3
Oct 03

I have never liked

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 359 views

I have never liked Turkish Delight. It tastes like jellified bubble bath (no I have never eaten jellified bubble bath, I am using my imagination). I have tried, honest I have – I’ve had the Fry’s stuff and the stuff covered in talc (spot the bathroom theme in Turkish sweetmeats) from realactual Turkey brought back by holidaying colleagues. But still it is vile. So when someone presents me with a perfectly good bar of Cadbury chocolate which has been tainted by TD, surely it’s acceptable and right to nibble the chocolate around the gooey middle and discard it (in a tidy and ladylike fashion?). No? Well I think it is.

24
Sep 03

SOAP BUBBLES. Why?

Do You SeePost a comment • 439 views

SOAP BUBBLES. Why? Why they make them is obvious – a chance to see your ‘favourite’ characters up to their antics out of context. So we get Bianca Butcher nee Jackson getting Rickay entangled with drug lords in Manchester. The Hollyoaks gang getting down and dirty late at night. Frank Butcher being a loveable rogue in Fictitious West Country Seaside Resort. What I want to know is why are they so bloody awful? Sunday night’s Perfectly Frank was extra bloody awful. It was classic (i.e. formulaic) Sunday night 8pm fodder, in the style of such greats as Heartbeat or Where the Heart Is. In fact Frank was pretty much playing Greengrass from Heartbeat ‘ gets involved in a hilarious scrape through a series of hilarious misunderstandings but somehow manages to come out on top and live to get involved in yet another hilarious scrape etc etc zzzzz. Given the fact that Frank had previously faked his own death in Spain it’s hardly surprising that he’s plagued with assorted troubles, as he was still using his real name. There’s ignoring continuity and then there’s just being silly. And this was silly. Frank’s false teeth were silly. The selection of daft yokels were silly. Blowing up a drug shipment with a celebratory cannonball was silly. Most of all I was silly for wasting an hour of my life watching it.

3
Sep 03

A few additional points to Pete’s comments on

Do You SeePost a comment • 373 views

A few additional points to Pete’s comments on That’ll Teach ‘Em. First – it was hardly overlooked by viewers and did amazingly well in the ratings, in the top 2 of C4’s programmes, far outstripping the likes of Teachers. Second – the discipline system was great. Being unable to cane the little darlings, the teachers had to think up a variety of cruel and unusual punishments such as holding weights in the air for 5 minutes and having a short back & sides, so it turned into quite a study of sadism. Third – the kids lost over 15 stone (210lbs) between the 28 of them over the 4 weeks by eating post-war food and having to do 1 hour of exercise a day. For Daily Mail readers bemoaning kids today and their many and varied flaws I’d say this was the best bit of evidence in favour of a 50s upbringing. Maybe the 50s diet will take over from Atkins?

1
Sep 03

ITV1 is having a bit of a week for new series with fantastically awful names. Thursday night’s 9pm slot (RIP Bad Girls) will be filled by

Do You SeePost a comment • 406 views

ITV1 is having a bit of a week for new series with fantastically awful names. Thursday night’s 9pm slot (RIP Bad Girls) will be filled by Sweet Medicine. This is a drama about a doctor called Nick Sweet. No really. Unfortunately I will be out of the country on Thursday so it’s up to the other DYSers to update you on this one.

8
Aug 03

Last night on Bad Girls

Do You SeePost a comment • 398 views

Last night on Bad Girls, Christopher Biggins (playing himself) and his partner adopted Buki’s six year old disabled son and invited her to live with them on her release in 4 months time. Also, we discovered that new screw Selena has joined the prison service with the sole purpose of being reunited with her patricidal peroxide lifer lover. Who she is two timing with another woman. Just 2 reasons why this is the best show in the world ever.

14
Feb 03

Ahem. The counsel for the defence says…

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 334 views

Ahem. The counsel for the defence says: I would have loved to be sitting close enough to the ashtray in order to use it. Or indeed to have been sitting at all in a very crowded pub on a Saturday night in the centre of town. It is far more antisocial to lean across people deeply engaged in conversation, waving a still-burning fag stub mere inches from their faces, in order to put it out than it is to put it out on the pub carpet which is clearly a special type of carpet designed to withstand the onslaught of fag butts / beer stains / mud from working men’s hobnailed boots / unidentifiable marks. It is also far more antisocial to insist on putting assorted detritus from your pockets / pub snacking into the ashtray which 99.9% of non smokers insist on doing. OI! It’s an ASHtray, not a crisp packet tray or a bus ticket tray. If I had been able to get near the flipping thing no doubt it would have been overflowing with pork scratching packets. Grumble grumble woe is me…

29
Aug 02

FANTASTIC PUB INNOVATIONS: 1 (in a series of 1 probably)

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 465 views

FANTASTIC PUB INNOVATIONS: 1 (in a series of 1 probably)

The pub dumbwaiter in the Jeremy Bentham. Just how marvellous is this? The bar is downstairs, we are upstairs. Being such popular people there were too many of us to carry a round single handed, and being such lazy people we refused to help each other carry the round. Luckily for us the lovely staff kindly popped our drinks in the dumbwaiter, gave it a tug (or however these things work) and bish bash bosh, all the drinks delivered safely upstairs with not a drop spilt. This is surely an urgent and key development which must be installed immediately in all pubs with upstairs seating but no upstairs bar.

26
Apr 02

(Ooops. I fear the alcohol has killed my brain cells and buggered up my short term memory. Let this be a warning to you all. )

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 463 views

(Ooops. I fear the alcohol has killed my brain cells and buggered up my short term memory. Let this be a warning to you all. )

25
Apr 02

Maybe www.keenmacpubs.com will help Publoggers to find the perfect local

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 624 views

Maybe www.keenmacpubs.com will help Publoggers to find the perfect local. A touch of black paint & velvet to lend a goth feel perhaps? (Sorry about the crap linking non-skillz)

11
Apr 02

I’m really not convinced that there is ever a good season to pub garden

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 386 views

I’m really not convinced that there is ever a good season to pub garden. It’s just one of those things that the British don’t seem to be very good at al fresco eating & drinking – yes, I know it’s a clich’ but it is true. The problems go like this: it’s too cold (most common) in which case you spend your time offering to help whoever is getting a round in, desperate for the warmth of the inside of the pub. Or it’s too warm (it can happen) making you sweat uncomfortably on your splintery old bench / stick uncomfortably to your sweaty plastic chair. It’s too sunny – you can’t see a thing & keep walking into people. There are insects everywhere, and wasps seem to have a strong alcoholic bent and love nothing more than flying into your pint. Not to mention children – no, not flying into my pint, I mean that daytime garden drinking seems to attract parents who would never under normal circumstances allow their little darlings into a nasty smoky pub, but who seem to think that pub gardens are an extension of the local playground. As far as I’m concerned the old adage should be ‘no garden supping of stout ever. At all.’