Posts from 18th April 2005

18
Apr 05

Totally Misguided Forehead Display

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New Brazilian 17-year old wizard Kerlon has invented* a new trick. He balances the ball on his head and runs with it. Any attempt to kick it off will be dangerous play, seeing how you’re aiming to kick him around the head. A shoulder charge would be illegal.

I think this is nothing more than obstruction, like putting the ball between you legs when sitting down and preventing the ball being played. That’s the definition of obstruction. This sort of crazy madness must be banned by the International Football Board. If unchecked, they’ll all be doing it, and before you know it, football becomes rugby-with-heads, or netball-with-bonces. Unless, of course, players learn how to execute high kicks with stunning accuracy. But enough Shaolin Soccer.

* ie, been the first person to actually do it in a proper match

The Robots Of Sechs

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Ananova, the kings of making a story out of half an idea, reports on the Most Realistic Sex Robots yet! Even a cursory read brings up some disturbing issues. Most clearly the fact that these robots have hearts and breathe like real people. During sex the robots hearts beat faster and their feet get cold.

What madness is this? Why build such lifelike dolls. Soon they might even invent a robot that likes sex. Which would clearly be wrong (though might help lots of people who work ith the car industry their jobs back).

The Interpreter Interpreted

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Namely, this is a wonderful neo-colonialist film which likes to stress the role of the UN in mediating world affairs, whilst acknowledging that the reality all boils down to a couple of white Americans making choices. Sean Penn is a white New York cop. Nicole Kidman is a white American interpreter who spent most of her childhood years in Motobo, a fictional country. Obviously growing up in a fictional country warps your brain, which is why she keeps doing stupid “woman in peril” type stuff here. But the key point is that this film is about these white people: when it says it is actually about Motobo. To such a degree that any of the characters with significant speaking roles are white.

This may well be an accurate reflection of the way of the world. It may also suggest why plenty of African countries feel the UN is not exactly on their side. Whatever. Sidney Pollock’s film is a plea for us to take the UN seriously in what are dark days in the States for the UN. But he does want his cake and eat it: because the UN he shows is no UN at all, It is rather the Americans in the UN, and the white ones at that, who make all the decisions.

Even the baddie is white. Sheesh!

A Night of Footballing Firsts

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Arsenal Ladies v Djurg’rden/’lvsj’, UEFA Women’s Cup, Boreham(space)wood FC

There were a whole world of firsts for me at Boreham(space)wood* on Friday, here they are in some sort of numerical order:

1. First women’s football match I’ve been to.
2. First european club match I’ve been to.
3. First floodlight failure I’ve seen.
4. First terrace violence I’ve seen.
5. First game I’ve left before the end (mainly due to 3 and 4)

It wasn’t the best of games, Arsenal going down 0-1, having drawn the first leg in Sweden and they were pretty much outclassed throughout (10 of the D/A squad are in the national team, the other being a Finnish international, so they are pretty handy). Unfortunately I missed the goal as it was scored just as I was ordering my cheese burgers having stood in the queue for 20 minutes. The crowd were also very odd. OK, so you don’t expect kids to make much noise (under 16s got in free, rather than the ’2 adults pay), but even their parents/guardians looked like they had never been to a match at this level before, almost embarrassed to applaud or gee up a player who was only five foot away rather than a small dot in the distance. We positioned ourselves by the noisiest bit of the ground, the 30 or so Swedish fans who’d come along to support their girls, and what a great job they were doing, they even managed a couple of chants in English. Unfortunately a small knot of local teenagers took exception to this (no segregation of course) and started swearing at them which degenerated into pushing and eventually a scuffle, with no sign of a steward within 100 yards to step in. This ugliness combined with two of the floodlights failing about ten minutes into the second half as well as the cold and rain led to us sneaking out before the match re-started.

Also, probably another first, there wasn’t a single off-side given during the match, but I wouldn’t stoop so low as to make a joke about women and understanding the offside law, oh no, that’d be right out…

*everyone else calls it borehamwood these days, except the football club, for no apparent reason