Posts from 9th December 2002

9
Dec 02

Brad Paisley – I Wish You’d Stay

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On of the gifts of country music is describing the geography of the land as the geography of the heart. Each place has its memories, and places that are described as the fly over by those who live in the coast are filled with states that have a unique character.

On this latest single- designed as an epistle- a lover leaves towards Memphis. He wishes that she finds love along the way and provides a map in the glove box. The trip is described sate by state. The way that he describes the journey to Memphis is evocative-he knows the towns that move past the inner state and names them. He whispers about sunsets in West Tennessee, he has a sister in Memphis that will provide room and lodge, and he knows that she has to go, and although he wants her to stay, he will make sure she is safe.

There is care and tenderness and an honest melancholy, and an understanding that there are only things that a car and the open road can resolve.

Bad news for fans of FAT JOE

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Bad news for fans of FAT JOE – he’s the latest Real Music Martyr, as his “Crush Tonight” becomes an early victim of the glut of Reality-Pop product set to dominate December and January’s Top 40s, stalling at No.42. Joe’s reserves of subcutaneous energy will keep him warm this Christmas – other RMMs may not be so lucky. And an honorary Martyrdom to Robbie Williams, whose tiresome Eltathon “Feel” staggers to No.4 and gets a beating from the Cheeky Girls (and, perhaps more respectably, from Eminem). Meanwhile looking at Dotmusic’s Top 75 I notice that Rainbow’s “It’s A Rainbow” is in fact an official release on BBC Records. That possibly explains why this grisly bit of Toytown Trance is so ham-fistedly put together – it also makes me deeply regret my license-fee criminality as poor Auntie is clearly somewhat desperate for ready cash. Except! Rainbow was on ITV, was it not? There are powers at work here of which I am not aware, clearly.

META-POPEYE

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META-POPEYE – Not a Popeye at all therefore (though its nice to see Eminem at number one, he’s done well the scrappy lil’ fighter). Since Mark Goodier left the Radio One Chart rundown we have had a selection of guest presenters from the rest of their schedules. Is it a bid to raise the profile of their other punters, road test a few of them befor emaking a decision or that no-one wants to take the poisoned chalice. Anyway, if you look beyond the mildly diverting and probably irreverant pick of Mark Radcliffe to do this week, into the new year we get the interesting opportunity to see how John Peel will do it (grumpily and cack-handedly) and best of all will be Tim Westwood – or Westwood as he is known these days (Timothy is just not street enuff) doing that top ten countdown while probably dropping a bomb on One True Voice.

HOW TO WRITE A BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SONG : A I HATE MUSIC CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE SPECIAL

I Hate Music7 comments • 4,402 views

HOW TO WRITE A BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SONG : A I HATE MUSIC CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE SPECIAL

1: Choose your era.
If you want to write a 70’s Springsteen song go to option 2.
If you want to write an 80’s Springsteen song go to option 3.
If you want to write a 90’s or later song go to option 4.

2:You have decided to write a 1970’s Bruce Springsteen song.
Read a local newspaper. Pick an issue (disaffected youths drag racing, or the closing down of local factories are good). Make sure your song has at least a couple of protagonists – at least one of each sex. Girls names must end in the letter Y, it is much easier to rhyme. Now you must decide if you want this to be an introspective number or you want to justify paying the E Street Band.
If you want to write a ballad go to option 5.
If you want to write a rabble rousing rock stonker go to option 6.

3:You have decided to write a 1980’s Bruce Springsteen song.
Read a national newspaper. Pick an issue (disaffected twenty somethings annoyed by the government or the closing down of entire national industries are good). Your songs do not need protagonists, you speak for all of America now. However you still have to decide over quiet and loud.
If you want to write a ballad which will make the whole world cry go to option 5.
If you want to write a rabble rousing rock stonker whose lyrics will be misunderstood (even though you planned on that in the first place to sell more records) go to option 6.

4: You have decided to write a 1990’s or later Bruce Springsteen song.
Read the world section of a newspaper. If you can’t find this in America you can always try Time Magazine, Newsweek or pick up a foreign paper when you are touring abroad. Pick an issue (pandemic diseases or the closing down of entire global industries are good). Pick a protagonist, preferably male and extra preferably borrowed from American literature.
If you want to write a ballad go to option 5.
If you want to write a rabble rousing rock stonker you should have picked another period – 90’s Springsteen doesn’t do that stadium rock bollocks. Go to 5 instead but pick up a drum machine on the way.

5: You have decided to write a ballad.
These are supposed to be sad so they should be slow, only employ half of the E Street Band and involve you singing the chorus very slowly somewhere along the line whilst doing an impression of the cookie monster. The whole affair should end on a pessimistic downbeat note, preferably with the death of a character.

6: You have decided to write a rabble rousing rock stomper (check its not the nineties, if it is go straight to 5 – you are not allowed in here).
Get all of the E Street Band together put your foot on the monitors and ROCK OUT. Remember the cliched sentiments in the lyrics don’t matter because the music is too driving to coherently listen to them. Make sure there is a big saxophone break. The whole affair should end with a drum roll, cymbal smash and you wiping your forehead – preferably with a sweatbanded wrist.

There, you have written a Bruce Springsteen song, and are now eligible to come number two in the best album of the year charts in Uncut and Mojo for the rest of eternity. You will have to start writing about space soon though.

Hey Steve, nice to see you.

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 257 views

Hey Steve, nice to see you. Part of the other reason may well have been the temprementality of said jukebox as well, which was doing the admittedly bargain deal of five song for a quid which would skip the odd track or three programmed in out of capriciousness (what it has against Pulp’s Common People I have no idea). Nevertheless it was nice to have the choice of banging Scooter on loudly. The pub itself has not changed an awful lot since Shepherd Neame took over with the obvious exception of the much, much better beer on display. Though this brings us to “Alcopop hell….”

We are pastr the heyday of the alcopop where every Professor Brainstrawm in the country was mixing colouring, flavourings, sugah and alcohol to try and make the youth of Britain go blind. These days new products are sophisticated blends owned by existing brands, most recently being the Gordon’s Edge (Lemon or Lime). But does the Holstein brewery fit into the illustrious grouping of Bacardi, Gordon’s, Smirnoff or Archer’s? I would suggst not. Holstein Fusion are a range of -not as I orignally guessed – fruit beers. Instead they are fruit alcopops mixed with a twist of refreshing lager. WHich make the apple one snakebite, the blackcurrant one snakebite and black and the lemon one – well the lemon one tastes exactly like Top Deck lager shandy. But at 5%. Which would be dangerous if it came in pints but in 275ml bottles its finished in a matter of seconds.

B-b-but Jel

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B-b-but Jel – what of the shock news that not only is the three way battle of Brian Harvey, Girls Aloud and One True Voice- but for some strange reason Avril Lavigne is also releasing Sk8ter Boi on the 16/12/02. Only TV advertised Christmas hopefuls release in that week, the Radio Two shockahs (Haskell step forwards) and kids singles (Blobby, Bob and the Teletubbies). You would think Lavigne would hold her fire for the easy shot coming a couple of weeks later. But maybe there is a thought that in spliting the pop vote the power pop voter might just make it. Wishful thinking? It may be a case of Sk8ter Boi – see you l8ter boi.

According to Frank polka and disco are the two most hated words in music

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… I would nominate Radiohead and Indie – so a combination of the two genres is bound to keep every body off the dance floor. You can listen to Beer Barrel Polka on Frank’s website. And if that isn’t enough, Ethel Merman’s disco album will be reissued next year.