Posts from 25th January 2002

25
Jan 02

TANYA’S RAINBOW OF RUBBISH: Rainbow

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TANYA’S RAINBOW OF RUBBISH: Rainbow

They say there is a crock of gold at the end of the rainbow, guarded by crafty Irish leprauchauns. Well, that may well be the case, but all I saw when I got to the end of this Rainbow Of Rubbish were the four girls from B*Witched doing some cod Riverdance to try and regain some sort of career. I soon smacked them upside the head, but C’est La Vie as I’m sure they would say.

No, at the end of the spectrum of shite is one final entry, a band who had so little shame that they decided to name themselves after the entire Rainbow. They were called Rainbow – and unsurprisingly they were rubbish. It was a vanity project, an offshoot from the equally dull (and colour mentioning) Deep Purple. The Purple were famous primarily for writing the easiest record ever made – in Smoke On The Water. This tag slowly got to their guitarist Ritchie Blackmore until he could take it no longer and left. Notwithstanding the obvious fact that he had written the childishly simple song ever and that fact was not going to go away by changing bands. Indeed it became quite clear that Blackmore was a bit of a blamer in general. Rainbow got through three seperate singers – all kicked out citing creative differences. I assume they wanted to be creative – and this was different to “three note Blackmore”.

Rainbow – in the great tradition of British Heavy Metal – were dull, lumpen bores. Their most successful song was “Since You’ve Been Gone” a Blackmore penned number about how nuts he’s been since someone has – unsurprisingly – been gone. If you were so worried about people leaving you wouldn’t keep kicking them out of your band. In the end the dictatorial style of Blackmore (and lack of sales) forced the band to split – Blackmore went and joined Whitesnake (what is it with this guy and colours?). Rainbow had never really been a band anyway – just Blackmore and bunch of puppets. Blackmore on Guitar, George on bass, Bungle on drums and Zippy on vocals.

Given that the Winter Olympics are happening in Salt Lake City

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Given that the Winter Olympics are happening in Salt Lake City (easy pub quiz question!) who else would carry the torch other than the Osmonds? Ahhh Donny and Marie. No longer famous for music, just for coming from Salt Lake City. The caption to this piece informs us that they were big stars in the 1970s. Awwww. Will they be the final carriers of the torch BEFORE THE FLAME IS LIT? It’s a secret. More importantly, will Donny be able to restrain himself from belting into a rocking singalong of Crazy Horses before the official drug testing? OWAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Cornershop to attempt world record for longest remix:

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Cornershop to attempt world record for longest remix: There is so much information missing from this tidbit of news.
1) What is the current record? My guess is that there isn’t one, therefore anyone who finds a particularly long remix will be in with a shout – at least until next week.
2) Why does the Guinness Book of Records have to be in attendance. I don’t doubt that said long tedious remix will exist in some for or another afterwards. Does Norris McWhirters successor really need to hang around watching Tjinder Singh twiddling some knobs to verify it actually happened.
3) The song is called Spectral Mornings. Man on a bike – if it doesn’t already sound like a bunch of hippy claptrap I daresay the remix will do the job. Its fourteen minutes long already.
4) Do you think the real reason for the remix will be to remove Noel Gallagher’s guitar bit?

Nitsuh (of ILM fame) reviews Aesop Rock

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Nitsuh (of ILM fame) reviews Aesop Rock and makes it sound pretty good. Unfortunately the quotes Dave provides have made me never want to hear the record ever in the whole rest of my life. This is a bit unfair (though the Aesop Rock track I downloaded did nothing for me either) but the message is simple: never quote lyrics and say ‘look at this amazing lyric’ because it won’t seem amazing. It will seem – like these ones – smarmy or trite.

ARMAGEDDON IT?

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ARMAGEDDON IT?

Various quotations pulled from an Essay On Rock & Roll Lyrics (as found on Rockwisdom.com):

“… [M]usic can be used to create and promote industry. Contemporary music provides numerous business opportunities for musicians, record companies, merchants, and supporting industry. In fact, it is a huge multi-billion dollar per year industry. The music industry is good in that it provides goods and services, and helps spur the economy.”

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“One of the greatest concerns is that people are being bombarded with negative and destructive ideas to the point where they become self perpetuating and feed and grow off each other. Can negative and destructive ideas and concepts really spread and grow? Although it may be difficult to prove or establish a direct correlation, the reality of the situation is that negative material has been increasing at a dramatic and alarming rate. (Note: The rate of increase could be measured and tracked by taking the top 500 selling/requested songs for each year since 1955 and comparing them according to categories of contents, themes, profanity, etc.).”

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“It is never permissible to expose pornography and other types of inappropriate material to children. And only permissible to expose older children, such as teenagers and young adults, to certain adult oriented material with the consent of parents and guardians or in other cases at least providing consumer labels so that they may intervene at their own discretion. In addition, it is not reasonable to expect that parents and guardians to be able to watch over their children’s well being 24 hours a day for 365 days a year for 18 years. Society has a responsibility to act as a good neighbor.

It is not always a ‘black and white’ world, and we must search for solutions in the ‘gray’ by being open minded and creative, willing to work with each other, and always using legitimate means and being fair. Acceptable compromises can be found so that we may keep both ideals intact.”

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“Another irony with the entertainment industry is that an over whelming majority of the most critically acclaimed pieces of music, movies, plays, and television shows do not utilize techniques associated with negative material. Perhaps one of the reasons they are great and withstand the test of time is because they rise above the pettiness of cheap gimmicks and rely on creativity, vibrancy, energy, honesty, and the genius of the creator. People with real talent do not need to rely on tricks.

Yes, there are individuals who abuse the freedoms and liberties that we cherish. Some do not care about the impact they have or their responsibility to society, but rather focus only on their self-interests. They continuously exploit the gray in our Constitution, our trust in our fellow citizens, and our wonderful ability to forgive and tolerate.”

Hank Shocklee Seen Outside Def Jam Offices: “Will Produce Thundering Wall Of Sound For Food.”

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Hank Shocklee Seen Outside Def Jam Offices: “Will Produce Thundering Wall Of Sound For Food.”

Terminally out of step, Chuck D and his attendant hangers on (I wonder if they still call themselves the “Security of the First World” post 9-11) have announced a contest allowing scrawny white boys with a copy of ProTools the world over the chance to produce the new (old) P.E. record. As if that wasn’t goofy enough, the secondary hook is that they are old songs; every week starting in July, they’re going to post newly recorded vocals for classic Public Enemy tracks to their website for then renovation. Spake the Righteous Thunder himself: “We want to hear everything from electronica to metal, slack-key to Brazilian jazz, even bluegrass and country,” and “the Motowns, STAX, Atlantic, Chess, SUN, and even the early rap labels Enjoy, Profile, Tommy Boy and yes Sugarhill’ rode on the spontaneity of cutting sounds, on what was happening right then on the street, and getting it back out.” What do you wanna guess they’re all gonna sound like a. The Neptunes, b. Public Enemy records, c. DJ Shadow, or d. Kid606-style plunderphonia?

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to get back to my reworking of “Terminator X Speaks With His Hands.”

More musing on the Wetherspoon’s experience.

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More musing on the Wetherspoon’s experience. My misfortune dumped me in the Metropolitan Bar at Baker Street last night and there was little I could do about it. is a flagship Wetherspoon’s with award winning toilets, and aircraft hanger ambience. One thing that struck me about the joint is its attempted marriage of tradition and modernism. From the sleek metal bar to the frighteningly mirrored (and constantly manned) toilets it appeared that anything which needed high maintenence was designed with a modernist touch. Compare this to the grotty blue carpet, the general decor and the tables and chairs which aimed at tradition – though missed by a country mile. Its this grab bag attitude which I think is the cause of their downfall. By trying to be all things to all people they end up just not pleasing any audience.

We had another no smoking section run in at the end of the night – and it struck me that such rullings just leave the staff in an uneviable position of trying to enforce the impossible. Not only that but the horrific uniforms they had to wear were those of a bank teller.

However the very worst aspect of the pub was yet again the toilets. I believe these toilets have won awards for cleanliness and ambience, which surprises me. Not cleanliness – since they are constantly manned. But considering this is a very touristy pub, surely it is given completely the wrong idea of multicultural Britain where the only black face working in the pub lurks in Gents, doing a Sammy Davis Jnr soft shoe shuffle while you have a piss and then operates the tap and squirts soap into your hands. Sure he is touting for tips, and doing well out of it, but it just felt mortified every time he pulled off another paper towel for me to dry my hands with and said “here you go sir”. I do not have a knighthood, and if I did I would leave it at the door of the pub too.