Posts from January 2001

30
Jan 01

Pop Eye

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Pop Eye – spinning off from NYLPM onto its own page, our weekly look at the charts. Now with a poll! Looks a bit rough round the edges but when we get the proper artwork up it’ll be splendid.

Mellow Marsh

I Hate Music1 comment • 1,069 views

A stab at psychedelia, which if psychadelia pressed charges would almost be reduced to “acting goofy with a deadly weapon”. Mellow Marsh cleverly transposes the two constituent words of marshmellow, to tell a story about Vietnam draft dodgers making out in a bit of swampy land whilst smoking what the song describes as Jazz Cigarettes. This being TMBG the tune does not get very explicit on the making out front – instead some feeble stab at inuenddo is made regarding “toasting on a stick” which is about as suggestive as saying your drink looks like a slug (though possibly true in TMBG case). Musically Mellow Marsh outstays its welcome by a good three minutes, and uses the idiots guide to psychadelia by employing a sitar, with accordian backing. Mellow Marsh has been taken up by the DEA as part of their war against drugs, as they manage to make them sound not only dull and uninspired but thoroughly geeky as well.

Armadillo saved.

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 295 views

Armadillo saved. I have to say after my post – which was fuelled much by noticing this obvious corrolary of the 1963 Weights & Measures Act – I may have gone too far. And Tim holds the secret of the Armadillo (in a sort of Tony The Tiger guarding the Frosties secret formula way) so I bow to his superior knowledge. Just banning the Lager Top has made my year. All that said I don’t think we are going to have roaming Trading Standards Officers closing down all the pubs in Essex.

Tom was right when he suggested that serving a drink where it is impossible to work out the abv – ie the proportion of alcohol in a drink – is illegal (though only with certain drinks. Indeed the only metered drinks are draught lager, cider, perry, stout and porter plus the four key spirits: vodka, gin, whiskey and rum. Anything else can be served in whatever measure they like. Oddly this rarely seems to happen.

I am with Tim on the campaign to save the light and bitter. A hoary old mans drink that it is, it does start the day off nicely. I fear it lacks converts in the younger generation due to its complexity. How much do you tip in at any one time. Is the aim to have a consistent head, or merely to traverse the taste spectrum from mainly bitter to mainly light ale. About ninety percent of central London bar staff would have no idea what one was if you asked for one these days.

Finally more ideas what to do on your own in a pub. Has nobody mentioned the jukebox? You can waste hours on that. I grant that it would not have helped Emma in Cargo – but this is a publog.

A batch of new stuff up at

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A batch of new stuff up at Tangents – for my money the best is Mark Morris’ intelligent essay on – among others – Basquiat. There should I think be more classy British music zines – does anyone know of any others?

29
Jan 01

iJamming!

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iJamming!: you can’t keep a good magazine down. Jamming! despite the noxious title was a class ‘zine from the late 70s and early 80s, now almost forgotten, but its ex-editor Tony Fletcher maintains a website with some old excerpts and new reflections.

The Armadillo illegal?

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 469 views

The Armadillo illegal? Much as supping on the wrong side of the law might make me look harder, I refute the allegation that the ‘dillo falls foul of the 1963 Act. The recipe for the Cider A is as follows: take a pint of cider and a single sherry. Take a swig of your cider and then add the sherry to what is now a slightly less than full glass. Serves one.

I challenge you to take legal issue with that, m’lud. The lager top, on the other hand, is clearly illegal. It is also immoral and must be driven out from any civilised society.

Crivens, I turn my back…

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 790 views

Crivens, I turn my back… Right, since I am the only one round here to hold a British Institute of Innkeepers National Licensee’s Certificate I can clear up the first of the many pub based questions. Namely : is snakebite illegal. Well they actual advertise it in the Workers Beer Tents at festivals so you would hope not (though it may have contributed to Glastonbury being off this year). Answer is no. As long as the proportions of cider and lager are either in multiples of a third or a half of a pint. You see it is illegal to pour beer in quantities which are not multiples of these fractions of a pint.

This does – it occurs to me – have an interesting upshot. Lager top, lager and lime and cider armadillos (especially the later) are illegal. Since to fit the top / lime / sherry into the pint glass it would be necessary to pour just less than a pint, but considerable more than two thirds of a pint – the draught drink must been poured in an illegal measure. Now I am partial to the odd lager and lime on a hot summers day, but even so find this legal application of the Weights and Measures Act (1963) to be rather gratifying nevertheless.

On your own in a pub? Why not pull?

By sheer coincidence, Saturday night saw me exploring 2 previously explored themes

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 268 views

as follows:

1. In a bar in Sosho (Cargo on Rivington Street)
2. Waiting for mates (well, actually work colleagues but they are fairly decent chaps)

As far as (1) goes: imagine if you will…….. the year is 1992…… a young, scantily clad girl ventures out to Ritzy’s in Dunstable, gets pissed on vodka and coke and giggles a lot. Now fast forward to 2001…… girl is slightly older and better dressed but ends up in what can only be described as the Sosho version of Ritzy’s (only this time I was pissed on rum and coke). Having said that the toilets are immaculate, drinks are not that extortionately priced (2.50 for a bottle of Stella isn’t that bad) and the place is ridiculously full of gorgeous men. So that’s where they’ve all been hiding. And they seemed to be straight.

And as for (2) – well this took the biscuit as I had to wait ONE HOUR, that’s 60 English minutes, for my companions to turn up. In this time I had 2 drinks, numerous nonchalant fags, texted a couple of people, phoned a few, leant against a wall, checked my coat into the cloakroom (and lost the ticket), tried to look cool, failed; you get the picture. Didn’t have a newspaper and even if I had done it would have made me look like a right psycho. I had already carried out extensive grooming during the day so that option was out too.

I have resolved to get places later and end this lonely misery once and for all.

Gravy Train Derailed

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Gravy Train Derailed: Napster, inevitably, plans to start charging a membership fee.

Am I Cool Or Not?

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Am I Cool Or Not?: a record-breaking 21 entries this week, but what is the verdict? And a new victim – get those guesses in!