Posts from 10th January 2005

10
Jan 05

THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUE STORY

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 417 views

THE FOLLOWING IS A TRUE STORY

My brother and a friend were in a pub near Blackpool once when Irish funnyman Frank Carson walked out of the powder room, rubbing his hands, proclaiming “It’s a cracker”.

Unfortunately they did not take the opportunity to ask Frank for one-liner advice which – as anyone who saw their joint after-dinner performance in Colchester the next week might argue – could have been an idea.

Great Television Listings Of Our Time, pt. 95822:

Do You SeePost a comment • 443 views

Great Television Listings Of Our Time, pt. 95822:

BBC1, next Monday:

9:15 a.m. – Beat the Burglar

Dominic Littlewood presents a home security series where a family watches every second of their house being burgled so it will never happen to them for real.

EXPERIMENT: AYINGERBRAU

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EXPERIMENT: AYINGERBRAU

The question was, what happens when I drink exclusively Ayingbrau of an evening? The location was The Blue Posts Newman Street. And the occasion was Magnus’s birthday. The results?

People have suggested that plenty of other factors may alter these experiments. Last Friday was a perfect example of this. A bit of quick delicious food lined the stomach, an insanely full pub irritated and drove your correspondant into problem-solving mode (including a brief ten minutes wandering in gale force freezing winds checking other pubs). All this and the death of a resolution. All I drank was the fatman, and yet how much of my mood was fatman derived?

Luckily Ayingerbrau comes around more often than most so this can be repeated. but things I noted from last week anyway (people who were there should post in the comments box any other things they may have notice about my demeanour).

Active brain. (Still hot on the quizzer late into the night.)
Reflective. (Occasional moments when I was away with the fairies.)
Stoical. (See the fart thing.)
Genial. (I talked to quite a few people I did not know that well.)
Did not feel all that drunk.

“Rock Legend” gets only 14p busking.

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“Rock Legend” gets only 14p busking. I’m not surprised. It would only be polite to wait until he finished a song before giving the money. And half an hour is barely two and a half wives of Henry The Eighth.

This is a favourite news story about any pop star who has the notion that they could “cut-it” on the cold hard streets. Last fool to try was Badly Drawn Boy. Such stars forget that people want to hear old songs from buskers. BDB playing his new single was worth nothing. Salty Dave playing Angels on a harmonica will still rope it in.

Anyway, watching Rick Wakeman on the streets is not hugely different to watching the old tramp with a green wig on who used to tap dance on Cornmarket in Oxford. What is more disturbing about this story is the encroachment of local council cultural gatekeepers telling us what street music we can hear. And even more disturbing is that Wakeman passed the test.

EXETER FACE BIGGEST WEEK OF FOOTBALL IN CLUB HISTORY*

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EXETER FACE BIGGEST WEEK OF FOOTBALL IN CLUB HISTORY*

Much has been made of the Grecians well earned draw against Manchester United in the FA Cup. This means that next week, they have two of the biggest games in club history. Not only the replay between Utd and Exeter, live on BBC1 on the 19th January, but a mere three days later, a battle with current conference leaders Barnet. There will be a substantial FreakyTrigger presence at this game.

On other Grecian News, captain Sean Devine auditions for role in new live-action Popeye TV series:

*Not strictly true. As the comments box will certainly show soon.

That’s no moon.

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That’s no moon.

Utterly Resolute

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Utterly Resolute

I don’t care how cold that cold day in hell might be, but nothing I’d rather freeze than wear one of these. I have resolved to never, ever, ever buy one for anyone I know. There is great harm in it, and it most certainly is not a bit of fun. I am staggered that they exist as a company, and have enough cash to advertise in colour in the News of the World, where we saw them advertised yesterday. All my prejudices have been confirmed by the adverts’s placement on the Rugby Union page.

MORAL DELINQUENCY

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MORAL DELINQUENCY:

ok i videod the j.springer op = will probably never see it to judge, but where were those 50,000 committed protesters when we needed em = night-vision shots of john mcc!rr!ck asleep naked (in his undies) = the radically daring vanguard of avant-garde cinema AND outdoes the night-vision sequences in silence of the lambs for creepy revolutionary grisliness YAY!!

i. if the runner-up of SBB = the xander, does that make bez the bez?
ii. total special one-off “contributions to world cultural history” turner prize to whoever got germaine g in there!!!

(Personal) Development Hell

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(Personal) Development Hell

Today I am on a training course, and where there is training you know SMART objectives won’t be far behind. These suited and booted cousins of the New Year Resolution may be more effective but they’re a tenth as fun. If you’re lucky enough not to meet them, the word stands for Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Relevant and Timely (I think). When I walked in the training room – sorry the ‘Learning Zone’ – I was handed a sheaf of papers to fill in which will add up to about twenty of these things, each of them squatting on my professional conscience. So far I have tried to make them as painless as possible – ‘sort out my email’, ‘find a pad’ – but worse is to come. What I particularly hate about them – and this goes for time management in general, which is why I need these things – is how they systematically remove any remaining elements of surprise from the working day. Even if the surprise is an unpleasant one – viz. completely forgetting something terrifically important – it at least gets the brain moving.

Special Quiz Spoiler

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Special Quiz Spoiler

If you’re from my work then here’s an easy point for you but this was too good to resist posting. In the anagrams round

HOW TO DISMANTLE AN ATOMIC BOMB

translates to

TO EMIT BOMBASTIC MOAN AND HOWL

Hurrah!