I don’t think this is quite what Tom was after but it is of niche interest. This site has three criteria for recommending pubs and they all seem quite well thought through. It lists pubs
1) where the wines and beer are well kept
2) where you can eat well
3) where your well-behaved dog is welcome to be with you while you eat.
Not being the owner of a dog (or even a pub wolf), this is of limited value to me. Any dog-owning readers out there?
Absolutely right. If you want to stand up, stand up. If you want to sit down (or if you have to sit down, like Emma), then sit down. If there’s nowhere to sit but you feel you must get a seat, then go somewhere else. If you think all the pubs are going to be full (i.e. it’s 6pm on a Friday) and you’re not going to get a table, then either
> get over it and stand up; or
> DON’T GO TO THE PUB!
There – I hope that’s sorted out now.
Stand, sit, stand I agree with Tom but I feel I should highlight the risks associated with beer-arm fatigue, as these are often underestimated. The particular danger arises when you are stuck without anywhere safe to put your pint. This often leads to attempts to secure your pint somewhere unsafe (top of jukebox, thin window ledge etc). Disaster awaits.
The other option of just hanging onto your drink all night is possibly worse, as it always results in fast drinking. Chat, sip, chat, sip, sip, chat, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip… next pint! If you’ve got no table or bar space, it is not possible to count how many you’ve had by looking at your empties.
A huge faux pas is to stand next to someone else’s table, then rest your pint in their space. Grrr! If this happens to you when you’re sat down, you are well within your rights to knock their pint “accidently” off the table. Or at least say to the glass-collecting staff ; “no, this drink doesn’t belong to anyone, go ahead and take it away”.
Further to Pete’s LJR story below, I think he made an initial error. The Pub Table Grab is a manoeuvre that should never be attempted. I can’t think of anything which makes me feel less comfortable in a pub than looking around hawkishly for a better place to sit or stand. Ooh, are they moving? Look, they’ve only got a sip left in their beer! Quick, quick… God, even thinking about it puts me on edge.
If you are in a pub and there’s nowhere to sit down, either resign yourself to standing up or go somewhere else. It’s that simple.
So does the research on pub violence below give the explanation why Mr Q’s pubs have such a reputation for being rough? I don’t feel too well qualified to judge, as I have never been into a Mr Q’s (although I have walked past a few).
Snap shots I had a very pleasant, unchallenging pint at lunchtime in the Edinburgh Tavern off Fleet Street. It’s a nice pub. The food looked pretty good, pie and mash on a Friday, though I restricted myself to liquids. For what it’s worth, the exterior was remarkably well-kempt, the window-boxes positively blooming – very enticing.
However, there was one feature inside the pub that I would take issue with. On the wall, there were a couple of clipframes containing photos of off-their-faces punters. Sorry, but I’m not entirely sure what they were trying to achive with this. Are they trying to suggest that you should have a “Gary Player”, i.e. stay in the pub and drink long enough for your eyes to glaze over, mouth to start drooling and generally begin looking like a Prize Arse? The snaps of besuited lawyers at chucking-out (-up?) time were particularly dispiriting. It was almost as bad as having offensive holiday postcards from regulars behind the bar – just almost.
The kind of person who goes to the pub for a game of giant Jenga is called “a student”.
Number of articles matching “Giant Jenga students” on Google = 69.
Number of articles matching “Giant Jenga taxpayers” on Google = 0.
I rest my case.
Behind the 8-ball This research is fascinating but it isn’t the only report that SIRC have published on pub life. The seminal work Conflict and Violence in Pubs has some interesting comments on how to design pubs to avoid trouble between the customers.
A key finding was that 20% of all violent incidents related to confrontations around pool tables. Three reasons are given for this:
- pool is played by 18-25 year olds, the group most likely to be involved in a fracas
- pool tables provide a ongoing source of arguments (turn-taking, cheating etc)
- the tables also provide a source of weapons (balls, cues, erm chalk) which could lead to an escalation of events.
Apparently, conflict is also more likely in pubs where the decor is predominantly red or reddish (although the authors think the importance of this factor has been exagerrated in the past).
Right, I’m just off to The Red Cow for a pint, a game of pool and a RUMBLE.
More charmless pubs ahoy! Wetherspoon’s financial reports are in and it’s good news (for them). It seems that even more old shops are going to be Wetherspoonised over the next few years. Not really a cause for jubilation.
I wasn’t aware that Wetherspoons had a range of branded bars called “Lloyd’s No 1″ but I’ll be on the lookout for them now. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say.
Just leave me alone! Pubs are for drinking in – that seems pretty obvious. For me, it’s no particular problem if people want to have too much to drink in a pub. Indeed, it’s not quite the same if there is no row of drunken sods propping up the bar. But I feel there some etiquette to these things.
- by all means, sit silently in the corner with two dozen empty pint glasses on the table in front of you. Feel free to glare around menacingly.
- by all means, start shouting and start banging the table (goodness knows, I’ve done it enough times myself).
Just don’t come over and try to engage me in conversation!
I’m not an unamiable person. I pride myself on being easy-going. But there is a time and a place for making new friends and it is not when you are drunk and your selected t’te-’-t’te target is trying to have their own conversation (or a pub quiz). Twice in a couple of weeks some really dodgy geezers have tried to make my acquaintance before closing time. Do I look like I want to hear their ramblings? Do I? DO I?
Some examples of the kind of drivel I’ve had to put up with of late.
“I’ve got a hundred and fifty thousand pounds in the bank. I bloody well have!”
“Dutch waterways, yeah you know, like KLM!”
If they want to be addled and sociable, they should get themselves to the nearest Wetherspoons where that sort of behaviour is tolerated/condoned+encouraged.