Posts from 9th May 2005
Out with a friend who is a real actual scientist yesterday, who was explaining his new job doing research on nano-magnets. Such is the level of layman knowledge of science, he was genuinely pleased when Alan made a nanofridge joke. Still, perhaps this is due to what passes as science tuition in our schools. It was suggested after all by one member of our party that one of the lessons done in her school involving a slice of liver on a plate with some milk. Apparently there is some sort of innate liver and milk attraction that reanimates the otherwise dead and certainly sluggish organ into life.
Many questions are raised by this (did said person go to a proper school being the least of them).
a) Does the liver and milk have to be from the same species?
b) What happens to the milk (and liver) when the liver gets there
c) Is it true?
d) has anyone else heard of this.
Well on the final point there is a question here which suggests that this is not a one woman hallucination. This version has the liver attacking whole milk bottles. However I suggest you google “liver milkbottle” at your own risk, as there appears to be a masturbation technique involving these items…
Perhaps that was the subtext at the all-ladies academy…
Not how he got away with the questionable zombie stunt (see below), but he does explain many other tricks on the Channel 4 micro-site. I’d like even MORE explanations – but it’s a good start. I think some of the highlights of the past series have been the “reveals”, e.g. when replaying the speech he gave to (Bash the) Pegg that made him think he’d always wanted a BMX, and not the leather jacket he’d previously written down. No sign of the BMX on Dr Who though.
15 Pizza’s end prison siege. Considering there were 20 inmates, getting their demands down to 15 pizzas was probably the kind of job only the most skilled hostage negotiator could sort out. Unfortuantely the report does not say what Meal Deal they used, and if the screws got the free 1.5 litre of Coke and tub of Haagen Dags.
Or indeed if they tipped the delivery driver.
1: The name of John Cusack’s character in Grosse Point Blank.
I believe it was Lee and Herring’s Fist Of Fun (though it might be the Mary Whitehouse Experience Encyclopaedia) that made a long list of potential sitcoms with realistically banal premises. Such as Bird In The Hand about a man called Ian Hand whose day job was to dress up as a giant chicken with hilarious consequences. Or A Stitch In Time, featuring Ian Stitch as a clockmaker. Etc: playing on the not unusual habit of British sitcoms to name the show after an aphorism with the titular characters name in it.
And then John Cusack goes and makes a really rather decent black comedy about a hitman: Grosse Point Blank. Point Blank being a gritty late sixties film, and also a terminology used when shooting someone, Grosse Point being where it is set.
So why did they call Cusack’s lead Martin Blank? Bah!
A post inspired by the sometimes unfortunate drinking ratio between good friends. I drink pretty slowly, truth be told. Other friends of mine are much faster. These ratios unfortunately, over the course of a short period of time, rarely break down into anything that can happily be services by the pint/half pint dichotomy served in the UK pub.
Thus: stealing the Brazil By Kilo idea: BEER BY KILO. Or litre, if that is easier to measure. This is currently illegal in the UK, you must buy your drinks in properly measured pints or divisions of half or a third of a pint. No-one however actually sells a third of a pint, which is somewhat annoying. BEER BY KILO would, if legalised, remove this problem by allowing us to order what we like and then pay by volume. Maybe even getting cashback at the end of the evening for that somewhat ambitious last orders pint.
This is not a completely new idea. Strada do this with their house wines, measuring the amount left in the bottle and knocking that off the bill. One assumes said wine goes back in the bucket, nicely oxidized. This itself is strictly against licensing regs (wine must be served in multiples of 175 or 250ml), but I am sure this has not been tested in a court since the consumer benefits (and the restaurant does not lose anything). So when will be see BEER BY KILO?