounds and ogles its flawed celebrities, sometimes it wills their redemption, often a little of both. Boy George’s turn of fortune from Britain’s top pop export to Britain’s most famous junkie was sudden enough and sad enough to put him into the group of ‘troubled’ stars who still enjoyed some level of public warmth, enough at least to send a bad solo record to the top of the charts. “Everything I Own” is the number one as sympathy vote, spun at the time as a happy ending for George.

But even if you’d left Britain in 1983, spent a few years as a hermit in the desert and returned without the faintest notion that George O’Dowd had ever been near Class A drugs, one play of this would tell you that something had gone badly wrong. George’s voice was never exactly powerful but it had a lithe presence that often carried Culture Club’s music and when it needed to stretch – on the opening of “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me”, for instance – it could. On “Everything I Own” it’s strained and hollow, trailing away particularly at the end of lines, ragged on the high notes, hiding in the (utterly uninspired) arrangement.

To George’s credit he didn’t walk this mawkish path to recovery for long: he found new direction in the club scene, made records where he sounded genuinely enthused again, rediscovered himself as a DJ and even managed to give his pop incarnation a proper send-off with “The Crying Game”. But this is the last we see of him, a spectral presence on his own comeback record.

If the Levi’s Jeans advertisers counted as a single artist they would have six Number Ones – more than Bowie or Britney, as many as Queen, Rod or Slade. Their biggest successes came as tastemakers picking new music hits in the mid-90s, but prior to that they’d helped push the late 80s soul revival out into the casual singles market, and Ben E King was the biggest beneficiary. In the US the Rob Reiner movie was the main driver of “Stand By Me”’s revival, but in Britain the jeans ad was the deal-maker.

Music of the 50s and 60s appealed to advertisers looking to hit notes of authenticity, integrity, and timelessness – valuable coin in an era of self-conscious new wealth. But the conmercials erased the music’s historical context and development: for someone like me, only beginning to discover old music, they made soul seem hollow and predictable, pre-chewed by the admen. It was another decade before I really dug into soul music, and before I understood anything about its timelines and tensions and where these old songs fitted in.

Not that “Stand By Me” itself really needs a lot of context. The song is resolutely self-contained, a sealed bubble of togetherness, one built to withstand the end of everything if it has to. The unfussy strings, the zizz of the guiro, and King’s rich but measured voice come together as a monument to steadiness and trust, just as the song intends. And the swells of orchestration and the occasional breaks in King’s delivery are all that hint at the effort and strength that kind of steadiness requires.