The mysteries of Scotch Steak House remain virgo intacta: my friend and I arrived, fully intending to take whatever this mysterious chain dished out, at the one in the Strand. It was, of course, entirely empty – except for one very tiny little old man in friont of a huge plate, with abt 10 lambchops on it and nothing else. We sat down and looked round: decor red and green as per tradition, mirrored walls, no staff to be seen even behind the bar, curious synthesised jazz-lite muzak. We sat. And we sat. And we sat. Without even a menu to read. After ten minutes, a waiter appeared, looked at us, went away. Later another man appeared in the very back and answered a ringing phone. We were hungry by now, so we took the hint and went elsewhere.
12 November 2003
Enough has been said on ‘The Theory of Everything’ but it worth mentioning that it is symptomatic of how awful science TV has got. TToE sits in a slot once occupied by the excellent Equinox series of one hour documentaries, and one can’t help thinking that Equinox would have dealt with string theory better in one hour than Brian Greene has so far done in two. The key difference appears to be the amount of white space (or rather CGI filled space) around the actual info. Science broadcasting used to make assumptions about people’s knowledge, not many but they would at least assume that people who were watching were at least interested and would be watching Monarch of the Glen or Top Gear instead. People need things explained clearly concisely and without patronising. People can handle more than a couple of facts between adverts. There are a lot of scientists who are very good at communicating their passions to the uninitiated. I just wish they got more access to mainstream TV.
And I wish one of them could explain String Theory to me.
…from the band Metric, whose new lp, Old World Underground, Where Are You Now?, has just been promoted to the A-list on the radio station in my head. On first listen you might peg them as skinny-tie, keytar new wavers, but Haines has got a smart mouth on her, with the infectiously withering tone of an Algonquin liquid-lunch-party. ‘Succexy’ (sample lyric ‘all we do is talk, sit, switch screens / as the homeland plans enemies’) could be the first indie pop song I’ve heard this year that acknowledges a wider, wilder world beyond genre pastiche and schmindie womance. It’s certainly the best.
Full Four-Organ Breakfast (defined for Felicity): full english breakfast – bacon, eggs, mushrooms, tomatos, beans, toast or fried bread – PLUS kidneys, black pudding and sausage. How this works: kidneys = obv (organ 1). Sausage = nose and, er, porcine parson’s nose (organs 2&3). Black puddings = blood, barley (yes yes not organs) and fat (organ 4) (look I read an article in New Scientist headlined “Fat is the largest organ in your body” so eat it buster) (if you don’t shut up I’ll replace it with SAVELOY – fr.the italian for BRAINS – and I think you’ll agree that saveloy for breakfast is a STEP TOO FAR EVEN FOR FELICITY!!)
Now return to your constituencies and make this so.