Posts from 11th December 2000

11
Dec 00

Another week, another

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Another week, another Am I Cool Or Not? – see how wrong you all were last time! Then try your qualitative skills on this week’s guinea pig.

The best thing I ever seen Eminem do

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The best thing I ever seen Eminem do, since we have spoken of him lots in recent days, came this weekend. It was so bizarrely fascinating that I feel the need to let you all in on it. We were watching MTV, which had a show on basically accusing Britney Spears of being slutty for the way she dresses, and featured a truly agonizing segment of Britney sitting on a chair, watching a tape of people on the street in front of MTV studios degrading her (intersperced with a handful of girls defending her, including two friends who got into a bit of a fight when one said, “If you had her body, you’d dress like that too” – you just know the next line was “You think I’m fat??”). Eminem came on and said that he, Eminem, thought that Britney Spears was a bad influence on his daughter. Eminem. Eminem said this. Eminem had the nerve to call someone a bad influence on children!!!

 
This is made much more funnier in light of the fact that the show that lead into the Britney-bash-athon was a show about Eminem being a bad influence on popular culture, littered with comments by him stating that parents should be responsible for their children’s behavior and it’s all in good fun.

THE ADVENT CALENDAR OF FILTH 3: WHAM! – Last Christmas

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There are crudely two ways of marketing a Christmas single. That’s because crudely (and these are Christmas singles so sophistication is right out of the window) there are two types of Yuletide tune. There is the gung-ho, sleigh-bell a-jangling “isn’t it great – this Christmas thing”. But there is also the Christmas ballad, whinging about how shit it is to be single at Christmas. The first kind of single appeals to every idiot who has ever enjoyed an office Christmas party. The second is aimed directly at girls who have tight boyfriends.

Your tight boyfriend, your Andrew Ridgley some might say (tight skin once his nose job was done) does a balancing act. Yes – Christmas snogs can be nice, but your girlfriend might want stuff like presents bought for her. All expensive. So if she isn’t much of a looker, dump her. And she’ll go down to Woolies crying her eyes out and fork out her pocket money, and the money she was going to spend on a Roy Of The Rovers Annual for him on this Wham! Single instead.

Indeed old Yog and his big nosed mate came up with a cash cow with this one. It’s a simple tale of man, woman and a particularly heart surgeon. I always imagined it taking place in Harefield Hospital – but the video suggested the complicated heart based shenanigans took place on a ski-ing trip (proving point one of the Christmas video, let it snow). It turns out that George got involved with a young lady with some kind of heart problem, and therefore offered to give his heart to her. But lack of gratitude was the order of the day, because on Boxing Day she gave the heart away. (Imagine how much the heart surgeon would charge for working on both Christmas and Boxing Day).

What’s worse, this year George intends to give it away again. This suggests that either he has two hearts – like Doctor Who – or somewhere along the line he got his original heart back after being kept alive by complicated machinery. Machinery considerably more expensive that the Roland synths producing the cod twinkly backing track. Anyway, it is not documented what happened after he gave his heart away the second time – but one can only assume that he did not do all that well – since he went off girls around then and started liking boys better.

Moral. The only winner in Last Christmas is the surgeon. The listener certainly isn’t.

Loads of new stuff

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Loads of new stuff up on Simon Reynolds’ site. And oh, check out the links page.

Ridiculously OTT review of “Stan”

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Ridiculously OTT review of “Stan” from the NME. But It’s odd, actually, because we were down the pub last night talking about Bill Hicks and we all agreed that he was quite good but a bit of a sacred cow. That said he’s clearly a better ‘satirist’ than Eminem, although on the other hand Eminem is reaching a much wider audience so there’s more at stake with whatever Eminem says*, whereas Hicks reached, continues to reach and always will reach a coterie of intelligent folks who by and large agree with him and are prepared to chuckle indulgently when they don’t (something which you get the impression BH himself detested).

*(it is a pity that so much of what Eminem does say is fucked-up-artist schtick with good internal rhyming)

“Stan” meanwhile is an overrated track, but I don’t think it’s ‘dumb’ by any means: it’s mealy-mouthed and I dislike the narrative because of Eminem’s insistence on hinting that Stan’s obsession is sexual, and that sample is winsome whether on or off the Dido track. Him saying ‘oh look I don’t mean it’ feels like a bit of a cop-out, he clearly means some of it at least, but his clarifying things wouldn’t help either somehow.