Posts from 7th April 2004

7
Apr 04

The Results Are In!

FT + New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 259 views

The Results Are In!: 00s worst pop decade ever. Obviously I don’t remotely agree but that’s not really here or there. It’s just an opportunity to share a nugget of data I discerned when spending most of this week putting all 975 or so UK No.1s onto CD in preparation for Club Popular. Which is this: hits are getting shorter again. The fifties and sixties No.1s are generally pretty sort, with the early 60s particularly economical – a song longer than three minutes is a rarity. The advent of Rock introduces inflation into pop songwriting and lumbering monsters like “Hey Jude” formulate a length=depth equation which, though entirely bogus, has lasted pretty much to this day (almost all of Robbie’s hits seem to last FOREVER, and don’t get me started on Oasis). The 90s were particularly bad for songs outstaying their welcome, five minute tunes at No.1 were common, but with the Spice Girls and the late-90s pop renaissance hit lengths have started to drop again and the standard pop song duration now seems to be, yes, the canonical three-to-three-and-a-half minutes. SO THERE!

all sm_ djur sl_r rosett p_ sin svans

FT + New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 181 views

all sm_ djur sl_r rosett p_ sin svans

plus mp3s by the composer!!

PopNose9

FT + New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 224 views

PopNose9 (1.5M) Make that Wednesday evening – things are hectic here and will be until Friday morning, and which point I will reveal the IDs of BOTH these tracks! Bonus!

I will not add to the reams and reams of guff spouted regarding the Passion Of The Ickle Baby Jebus

Do You SeePost a comment • 513 views

I will not add to the reams and reams of guff spouted regarding the Passion Of The Ickle Baby Jebus, but to note the one thing I never knew before. Alright four things I learnt from Melvin Gibson’s pretty lousy exploitation movie:

1: The Devil looks like Luke Goss in Blade 2. Does not quite have the same wrestling moves though.

2: The best way to motivate a condemned man with lacerations all over his body is to whip him some more. Frankly with HR skills like this it is no wonder the Roman Empire declined, and indeed fell.

3: King Herod = King Tut from Batman.

4: Jesus invented the slightly higher table.

Admittedly, I could happily have continued in my life knowing none of this.

Gothika – or as it should really be called – GoThicko.

Do You SeePost a comment • 234 views

Gothika – or as it should really be called – GoThicko. A truly stupid film about characters who are apparently very clever being very stupid. Put it like this, the film contains the longest sequence I can remember for ages in which the vunerable heroine is trying to work out who the killer is in the presence of said killer. The audience, if they cared, would be screaming at her to say he is sitting next to you. But we don’t care because our suspension of disbelief has turned into suspension of interest about the time the film decided that the “Satan” raping Penelope Cruz in isolation in the mental asylum is actually real.

It is in this decision the film squanders its only interesting possible twist. If the ghost causing havoc with Halle Berry’s life is after retribution, why would Cruz’s stepfather killed equally violently not be a malevolent spirit. This is interesting because ti introduces the idea of the evil ghost, something western mythology is almost done with these days. Ghosts are just the aftermath of piss-poor-pop psychology, all with unfinished issues to sort out. Well Cruz’s stepfather, whom she violently killed to stop him abusing her, fits into the unfinished business school. Instead the pointlessly named Gothika keeps us to a one ghost only plot, and its a plot we have seen before. Poor.

Pick up the new issue of When Saturday Comes

TMFDPost a comment • 316 views

Pick up the new issue of When Saturday Comes and who’s that on page 34? Why, it’s TMFD’s own Dave Boyle with an article on the madness of escalating squad numbers – an article that may be familiar to this blog’s handful of patient readers as it first appeared here a month or two ago. This is I think the first time an FT post has morphed into a real actual printed magazine article and short of the LRB seeing sense and giving Vic Fluro a comics column it might be the last for a while too.

LMA Manager 2004, my own window onto the beautiful game, has caught the shirt number fever – every time you buy a player you have to assign him a number, a pointless bit of realism that has zero effect on the gameplay as far as I can tell. These numbers go up to a whopping 99: the virtual Daves in the stands would be having a fit.