Welcome back to part 2! See here for part 1.
5.58pm. A quick beverage pH check before the next round of experiments: the acidity of prosecco is 3, Badger’s Fursty Ferret is 4, a substance known as ‘Sainsbury’s Craft Brewed Lager’ is also 4.
Over the Bank Holiday weekend your band of trusty FT regulars held (by our reckoning) the SIXTH Freaky Trigger Food Science Day, a combination of careful experiments and shockingly bad puns, dedicated to our friend and FT poster Liz Daplyn.
2pm. Scientists begin to arrive at Laboratoire Crouch Hill, carrying with them various alcoholic liquids, pastry ingredients, gothic substances and a metric fvcktonne of cheese (or at least a close approximation of cheese). Time for the first experiment!
Club Action returns THIS SATURDAY!
Join DJ Chlorine & The Barnet Ape for a celebration of the best of German technobosh, Italo-disco, Russian girlpop, Swiss post-punk, Irish jigs, Serbian turbo-folk, Spanish holiday hits, Scandinavian hair metal, French house and of course UK Garage (and everything else that could possibly score douze points).
Special guest DJ duties fall to DJ MAXIMATOR who owns at least 7 different versions of Ça Plane Pour Moi and may well play them all at once.
WHEN: This Saturday! 4th May 2013, 8pm-1am
WHERE: New venue! Downstairs at The Hideaway Bar, 114 Junction Road, Archway (nearest tubes Archway/Tufnell Park, 390 & 134 buses both run all night)
WHO: 2 Unlimited, ABBA, Ace of Base, A-Ha, Alcazar, Alizée, Annie, Boney M, Björk, Black Box, Bucks Fizz, Cascada, Daft Punk, Europe, Falco, Giorgio Moroder, Girls Aloud, Infernal, Justice, Kraftwerk, Katy B, Lindstrøm, Lordi, Lulu, Margaret Berger, O-Zone, Plastic Bertrand, Praga Khan, Propaganda, Roxette, Röyksopp, Ruslana, Scooter, So Solid Crew, Stardust, tAtU, Teddybears STHLM, Todd Terje, Tomcraft and of course Yello.
PLUS: Early arrivals can expect a small amount of ORGAFUN (er, mp3s permitting…)
Ryan Lochte is never one to shy away from a good publicity stunt. He may have 11 Olympic swimming medals of various colours, but as you can see below his main talent is for getting people to look at him (this shot was taken for ESPN magazine).
HOWEVER I feel that Ryan has missed a key detail of this well-known tableau! I’m sure this will be rectified by the magazine’s photoshop department later…
Boo-hoo! Sob! Hallo Readers, I’m Harry Styles, one of the One Directions, the X-Factor boyband sensations who are worse than both Rebecca Ferguson and Matt Cardle, as proven by phone-vote-science. And yes, I am weeping my heart out because my one true love (with a record to promote) has just broken up with me (in the middle of promoting a world tour). Yes, I loved Taylor Lautner and her kooky smiles SO MUCH that I even took her to the Beatrix Potter World Of Adventures, where we went on Mrs Tiggywinkle’s Teacup Ride, and I threw up in her hair. Swift! Sorry — I meant Taylor Swift. We did see Twilight Breaking Up, I mean Dawn, together though. However it is now ALL OVER and I am a sad global heartthrob indeed. Who will probably have a song written about me called “He Was A Selfish English Twot” or something. Feat Nicki Minaj.
Anyway when I get depressed and need cheering up, there is nothing better than looking at year end best of lists which are bound to feature me and my band! When reflecting in such glory I like to think of all the people who took the effort to vote, you may not know it, but you’re beautiful. Seriously, I don’t think you’re ugly even if everyone else says you are. So, here are the top ten FreakyTrigger tracks as voted by you! What do you mean we’re not in it? And Taylor Swift is? You’ll be telling me next that a track featuring people hitting dustbins made the top five…”
Thanks Harry, if that is indeed your real name. I am sad to say that you and your fellow One Directions only garnered one vote this year. But without further ado and without any more spoilers from Master Styles, here is the FT Top 10 of 2012…
“Hi, I’m Sexy Thorin Oakenshield, and I like nothing more than a good sing-song, especially if it’s about gold. Sitting down, standing up — as long as transition metals are involved I’m not fussed. However I must say I was slightly disappointed in the ABBA Gold album, in that gold was only mentioned briefly at the end of ‘Thank You For The Music’. ABBA have a lot to learn from Spandau Ballet in that respect.”
Thanks Thorin. Let’s see if there are any ‘nuggets’ in part three of our countdown!
“Good morrow! I’m Henry VIII, who you might recognise from such bangers as ‘Pasttime With Good Company’ and a goth-metal remix of ‘Greensleeves’ that appeared on Now That’s What I Call Antidisestablishmentarianism vol. 6!. However unlike young Mr Skrillex the only EDM I’m interested is Edward de Mortimer, who led a rebellion against my great-great-uncle-once-removed in 1403. It’s a good thing Wikipedia won’t be invented for another half a millennium so you can’t fact check that!”
Indeed, Henry! But one thing you can check out without reference to online encylopedias is the next part of our top 40 countdown!
“Greetings, my name’s Skrillex! You might recognise me from the Young Person’s Music, where my asymmetric hairdo and NHS Specs are getting plenty of ‘wub’! Anyway, the charming lot behind Freaky Trigger have asked me to introduce the first part of this year’s Readers’ Poll – these tracks have certainly made a splash with you all, or a ‘drop’, as we call it here in Dubstep Land. Do check them out!”
Thanks Skrillex. I was going to have a Top 40 list but there were two tracks with equal scores at #40 so technically we have 41. Onwards!
“Hi! I’m global megastar Rihanna. While I’m not achieving world domination I like to flick through old copies of Melody Maker and think about how I lucky I am not to have to compete with the likes of the Milltown Brothers and Haysi Fantayzee in the year-end polls of old. Of course, these days the only poll that truly matters is the Freaky Trigger Readers’ Poll, so I’m delighted to be giving you this year’s voting details!
Just email your top 20 tracks of 2012 to firstname.lastname@example.org by 23.59 31st December 2012. Simple!
- You can vote for fewer than 20 tracks
- 2012 remixes of 2011 songs etc are fine
- Your #1 track will be allocated more points than your #20 track so put them in order if that is important to you.
It’s been 60 years since Al Martino was the UK’s first #1 record*!
To celebrate this sensational sexagenary, DJ Chlorine and The Barnet Ape will be playing only #1s all night** – all the boshingest chart-toppers from Aqua to Zager & Evans.
Assisting them in this noble endeavour will be our very own Popular maestro Tom Ewing and Popular superfan Bob Stanley.
WHERE: Downstairs @ Ryan’s Bar, 181 Stoke Newington Church St
WHEN: Friday 30th November 2012, 8pm-1am
FREE ENTRY also we know where the air conditioning button is now
So come along, to (probably) the only club night where you will hear both Coolio AND Doris Day!
*YES YES WE KNOW
***EXCEPT THAT ONE