Posts from 6th October 2000

6
Oct 00

my secret goal

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 352 views

my secret goal here is to destroy the remains of tom’s credibility by discussing aaron carter until even the most patient and open-minded of indie fans remove their bookmarks in abject disgust. so away we go…

one review i read of his new album said that it sounded like one of those albums with kids singing nursery rhymes, those albums that commercials tell us kids love, as if it were still the ’50s and children listened to things like “on top of spaghetti.”* (though one of the songs is entitled “the clapping song” and if that doesn’t sound like one of those kidsongs, i don’t know what does.) he does two covers — “iko iko” and “i want candy” — and my understanding is that, in europe, he shot to fame doing covers (“surfin’ usa” being one of the bigger ones). the rest of the album is padded out with “cute” song titles like “my internet girl” and “that’s how i beat shaq.” enough to send a chill down your spine. and if that wasn’t enough, the carter family has more in store for us.

*apparently that reviewer doesn’t know what he’s talk about because on amazon.com, with 17 reviews in, he’s averaging 4.5 stars out of 5. “a mom” confesses that she bought it for the kids but found herself dancing to it herself this very morning, presumably when the kids were away at school.

Sacrebleu!

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 355 views

Sacrebleu! Two follow-up albums? Although I guess the Christmas album could count for half, since it seems to be something of a rite of passage for any singer under the age of 17 or so.

There is that one stanza in “Bounce With Me” about Lil’ Bow Wow’s turning into a “baller” when he turns 16. Which made me think “ew” when i first heard it.There are other “when I grow up” parts in “Bounce With Me,” but that one, um, stuck out the most. At least there were no references to pockets being full-grown or anything like that.

Also of note: Aaron Carter’s first minor “hit” (which was more popular in Canada than anywhere else I noticed, although that might be due to my cable system’s carrying MuchMusic) was a cover of the Jets’ “Crush On You,” which works from both the sibling angle and the youngsters-singing-about-innocence angle. And the musical angle? Let’s be nice and say this: When I first heard/saw the video, I thought it was some sort of low-budget cable commercial for a promotion in some park.

did someone say jordy?

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 280 views

did someone say jordy?: well, investigating a little further, i found that jordy recorded not one, but two more albums after the one that spawned his greatest, and only, hit: one was a christmas album, while details about the other album, entitled recreation, are sketchy at best. information on the web about jordy’s whereabouts are nonexistent: his name usually only comes up in connection to the aforementioned aaron carter.

two frightening things to consider:
1) according to a website, jordy achieved more success in the u.s. than he did in his native france.

2) somewhere, jordy, as there are varying reports of his age, is either a teen or on the cusp of teendom.

some other responses to maura’s post:
i don’t know if i’d necessarily call “bounce with me” a novelty hit. “awful,” would me more appropriate, but i give the kid credit for not playing up the fact that he is in fact a kid. aaron has that godawful “aaron’s party” song which is far more pandering than mr. wow’s track.

i will admit that i was immensely surprised to learn that ‘nsync sold so well in their first week out. however, i guess getting their “freedom” as it were did matter because the songs got better, relatively speaking. no matter who writes their songs, however, 98 degrees will never be able to shake off the feeling of “second-rate” that imbues everything they do. along with mandy moore and jessica simpson, they’re part of that dreaded second-tier of teenpop acts whose fame will never expand past trl.

In the battle of the preteens

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 476 views

In the battle of the preteens ensuing on the Billboard 200 this week, Backstreet brother Aaron Carter (brother of Nick, who is I think the cute one? oh wait they are ALL the cute ones, except for that one who looks too much like Donnie Wahlberg) loses out to Lil’ Bow Wow. The bouncing baby rapper’s album “Beware of Dog” debuted at #8 this week, 8 places ahead of Young Mr. Carter’s “Aaron’s Party (Come and Get It).” Of course, Lil’ Bow Wow has the added advantage of a novelty hit (“Bounce With Me”) that’s already logged 20 weeks on the charts, while Aaron has … his older brother.

But the real question is, will either of these artists have the latter-day cultural impact that Jordy—you remember him, yes? the French rapping 5-year-old?—has seven or eight years after his single was first foisted on the world? I ask this because six or seven people have brought “Dur Dur D’Être Bébé” up in casual conversation over the past few weeks. And also because no one seems to know where young Jordy is at the moment.

Other US chart news: Debuting at #1 this week is the new album by Mystikal; right behind that is 98 Degrees’ latest offering, which was accompanied by an ‘N Sync-worthy barrage of live MTV specials including a “you pick the next single” contest. Possibly relevant, but maybe not side note: Mystikal’s record was put out by Jive, the same company responsible for the huge debuts of Britney, the Backstreet Boys, and ‘N Sync over the past year, while 98 Degrees (who I always found to be sort of lower-rent anyway, and on this new album they are writing their own songs—red flags at alert!) is a Universal offering. (Did I ever mention the ‘N Sync midnight madness sale at my formerly local mall, where I ran into a girl who bought 3 copies of “No Strings Attached” for the sole purpose of helping her favorite band beat the Backstreet Boys’ first week sales record?)

If Tom is going to keep gadding about

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 271 views

If Tom is going to keep gadding about maybe we should get a court order making sure he writes reviews and links full time. This is another classic case of knee jerk legal action, a string quartet with a court order to play together. The Guardian takes this to its logical extreme – ie Pete Best forcing The Beatles that they have to play with him instead of Ringo. Sloppy journalism really, this is a bit too obvious an example.

A much more interesting legal corollary would stop bands touring the working mens clubs of the North of England proclaiming themselves as Mud or The Sweet when they contain only one original member. Or, as is sometimes the case, the band merely owned a Wizzard single in the seventies – more than enough qualification to continue touring as Roy Wood’s band well into the new millenium. Perhaps it is not too late to slap a restraining order upon the Manic Street Preachers, because one of their members is missing. Presumed…..

A Cautionary tale

Pumpkin PublogPost a comment • 229 views

A Cautionary tale. Quiet members of this publog – though their quietness may be explained by their immenent nuptuals – are drinking mates Kate and John. Now hardier and more committed drinkers I thought it would be tough to find, but obviously the stress of their forthcoming marriage caused them some sort of collective foolishness. Mooching around the Oxford Street area they got thirsty and for some godforesaken reason they decided not to hunt down a pint but go to a Starbucks.

A Starbucks. A coffee shop. A corporate, nasty coffee shop at that. The coffee shop equivalent of a Rat And Parrot pub (souless, with limited beer and no atmosphere). Well I daresay they would have never told a disapproving soul like myself, except the story has a cruel twist. No strangers to playing fast and loose with personal possessions whilst in a pub, the pair spend ten minutes in a sordid coffee joint and Kate gets her bag nicked. Two days before her wedding.

Moral: avoid coffee shops. They are hotbeds of crime.

ACRONYM TROUBLE

I Hate MusicPost a comment • 1,488 views

ACRONYM TROUBLE

I Hate Music is no stranger to dodgy acronyms. The lousiness of DMX’s soubriquet has already been given short shrift. All that said – yet another rapper has wandered into the insult padock, with not one but two acronym related issues. Ladies and gentlemen, but ladies in particular because we all love cool James don’t we, I give you LL Cool J. And his new album The GOAT.

Now LL has been in the business for a long time, and he can chat with the best. Even I have to admit that Phenomenon was something like a phenomenon, or at least something like the film Phenomenon – which was a rubbish John Travolta scientology promo. Now I’m not saying that The GOAT is something like – say Battlefield Earth – but it does show a massive misunderstanding of the use of acronyms. You see The GOAT is not actually comparing Mr Cool J with a scrawny mountain dweller. Poor sheep substitute is not the angle LL is after. No, The GOAT is actually an acronym, for the Greatest Of All Time. Greatest what, I hear you ask. Well greatest ninny, or at least nanny (goat joke – cheers). Y’see if you are in the acronym business you want the actual word the acronym makes up to be impressive and symbolic of the actual meaning. So while LL Cool J reckons he is the Greatest Of All Time – we get to see him literally playing the Goat. Surely he could have found a few words that would make up LION.

But of course LL has had problems with abbreviations before. His name causes an infinite regress which has stumped many of the major logicians of our time. LL Cool J – or Ladies Love Cool James. (That’s Cool James, rather than sad, whiney pomp rock James who are all about Coming Home and Sitting Down and copying U2). But as soon as his name has been changed from James to LL Cool J, there is no James for ladies to love. So instead he should now be called LL Cool LL Cool J. This prodcues a second name change – which by inductive reasoning we can see will constantly repeat itself. So the fella has a name reminiscent of Pi, continuing in infinite regress.

Makes it kinda difficult to buy an album by him. Especially if its called The GOAT.

Talk Amongst Yourselves

New York London Paris MunichPost a comment • 267 views

Talk Amongst Yourselves: I’m off over the next couple of days. I’d hoped to finish the alphabetical stuff, but the pub got in the way, as it often does. Will the NYLPM team fill the void of my absence with top-quality musical content? We shall see. But if they don’t, you could do worse than go and read Tangents, which has more good articles currently running than I could hope to run through individually now.