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Jan 18

The Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll 2017: #10-#1

FT22 comments • 614 views

baloonWotcher me old muckers. I’m Nena’s 100th Red Balloon, the one edited out of the final version of the song because I ‘wouldn’t scan proper’. We only come in packs of 100 you know. Whatcha got against a nice round number eh Nena? Can’t complain though, I’ve kept myself busy over the years. After a bobbing about in Paris for a bit I had to make a sharpish exit, but thankfully I landed a good stint as the stunt double balloon in some circus movie – blimey, that weren’t half a scary business! Later on I did a bit of modelling for some rando graffiti artist in East London, that kept me in high grade helium for a good few years I tell you. All the kids love their balloons these days, why, just yesterday I saw a bunch of teenagers with one each, laughing away like they were having a whale of a time. I love a happy atmosphere! Anyway, enough of me gassing on, let’s get on with the poll!

Thanks, Nena’s 100th Red Balloon! Here’s our final batch of results:

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18
Jan 18

The Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll 2017: #20-#11

FT8 comments • 472 views

Heart_of_the_Ocean“Hi there, I’m the Heart of the Ocean, a fictional diamond necklace made famous by Britney asking whether I’d been chucked in the Atlantic Ocean or not when actually I was on MARS. My higher than average refractive index means I have an angle on everything! I’ve often wondered whether Britney has actually seen Titanic all the way through, or if like me, she dozed off in the middle and forgot that (SPOILER ALERT) the old lady was actually Rose all along!!! I don’t know why Billy Zane bothered giving me to Britters anyway, I ended up living in an ophidiarium for 80 years with that anaemic snake. But enough about Matt Damon and that Martian igloo (o-ho), my heart must go on – with the poll results!”

Thanks very much, The Heart Of The Ocean if that is indeed your real name and you are not one of the 3 replicas made for the duration of filming. Here’s the next batch:

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10
Jan 18

The Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll 2017: #30-#21

FT11 comments • 505 views

heroHullo! I’m Hero, the naughty hedgehog mascot of the 2017 World Athletics Championships. You thought I was mute, didn’t you, just because I was holding up all those Bangface-style signs? In fact I was merely SILENCED by the authorities. Unable to accept my wacky brand of slapstick humour and terrified that I would reveal the TRUTH about the Olympic stadium, they turned off the microphone I stole from Iwan Thomas just as I was getting to the juicy bits. The scandal came out eventually so now I’m free to say whatever I like! The MAN will feel the sharp end of my barbs now! I’ll make them wish they never used the Benny Hill music over all my highlight reels!

Thanks Hero. Maybe there’s a good alternative theme for you in this batch?

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6
Jan 18

The Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll 2017: #40-#31

FT18 comments • 513 views

demonheadmasterHello children. I’m the Demon Headmaster, beloved patriarchal figure of note who wants nothing more than to educate keen students in the most efficient, hypnotic manner possible. If getting results requires a subtle Orwellian undercurrent to my methods then so be it. Anyway, I’ve been asked by the board of governors to step in and overhaul this site. December may have seen the highest monthly posting rate since June 2010, but you slackers running this place are capable of so much more! With some… gentle persuasion… I will increase this blog’s SEO metrics and fulfil my ultimate goal of taking over the worl–… I mean… pivoting to video! Mwahahahaha!

Thanks, Demon Headmaster! Freaky Trigger is a marvellous site and this is the best poll I’ve ever been to. Let’s get cracking:

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20
Dec 17

TFTACOXS – December 19th: Brie & Cranberry Wars part Deux

WOBS SANGER ADVENT CALENDAR2 comments • 98 views

Previously on Brie & Cranberry Wars…we saw our intrepid reporter tackling sauce with curious geometrical properties, incisoring through predictably chewy bread and carefully measuring the thickness of sliced cheese leading an ultimate stalemate…

As with all cliffhanger resolutions, first we must switch scenes to somewhere completely different.

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15
Dec 17

TFTACOXS – December 15th: Brie & Cranberry Wars

WOBS SANGER ADVENT CALENDARPost a comment • 65 views

IN THIS BLEAK MIDWINTER frosty wind may well moan, but it has been drowned out by the chorus of complaint surrounding the high levels of cranberry in this year’s festive sanger selections. As we saw on door 13, the dread red has infiltrated even the humble falafel wrap in the name of Christmas theming. Is the EU trying to deplete its cranberry mountain prior to Br3x1t? Is a shady city dealer trying to rig cranberry futures on the fruit exchange? Are we living in a poorly edited Doctor Who Xmas Special wherein those who consume the pervasive substance are subject to mind control by forces sinister?

As a devoted correspondent I chose to answer these questions by seeking out the cranberry directly – not once, but TWICE. By choosing a sanger with cranberry at its core design rather than shoehorned in, perhaps the result would be better? To maximise my chances of success, I opted for the canonical pairing of BRIE and ventured out to my two most loyal food haunts (i.e. the two closest shops to the office): Pret and Sainsburys.

PRET brie & cranberry baguette with toasted pistachios and wild rocket: Filling and stodgy, with plenty of nutty base notes from the pistachio. The cranberry was not overwhelming, but lacked flair. It could have easily been replaced by something superior, e.g. a sweet garlic chutney. The baguette itself was standard Pret business: soft enough not to break your dentures but substantial enough to provide structural integrity.

SAINS brie & cranberry ‘good to go’ sandwich: A simple effort with plain white no-nonsense bread. Some decent wodges of brie here, nice thick slices which feel like good value for money with every bite. The cranberry sauce was a bit runnier than usual, more like a jelly than a jam but with a weird non-Newtonian consistency. If the alien infiltration theory had any merit this would be Exhibit A (“but Doctor, the sauce is dripping upwards…”).

It’s hard to pick a winner – both feel like solid 6/10s. Sains had more cheese, Pret had the bonus nut element. Perhaps I should find a tie-breaker elsewhere? Or is this the addictive power of pure cranberry pulling me into its sticky grasp? Why are those men in the car outside wearing black sunglasses in December? Why is this sparkly light coming out of my fingertips? To be continued…

8
Dec 17

THE FREAKY TRIGGER ADVENT CALENDAR OF XMAS SANDWICHES – December 8: Waka Nikkei Navidad Sushi Set

FT + WOBS SANGER ADVENT CALENDARPost a comment • 110 views

Recently I’ve been trying to reduce the amount of meat I consume. The aim is to reduce my carbon footprint and think harder about the provenance of the meat I do eat (in practice this is stuff lovingly cooked by trusted chums), which ideally would be from a sustainable source that treats its workers and the environment well. It might be a drop in the ocean but I’m trying to use what little consumer power I have to encourage restaurants and sandwich shops to provide a decent range of vegetarian options. As a result, for the last few months I’ve only bought/ordered vegetarian things when out and about.

That grand plan all went t!ts up yesterday lunchtime when I ventured to Japanese-Peruvian chain Waka, on the promise of some Christmas Sushi. Sorry, planet!

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3
Dec 17

The Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll 2017

FT27 comments • 693 views

barryscottHi, I’m Barry Scott! Despite my reappearance in the nation’s ad breaks this year, the amount of grime in general circulation has actually *increased* somehow! I blame the millennials and their over-reliance on antibiotics made from avocados. Anyway, I’m here to announce that voting for the 2017 Readers’ Poll is now open!

Thanks Barry. Rules are (almost) the same as last year:

– Choose up to 20 of your favourite tracks of 2017. I am extremely unlikely to check release dates, but if one of your choices appeared in last year’s poll, I’ll get in touch and ask you to choose another track.
– If you don’t have 20 tracks then 10 or 3 or even 1 is fine.
– If you like, put them in order (#1 will get more points than #20), otherwise I’ll assign them a random order (via the Mersenne Twister algorithm, none of yer linear congruential shite here).
– Email them to poptimistspoll2010@gmail.com by 23.59pm GMT on 31st December.

This year there is also optional new bonus orgafun: tell us ONE (1) 2017 album you enjoyed. These won’t be ranked, I’ll just post the list of everyone’s choices at the end.

That’s it. Pull on your marigolds and get scrubbing voting!

(Feel free to influence the voting by sharing your 2017 playlists/recommendations in the comments – as ever, this poll is about finding new stuff as much as determining which of it is best in a highly subjective fashion.)

26
Jun 17

Halfway House 2017

FT8 comments • 588 views

Wiley shot for the NME MagazineWe’re almost halfway through 2017 and the world hasn’t blown up yet! Well done us. Let’s make the most of our remaining time and have a nice chat about music: this year my personal favourites seem to be mostly house/techno rather than pop – the exact opposite to last year. This is despite (because of?) the fact that I’ve listened to quite a lot of pop this year, thanks to being seated much nearer the office radio for the last 6 months – Ed Sheeran-ocalypse and all. Grime has thankfully taken up the slack a bit and provided us with several out-and-out bangers.

Anyway, here are some selected tunes of 2017 that I have enjoyed:

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27
Jan 17

The Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll 2016: #10-#1

FT11 comments • 708 views

Adamski-Seal“Call me Ron. I’m a straightforward sort of pup, me – what you see is what you get. But when I’m not out clubbing with my six older brothers, I do get to wondering what it’s all about. You know. Life. Death. Sardines. It’s all just a game of chess at the end of the day, isn’t it? Good versus evil, light versus dark, rockism versus poptimism – society would have us carve ourselves up into ever-smaller and ultimately-arbitrary factions, each believing we are on the side of righteousness, solitary brothers and sisters fighting pointlessly amongst ourselves to avoid having to think too hard about the impending apocalypse. I guess many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view!”

Thanks Ron, if indeed that is your real name. On to our Top 10!

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