FT Ask the Family - Part 3

Dick: OK! So yesterday we showed you one of those close-up picture questions from the old, boring Ask the Family. Do we reckon anyone got it right, Dom?

Dom: Well let’s take a look! … read on …

FT Ask the Family - Part 2

So! Yesterday we left you with a poser in the form of one of our magnified pictures. Marianna was first to buzz in with the suggestion that we were looking at a pork scratching, so let’s see if she was right. … read on …

FT Ask the Family - Part 1

Aah, and as the strains of Acka Raga fade, we begin this week with our picture round. What our families are about to see is an everyday object viewed extremely close-up. Their job is simply to tell us what on Earth it can possibly be! … read on …

Easter Food Science

Are Creme Eggs a man-made substitute for Nature’s eggs? Evidently not but I’m impressed that the dude’s commitment to using chocolate eggses as real eggses extends as far as throwing away the shells.

Lose Pounds Eating Steak & Foie Gras

Ha ha ha, the BBC. Not quite sure where Mr. Venters got the idea that a sandwich with about 3 layers of fat is ‘healthy’. Also, it’s spelled ROCKET.

A Morning After

A friend of mine once opined that there is no such thing as an average black pudding. True enough, once the blood and guts are poached, it’s a sublime and magnificent sausage that would take an act of rank foolishness or carelessness like overcooking to ruin but thoroughly ruined it will be.

We were sat in Lou Lou’s, a pleasant continental-style café on one of Portsmouth’s posher thoroughfares with somewhat optimistic outdoor seating, art for sale on the walls and a Waitrose opposite. It was a Sunday morning following a birthday bash and our group required some hardcore lard. While full Englishes and massive omelettes were ordered, I scanned the menu and my eyes settled on the magic words. Easiest decision ever.

My friend chose this point to explain his Grand Unified Theory of Black Pudding, possibly to insert a little drama into our breakfast. After all, we’d never been here before. Would they get it right and remember that the key word is ‘pudding’ or would I just be presented with a miserable blackened lump of coking lard? An entire Sunday was at stake here. However, within a few minutes, our hungover eyes lit up at the arrival of a vast platter piled high with toast. Fears of a charred sausage subsided cos this was a place that clearly knew what it was doing.

Breakfasts duly arrived. In middle of the plate amid the bacon, egg, mushrooms and tomatoes was a lovely generous slice of pud from a really thick sausage. Perfectly soft as I sliced a chunk away, it proved deliciously meaty, sweet and velvety. Hangovers faded and Sunday was saved. The omelettes were gorgeous too but that’s a whole other theory.

Missed Marketing Opportunities - #2

Missed Marketing Opportunities - #1 in a series that probably won’t last

‘Pret Burns’

Indie Chicken Watchdog

A dinner-free trip to the pub, last week, inevitably led to a trip to the nearest tasty poultry shop. Feeling boozy and ravenous, Marianna and I ordered the value meal of chixor, spicy wings, chips and drink. While fryers fried and boxes were stacked, we made the mistake of chatting and, crucially, NOT PAYING ATTENTION to the action behind the counter. Before we knew it, the bags of filth were handed over and we merrily bimbled home. Once collapsed on the couch I opened the box and a thought suddenly occurred to me:

WHERE’RE MY BLOODY CHIPS?

A text from Miss M. contained the same tale of woe and absent carbs. Moral: always check your purchase, especially during the busy holiday season. I’ll consider this a one-off oversight for now, Archway Perfect Chicken, but you have been WARNED.

FOOD SCIENCE HALLOWEEN SUPPLEMENT: An Actual Post About PUMPKINS

Aim: Combining the aesthetic joys of Flying Fruit and the no-nonsense tuffness/springiness test of the Experiment We Did Not Do, we decided to find out what happens when you throw a pumpkin from a second floor balcony onto tarmac.

Apparatus: Some booze, a pumpkin, a second floor balcony, a car park.

Method: Under the influence of the booze, the pumpkin was heaved far enough away from the balcony to avoid any inconvenient cars below. A team of observers were on hand to note the results.

Results: All observers agreed the results were hugely disappointing. Rather than a satisfying splatter across the tarmac, the fruit bounced once and rolled to a halt, only losing a small section from the impacts.

Conclusion: Pumpkins are the BabyBels of the fruit world, in that they fail to fufil expectations when misused. It’s possible that our squash was a freakishly tuff example but further experiments could not be performed cos we decided to watch Ghostbusters instead.