Posts from 12th May 2005

May 05

I Like Badgers

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 540 views

I can’t remember that there is anything outstanding about Badger Beer at all. Yet if it is on offer, I nearly always order it. I have tried to work out the reason for this, but it boils down to one simple fact. It is named after Badgers.

I am loathe to drink beers with comedy names, on the other hand. Bishop’s Knob and the like do not tempt me. This is not a kind of humour I particularly like, and therefore I drift this over to the beers too. Ditto with garish and badly drawn pump brasses. I am not saying that been is necessarily a serious matter, but lets not take it down to Benny Hill level.

None of these considerations have anything to do with taste, or at least the kind of taste you get in your mouth. But truth be told, beer is a product like any other and requires decent marketing. Not in a CAMRA “Drape a model in hops and call her the goddess of beer” way. Just as a simple, pleasant drink. Like Badgers are simple, pleasant animals.

Around The World in 80 Lousy Tunes, Day 37: Wooden Heart

I Hate MusicPost a comment • 382 views

I was a little bit distracted by Crispian’s screams to enact my very clever plan of escape straight away, so I decided to feign sleep for a while. When I woke Elvis was strutting around look very unhappy.

“What’s up Presley. Still disappointed that your brother Reg was the more talented one. Though of course in this context I am using talent to mean – at least he made less records.”
“Your boyfriend had nothing of use in his brains except fantasies of Jane Fonda in Barberella.”
“That’s a coincidence. I have fantasies about Electric Barbarella. And feeding every single remaindered copy of it down the collective throats of Duran Duran.”

He shrugged and walked off for a second, to return with his infernal drilling device. The idea was to insidiously bore into your brain. Kind of like listening to Brian Eno. Before he could fit it to me however I managed to shift my weight slightly on the rack, toppling the whole affair on to Elvis’s old frame.

I had noticed that this was quite an old set of torture equipment, wooden and rotten from lack of use from the mid seventies. So a slight push made the whole thing fall, crack and put a nice big wooden stake through Elvis’s heart. It also got me close enough to grab the keys before all the agents came running. I was out of the shackles in a second, freeing the now lobotomised Crispian in another. To be fair it did not make much difference to him.

I grabbed Elvis’s ridiculous gun, shot him a couple of times to make sure and then headed for the back stairs to avoid more agents. In a matter of minutes we were out in the horrific Tennessee air, and heading for the woods. Wood which now, despite his protests and his surprisingly long life, Elvis finally had for a heart.

ELVIS PRESLEY – Wooden Heart

It is a song about a puppet really, and that is a topic I have covered extensively. Nevertheless for those who are not aware of the horrors of this genre – Wooden Heart has a couple of other notable horrors about it. Namely a really poor German verse. Even Nena – who actually was German – realised that singing in that language was the kiss of death for any chart hits.

Elvis was well known for his gyrational efforts, which is why it is odd he would do a novelty hit like this, only suitable to be danced to by unipeds. The slow hop clopenfuff, the original dance, would have made even notorious sex god Elvis look a bit stupid, his quiff bobbing in the breeze. The song was written as a nice counterpoint to his time as GI in Germany. I guess if he thought he might die in combat the least he could do is also commit career suicide.

No Singer, No Show

FT + New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 381 views

Yet again BBC Three show they employ very, very stupid people.


Fermat’s Last Query?

Proven By SciencePost a comment • 324 views

Fantastic article from the Manila Times regarding a Philippines Professor’s discover that Andrew Wiles proof of Fermat’s Last Theory is flawed. The article is best read for Andrew Wiles response to this which illustrates his thorough English command of the non-mathematical discipline of sarcasm. Especially the phrase “Also I’d like to have the address of the guy who let you get a PhD 30 years ago. I’d like to discuss few things with him. . . “

The reason the Manila Times has this article and NO-ONE ELSE becomes clear at the bottom. Prof Escultura used to write a maffs column for the MT. As for the basis of the flaw he finds in Wiles proof, it soon becomes clear that this is probably because he is using a DIFFERENT NUMBER SYSTEM ALL TOGETHER. I am rather sympathetic to Prof Escultura’s suggestion that all of maths is wrong, and the tantalizing suggestion that this might be due to the operation of universal and existential quantifiers on infinite sets (never been too keen on these meself). However it is akin to disallowing a goal in a football match by changing the rules of the game.

Tarantino TV

Do You SeePost a comment • 284 views

QT has directed TV before, most notably a superbly blood-splattered episode of ER. One does not expect his direction of an episode of CSI to be anything less than “icky”. But now he is toying with a whole TV series.
Well he would not be the first (HALLO DAVID LYNCH) to dip toes in this water. And one would think that with HBO these days he could get away with almost anything. But as Lynch found, you can spiral off into nothing if it is not tightly plotted. Christ, even 24, which is now on its fourth season (I am halfway through) has not completely mastered the dual masters of being satisfying both episodically and over the entire series.

Nevertheless Tarantino would be an interesting guy to try out in this format. But it also brings up the suggestion that suddenly TV writers and format creators are suddenly being elevated to director level fame. Joss Whedon and JJ Abrahms are getting film gigs, perhaps neglecting what they were good at in the first place. It might be time for QT to remind us that good TV is as important as good film.